tasty!
love |
For this most ridiculous of holidays I have decided to share with you some things I think about love and such.
The following is an excerpt from my beloved blog to which you have an open invitation to visit. "It helps to have a definition of love with which to work. What is love? Oh, I’ve heard it sung in a thousand songs, seen it played in a thousand movies, and yet how do we as a culture actually define love? How do we personally? According to The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition, love, the noun, is “1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness." or "2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.” Love is a feeling. That makes sense. Whereas, love, the verb, means “1. To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person)." or "2. To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person).” OK. That makes sense, too. Love as a verb is the state of having the feeling of love. And yet, I suspect we are selling ourselves short. There are an awful lot of people out there with these feelings they define as love who are abysmally poor at expressing, living, or acting these feelings in a way that truly embodies the emotion. But, since we as a culture do not apply a definition of love that expects or states what actions are involved with having the feeling of love we are all doing the best we can making up that aspect of things as we go along. I really like a different definition of love. In her book “All About Love: New Visions” bell hooks makes a compelling case for our need to define love more actively thereby taking some of the mystery and fantasy out of the most necessary emotion and act on the planet. She writes: “I spent years searching for a meaningful definition of the word “love” and I was deeply relieved when I found one in psychiatrist M. Scott Peck’s classic self-help book ‘The Road Less Traveled,’ first published in 1978. Echoing the work of Erich Fromm, he defines love as ‘the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.’ Explaining further, he continues: ‘Love is as love does. Love is an act of will—namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.’ Since the choice must be made to nurture growth, this definition counters the more widely accepted assumption that we love instinctually.” I like this definition because it is a definition that takes all the “I have no control over my feelings” punch out of the concept of love. People do not just fall in love with no will or intention or choice in the matter. There is no special chemical reaction that takes place between two people that equals love. That’s not to say that people do not have intense energetic, emotional, karmic and perhaps chemical responses to each other, but that in and of itself is not love. People certainly fall into feelings of affection for others and may find themselves inextricably and powerfully drawn to other human beings, but that is not the equivalent of loving them. To love someone you must act. As such, bell hooks goes on to say: “To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients—care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.” If we enacted love as a composition of feelings of affection for someone plus the acts of caring for them, respecting them, trusting them, recognizing their wants and needs and their innate humanity, committing oneself to them and their spiritual growth, effectively communicating with them while all along not compromising our own spiritual growth, well then a grander experience we would all have living and loving. We would get more done. We would spend less time in pain. There would be far less abuse of any sort on the planet. I subscribe to this more encompassing definition of love. bell hooks wrote “All About Love” to help us culturally and personally figure out how to love one another more effectively so that we may all quit struggling and suffering under the false suppositions we have learned about love. I highly recommend this entire book to everyone, everywhere. So, from Fromm to Peck to hooks to Justina to you much love in your living and much conscious choice and will and positive action in your loving. I am working so hard to assure it is all in mine." |
| truth |
Every now and again I get a hankering to quote an ancient dead guy. Try to really read it and get it; it's good stuff!!!
"There ... my blessing with thee! And these few precepts in thy memory Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue, Nor any unproportion'd thought his act. Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel; But do not dull thy palm with entertainment Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg’d comrade. Beware Of entrance to a quarrel but, being in, Bear't that th' opposed may beware of thee. Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice; Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgment. ******************************************* Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell; my blessing season this in thee!" -William Shakespeare (To learn more about the bittersweet picture of the skeletons buried together please go here. Thanks Susannah for sharing that link.) |
| beauty |
Our perceptions are our reality and our perceptions are so subjective. We all view everything so differently. Try to remember that when dealing with your loved ones and your strangers. I think that is the true meaning of compassion, to understand from where another is coming, and that it may not be the same place from which you have come, and hence, your differences. Allow them. Gently.
This picture is an interpretation of Aphrodite the Greek goddess of beauty and love. I love her because she is not quite the blonde and lofty breasted vision that many think of when they imagine the paragon of beauty. I think she is beautiful. I think you are beautiful, too. |
| blessed be |
Thank you dear family, friends, lovers and acquaintances for our relations and this chance to indulge in a seasonal exploration of things delightful and divine.
Happy day to you, whatever day it may be. P.S. You may have noticed how lovely this mailing is. I made it with myNewsletterBuilder! You can create beautiful mailings, too, with the same program and I can teach you how and help you. Call me and you can send love, truth and beauty to your friends, too. 828.625.9797 |