As we consider relationship with our parents, let us begin �again with Unity � the Interconnection of All things, the Oneness of being. �And in that, we can think of ourselves in circles.� We can then think of ourselves as not in hierarchy, structure, or polarity, as in strong and weak, smart and dumb, older and young. �In most cultures, parent and child are perceived in a hierarchical relationship.� Much of the struggle of the adult is to re-balance this inner model of Parent-Child.� We may say we seek equality, but our inner struggle often reflects the pull to supersede the parent. �The Circle of Relationships is�actually more like the Mobius strip � a circular loop which has no beginning and no end; no right side, no left side. If you follow it along, it turns.� If you can hold that image when you look at the complexities of life and relationship, you have already given yourself permission to allow a very different view.� Once you begin to allow the concept of looking differently, it brings such a vitality into living that you will not go back to being single-visioned.�� The circle moves, positions within the circle moves and begins to twist as the Mobius strip, reflecting infinity, Interconnection, Unity.�
The first thing you must consider as you are moving through your idea of relationships is that your senses, knowingness, memories are distillations.� They are infusions of experience that have been distilled into symbols and icons - the stories of your life.� It does not mean that they are necessarily incorrect stories. But more often the qualities within these symbols holds the meaning for you. The concrete fact may be that father hit you.� But the quality of your fear, of being overwhelmed and disconnected is the dominant energy you carry.
When we see our parents from polarity - from small and large, powerless and powerful, -these distillations are given added depth, density and weight. They become solid barriers;� �acting as weights upon you, hackles holding you.� Because in polarity if you are think of yourself as a child, you are always going to be small, victim, powerless.� Yet most people try to rebalance by taking these mental images and inverting them to become more powerful and stronger than the parent.� But in truth, any of you who have experienced your parent becoming child-like, becoming sick or weak or the mind beginning to become fuzzy, find that it does not feel like victory.� It does not feel like "Aha, I am now in ascension.� I am the adult."� It feels sad.� It doesn't feel like you've won.� It feels like loss.
Inverting hierarchy often has this hollowness, especially for those connected with the idea of the�metamind world, metaknowledge, the metaphysical - that there is more than you are may perceive.� You may want to take another role in the circle. But you don't need to make another be less.� You want to have a moment where you are the leader, the speaker, the teacher; your
knowledge and expertise heard.� Yet you don't need to be more than or better than or dominating over.� You would rather be acknowledged, honored and respected.�
�Each generation walks within the energy of its own myths. �And thus, it is possible that your parents cannot understand being in a Circle of Being with you. We are focusing� here on the myths of those born at the beginning of the 20th� century � the parents of the mid-range adults today.� Our idea is that in sharing some of their 'myth'. you can come to understand their motivations and movements in a broader way.� And this broader vision, can then serve you as a tool of awareness to support you letting your own sense of yourself to expand.
Your generation holds connection with potential.� Potential has always felt present.� It's almost been a kind of birthright of your generation, particularly here in the United States.� Your parents do not hold potential present as you do..� Your parents do not feel the world as an 'all possible' place.
Security is a large energy that drove that generation.� But it is a security rooted in an element of disconnection - an element that to be, one must accept � an acceptance closely linked with capitulation. �Many of you have had to struggle with learning supportive qualities of the acceptance of 'what is,' in part, because of your rejection of the way your parents lived acceptance.� They lived acceptance as one of denial, in the fear of being cast out. Many of you have instead, taken on the role of being the one who goes off.� "Oh, you want to cast me out for my difference?� Ha, I will leave.� I will go off and start my own school, community, work, way of being.� I will find my community of like-minded people and I shall live there and we have no need for this, the general core." You, in fact, have had the cultural energy present supporting your right to be unique, to have a way of your own.
That cultural energy was not present for them. To simply go off to fulfill one's own potential was considered arrogant, foolhardy.� Or seen as so eccentric that there have to be a very separate, extreme way of doing it.� The old�Hollywood became an expression of this energy, which did not yet have the cultural impetus to manifest.� The 'stars', �with their exotic life and the extremes even in the physical - the bleached white hair and the red, red lips - became a distillation of energy not generally available.� People became comfortable saying, "Well, you know, that's�Hollywood�life.� We couldn't do that."� The amount of people flocked to Hollywood to be movie stars in the 20's, 30's and 40's is really miniscule. Today many people are associated with that industry and you don't have to be the extreme renegade to do so.
Your parents had acceptance of life as their guiding energy. There were dreams of potential but with fewer formats. Some of you are discovering that you have to fit some of your own potentialities into formats that are more confined or closed than you had wanted. �But your awareness of options and possibilities, allows you to go to your job at the bookstore and then open to an afternoon with such as us.� Your personal realm has broader, more fluid boundaries.
Your parents did not share this broad sense of the personally possible, except maybe in the glorification of that time called 'retirement'. �Rather, most understood that these were the formats they were given and available. And in fact, �if you didn't take them and work with them, you may have nothing.� You may be left out; alone without money, without a way to be.� And so people went into professions, careers and �jobs, that were given to them.� The professions of their fathers and mothers, their teachers.� The professions of their ethnic heritage, racial background, or regional place - �the mill town, the mine.� If you were to think of living in a coal mine town in Pennsylvania, you would readily think of moving.� It doesn't occur that you should stay there.� You'd think, "I'd get some money together and get on a bus, and go somewhere."� It wasn't in their hearts to do that, except the radical one.� And these are the people that became immortalized in art, stories and film as a beacon of possibility.� But still, it was the one of all those who went into the mines; the one who was able to step out of time and culture and go on.
Again, the one was held up as the exception, not as the possibility for everyone.� You can see the difference between films of that time. Sometimes the person encouraged everyone else, as in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington".� But other times, they were the lone rebel and suffered greatly from the arrogance of being different. �So your parents generation can acknowledge that the one could get out, but the rest needed to carry on.
In this energy of security, in this energy of� 'as �is', they did allow certain blossoming, compared to their own parents or compared to the past. �In your lives, the myth of childhood was that��
your parents wanted all of you to be more than they were � to have the opportunities they didn't have, to go where they did not go.� Or if they did achieve and blossom, �they wanted you to match their success-- to have the schools they went to and the careers they formed, etc. ��Yet for many of you that myth is not a true reflection of what you have experienced.� Often when you have tried to go beyond, it has not always been well received.� They caution you; worry about you; challenge you.� They do not see you as an expansion of them, an extrapolation, the next step, but, in fact, have experienced you as negating their choices by your choices. �And you find yourself saying, 'I don't understand.� I'm getting to go around the world on this big trip, this great job across the country, �and my parents are only �afraid and worried.'� They cannot feel the excitement of the energy of potential.
Your expansion often does feel to them as if you negate their world. This is a generation that accepted their place in many ways. �Steady jobs; little houses - �a nice, clean respectable life.� And if they were poor and unable to have that, they thought they were going to get it for their children.� And you have the stories of the cleaning woman and the washer woman and the janitor who work hard to send their children to school, to college.� We are not negating these values and goals, but there was a cost to them.� This acceptance level meant that many put aside , even deny, their own knowledge of their own dreams.� And to keep at bay the pain of this loss, they must always justify their choice and thus, you can begin to see their discomfort in your openness to possibility.�
Your possibilities resonates with their own lost possibility, stirring the shadow of what was not seen by them. So if is more comfortable for them to point out the dangers to you, rather than embrace the potential for joy.� And the way they cope with it is to deny you.� 'I didn't want that anyway", What I have is very fine, thank you.� is basically what they're saying.� What they've missed is, in fact, that what they have, what choices made are very fine for them.� What they're really mourning isn't always that they didn't make a different choice; it�s that they didn't realize�they could have made a different choice.� Thus, your lives remind them or hint to them that there were other doorways, other potentials.
Individualism is still seen as a divisive force of separation.� �Once again, people are not just forgetting Unity, �but do not recognize it.� They are deeply afraid of it; defining themselves by how they are different from others. �It is the same reason why your parents are afraid for you.� When one holds a single, narrowed, specific a view, you can only see that view. �You do not yet know how to experience Unity in �that no matter how diverse something is, you can always find a place of touching, a place of connectedness.
Unity is a most radical conceptual energy and it is far from present.� �Fear of connection is expressed in the world as divisiveness, repression, in people wanting to say, "You cannot think that.� You cannot say that.� You cannot read that.� You cannot do that.� You cannot be that." ��The�fear of the interconnection is expressed as �'If I am like all, then I cannot define myself.� I am invisible.� I am not so. '
These considerations, though, are for you, not your parents.� You cannot bring this to them and have their "Aha"; their realization; their understanding.� They need to hold and protect themselves.� Many need to not think of the lost or unrecognized potentials.�
Your willingness to look at things from a different view is the vehicle to transform your distillation of your experience of your childhood.� And in the broad spiritual context of acknowledgment, acceptance and honoring of that which is, we suggest that the key is the� consideration that your parents are bound to the view of their lives in a way you are not. Thus, you may not get from them the permission, acknowledgement, acceptance, understanding, reflection of connection as desire.�
The more you can come to an acceptance level of them as they are,� you can then come to another perspective on how they were to you; on what was driving and moving their choices and responses to you.� And perhaps then you will feel a softening, perhaps not of what actually happened, but of the models and symbols, the distilled memories within you. You may then �find yourself saying, "I just feel different.� It doesn't bother me the way it used to.� It doesn't get me as upset when I think about what my mother did when I think of her just living a life that was proscribed for her."
In the fullness it is simply all right that you not be honored by your parents, �may not be acknowledged or accepted.� Every child desires this acknowledgment as it is rooted in the power within the hierarchical view of parent-child relationship.� They are powerful and you are powerless until they acknowledge your power.��Now you can allow the image of the moving Circle of Connection to support�the movement in which sometimes you experience being powerful and other times, indeed, you feel the power less present.� In this model the power is simply in motion. And in this you can let this moving flow of life unbind you from the need for your parents to free you with their acceptance.
You also have the asset of comprehending Unity connection.� Understanding that there are things in the world you haven't yet understood; feelings, sensing that you cannot yet think about.� Sensing ways to be you don't know now. Knowing your own, inherent interconnection with all things.
You can use the gift of such insight for you and your family. �When you begin to allow yourself to change your senses, considering, thinking in a different way, you are allowing different flows of energy. It's like unstopping pathways and so the energy can flow in different patterns and eventually fixed icons will soften and change. Then the conscious mind will recognize the shift, saying, "Oh, that's what's going on."� You don't have to make things happen, you set a focus that allows an energy movement.�
Participant:�� �If we are responsive and sensitive to our parents, but our life is taking us to places they are afraid of, how do we do this without hurting them?
Acknowledge the rightness, correctness, the alignment, the goodness, of their choices for themselves.� Affirm their life as you want them to affirm yours. They may feel that all of the things that you want negate and reject them.� And to be truthful, sometimes that's exactly what you've done.� You don't like that bar with the funny clock over it.� Or the early American furniture and the big console TV isn't what you want, but of course you want the DVD/CD system and plasma TV.�� It may help to consider that their choices were not heartbroken choices; they were choices that felt secure and good.� You have to remember you are driven by expressing potentiality. They were driven by security.� Look at the difference in the culture.� The culture was driven by security.� Your culture is driven by potentiality.� And the next element is going to be some hybrid of it.
It is very challenging to really let other people be different.� Living Unity consciousness is not going to be a nice universal peace.� It is a working life concept, which means it has to be worked at because it's sometimes very hard.� Remember, things that are easy and natural and flow can still be challenging �And it is up to you to make the movement, because, again, your are supported by your more expansive life view.�
An important aspect of the spiritual perspective is our willingness to embrace the responsibility to consider and act from that view. Attitudinally you try to stay open - living the responsibility of this metaview, willing to look again.� This doesn't mean you do it or can do it every moment.� It doesn't mean that you don't ever have preference and choice, but it means that even as you make preference and choice, you understand there is perhaps connection to those things you are choosing to not do.� So in this situation with the parents we ask you to be responsible � to see more, acting in a way that maybe they cannot.� Just as somewhere along the line they have done for you. They have seen what the child couldn't see.� And at least once, for all of you, a parent intervened, stepped in, somehow made a choice based on a knowledge that is more than you know
Participant:� How can we best nurture our children?
Keep remembering their right to have a different view.� Let them question.� And if you can, �help them see the value of your choices for you, and really give them permission to make a different choice.� Give them your permission to make choices, letting them know they don't have to simply invalidate their parent's choice to be themselves. �Many of you are still polarized.� You are so afraid of being like mother or father that you place all your energy in being other than them. But you cannot be completely unlike anyone or anything.� Unity � interconnection of all �things.� Take Unity to give you permission to just be as you are, made up of all you are. �
Take with you the idea that people can be walking in myths they are not aware of, myths that move their lives. �Again, be willing to look beyond the everyday.� Live this perspective by asking questions and then questions� the questions.� And look again from still another perspective.�
One does not need to seek being 'right'. Rightness is often the most narrow view.� Be willing to follow a focus, knowing that it is a focus, not "the way".� Life is multiplicity.� It is a multi-verse, not a universe.� And you have much knowledge of it, even when you cannot yet see and comprehend it all. As ever, we ask you to consider this information and add to it your perception, your discernment, your note, your element to the tapestry.� Enrich all that is shared.�������������� Orion
����������������������������excerpted and edited from an Intensive on Parent-Child Relationships,� Washington, DC�