Long Term Loving
I interviewed many couples who had been together between 15-40 years the past few months. What most struck me was that couples who were deeply in love and happy together after the 15-, 20- and even 40-year anniversary viewed their relationship very differently than people whose relationships were shorter.
Of the long-term couples interviewed that were still in love ALL (100%) said that they went through heaven and hell together. They said hell taught them to heal their wounds, forgive, truly love another, and become closer than ever. They said hell was always followed by a deeper heaven and the truer meeting of themselves. They said they no longer assumed they knew what was best for others' but stayed open to the surprise of relating each day.
These couples' saw intimate relationship as being one of the greatest spiritual teachers. In a long-term relationship our deepest shadow sides and wounds surface and if both people are available a deeper more honest love will come after the heart breaks and opens into its greater nature.
I find that relationship is an amazing opportunity to bring universal love into a grounded reality. The joy is immense. The challenges are incredible gifts inviting me to transform places in me that hadn't yet melted into love. Taking this perspective has brought me huge rewards in relationship and deep satisfaction.
In the face of relationship struggle try the following:
1. Sit alone.
2. Focus inside of you.
3. Be aware of the feeling involved in the challenge.
4. Identify where that feeling is in your body.
5. Be fully present with that feeling until it neutralizes. If you are fully accepting of that feeling it will neutralize.
6. Notice how you feel now and imagine looking at your beloved form this neutrality.
7. Be aware of the thought that was connected to the neutralized feeling.
8. Ask yourself, is that thought who I am ...or is this neutral starting point who I am?
9. From this neutral starting point what would you like to create? Take the stage in a new and fresh way!
I am blessed to share some of the couples' who's sharing with me contained sacred wisdom. I highly praise their counseling, seminars and educational products.
Linda and Charlie Bloom (www.Bloomwork.com)
Trish Regan and Doug Hacket www.dolphinspiritofhawaii.com.
Dr. Jett and Dr. Marlena www.Undefendedlove.com
The Gottmans www.GotmanInstitue.com
I highly recommend Trish�s new CD set and Linda�s fabulous couple�s counseling, The Gottman seminars and The Undefended Love Seminars.
Dr. Laurie Moore
Relationship Solutions and Finding Your Mate: books, workbooks, DVD