Response-Able Parent Newsletter #87

November 11, 2009

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.


Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.


In This Issue

1.  Quote
2.  Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3.  Bumper Sticker
4.  Article: The Ten Best Things to Say to Your Child During Homework Time
5.  Stay in Touch


1. Quote

"You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say."
 
Martin Luther King


2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What if your relationship with your children was a reflection of your relationship with yourself? What would that relationship with your children be trying to tell you?


3. Bumper Sticker

Notice on a white Chevy Impala in Montebello, CA:
 
As far as anyone knows
We are a normal family.


4. Article: The Ten Best Things to Say to Your Child During Homework Time

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
 
 
Homework can be a battle or a breeze. It can create conflict or cooperation. It can produce tension or focused attention.  Which of these outcomes occurs in your home depends in great measure on how you talk to your children during that important time period. To help your child's homework experience be productive and stress free, consider the following ten best things to say to him or her during homework time. 
 
1.  "It's study time." Don’t even mention the word "homework." Have a study time, a study table, and study materials. Study time occurs whether there is homework or not. This eliminates the common child response, “But I don’t have any homework.” Some parents prefer to call this time period feed the brain time. Whether you call it study time or feed the brain time, it is important to make this a family commitment.  We all feed our brains during this time. If you are not willing to make this commitment as a parent to feed your own brain during this important family time, don’t ask your child to.  
 
2.  "Let me know if you want my help." Refrain from giving unsolicited help. Help that is not asked for is resented and is often not even needed.  Give your child the space to ask for help if he needs it. Learning to ask for help is an important skill that every child needs to learn. So is struggling on your own for a while. 
 
3.  "Act as if you know." Children will often tell you, "I don't know how to do it." Resist showing them right away. They are doing their "I can't" act. Know that it is an act. Encourage them to choose a different act by saying, "Act as if you can." Other ways to send the same message include: "Pretend like you know how." "Play like you know." "If you did know how to begin, how would you begin?" "If you did know what to write, what would you write?" Asking children to "act as if" does not mean they will do it correctly. It gets them started. It gets them doing something. You can correct incorrect doing. Not doing anything is impossible to correct. 
 
4.  "You have a lot of assignments to do here. Which two do you think are the most important?" Do not let your children study for long periods of time. Family time is MORE important than study time. When the teachers give more than is doable in the study time you have structured (90 minutes for high school, 60 minutes for middle school, 30 minutes  for elementary school), call the teachers and let them know they are assigning too much material. Ask your child, "Which two of your assignments do you think are most important?" This requires her to think and to set priorities, teaching her a valuable life skill in the process. 
 
5.  "Study time is over." Pushing beyond the set study time creates diminished results. Set a limit and stick to it. Hold to the set time schedule for study time.                  
 
6.  "It's time for a time out." Frustration may occur. Suggest your child take a time out if you see her becoming overstressed. Shoot some baskets, ride bikes, go for a walk. Get away from the schoolwork for a while. When she comes back to study time, she will bring a fresh mind and a fresh attitude. 
 
7.  Use descriptive praise. Refrain from making evaluative comments such as "good job" or "excellent paper." These global remarks do little to teach why the effort was good or excellent. Instead, make your praise descriptive. Simply describe. "I can read every word." "This sentence got my attention and I wanted to keep reading." "You stayed right on it and finished that section in ten minutes." These factual statements give valuable information.  Descriptive praise also allows the child to make the evaluation. When he says to himself, "I did a good job," the evaluation is coming from the inside out.  
 
8.  "Do you want me to check it?" Sometimes children want your checking help. Sometimes they do not. Let them make this decision. 
 
9.  "Let me show you an example."  This is teaching, not doing it for them. Show your child a sample, example, or possibility. Allow her to decide how to apply your idea. Let her do the problems she was assigned. 
 
10."Would you be willing to put your name on it?" This statement is not used to check whether your son or daughter remembered to put their name on the paper. It is a statement about the relationship between pride and effort. "Would you be willing to put your name on it?" really means, "Are you proud enough of it to sign it?" Help your children learn to develop an internal standard of excellence so they know how this piece of work stacks up against their personal standard.
 
Your Parent Talk around study time and school assignments is critical. It can help or hinder, motivate or discourage, inspire or wound. Use the statements above to help you create a helpful study time for all. In fact, why not study these suggestions and put them to use during your next family feed the brain time?
 
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose.  They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.uncommon-parenting.com


10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose

CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE 10 COMMITMENTS: PARENTING WITH PURPOSE.

5. Stay in Touch

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have recently added new ways to stay in touch. Please consider joining their network in the following ways.
 
1. The Uncommon Parenting Blog
 
 
Learn to parent like no other so your children can grow up to be like no other.
 
Recent posts include:
Subscribe to the blog feed or receive it via email on the right-hand side of the home page. http://www.uncommon-parenting.com/
 
2. Facebook
 
Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a parent newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.
 
3. Twitter
 
Yes, we have both begun to Twitter. 
 
Thomas B. Haller is now twitting. Instead of following what I am doing throughout the day, I invite you to follow what I am thinking. To join me as I tweet my thoughts, go to www.twitter.com/tomhaller.
 
Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts and observations on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact? http://twitter.com/ChickMoorman


Copyright

Copyright 2009 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

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Book of the Month
The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
 
Softcover, 120-page book ($14.95)
 
Finally, a book that cares as much about your children as you do...

The successful parenting workshops, trainings, and seminars led by
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller and the incredible success of the Parent Talk System have garnered worldwide attention and praise from mothers, fathers, grandparents, and professional educators for only one reason. This stuff works. It gets the kind of results parents are looking for.
 
Finally, a book that delivers practical discipline techniques for busy parents...
 
The three practical, skill-based strategies presented in this useful book will help you:
 
• Eliminate whining, back talk, and procrastination.
• Gain cooperation without nagging or yelling.
• Hold children accountable without wounding their spirit.
• Communicate anger in a respectful way.
• Design consequences that are reasonable, respectful, and related to the misbehavior.
• Become the parent you always wanted to be.
 
These three amazingly simple strategies are verbal skills that will work with your children. Appropriate from tots to teens!
CLICK HERE TO ORDER.

Back Issues
Are you new to the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter? Wonder what we have written about in the past? Eighty-six newsletters have already been issued in the past seven years. Below you will find 20.
 

CLICK HERE TO READ ALL THE PARENTING NEWSLETTERS.

Schedule
Oct. 9 - Cary, IL.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Cary Public School. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Oct. 14 - Holt, MI
Verbal Skills for Motivating Students presented by Chick Moorman, 7:45 am 10:00 am. Holt Public Schools, Holt High School. For information contact Marshall Perkinis at 517-699-3432.
 
Oct. 16 - Akron, OH
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. Akron Digital Academy. For information contact Jon Swires jswires@akron.k12.oh.us
 
Oct. 22 - Midland, MI
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. The Midland Academy. For information contact Elizabeth Haigh at 989-496-2404 or email haighea@midlandcharter.org.
 
Oct. 22 - Midland, MI
Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. The Midland Academy. For information contact Elizabeth Haigh at 989-496-2404 or email haigea@midlandcharter.org
 
Oct. 23 - Midland, MI
The Sounds of Spirit Whispering presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. The Midland Academy. For information contact Elizabeth Haigh at 989-496-2404 or email haighea@midlandcharter.org
 
Nov. 3 - Schnecksville, PA
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. Carbon Lehigh Intermediate Unit #21. For information contact Beth Breiner at 610-769-4111 ext. 1261 or email breinerr1@cliu.org
 
Nov. 4, 2009 - Bay City, MI
Bully Proofing Your School: What Parents Need To Know and Do presented by Thomas Haller, 6:00 pm - 7:00 pm. Handy Middle School, Bay City Public Schools, Bay City MI. For information contact Linda Lavictor at lavictorl@bcschools.net.
 
Nov. 5 - Olean, NY
Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Cattaraugus-Allengany Teacher Center. For information contact Tim Houseknecht at 716-376-8381 or email catcdirector@yahoo.com.
 
Nov. 6 - Olean, NY
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. Cattaraugus-Allengany Teacher Center. For information contact Tim Houseknecht at 716-376-8381 or email catcdirector@yahoo.com
 
Nov, 12, 2009 - Bay City, MI
How to Get Your Kids to do Homework presented by Thomas Haller, 6:00 pm - 8:00 pm. Bay Valley Hotel and Resort, Bay City, MI. For ticket information contact: Cathy@thomashaller.com. Click here to register on-line. View Flyer.
 


Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 877-360-1477 (toll-free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.


CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.

Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-686-5356 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.


CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.

Links

Contact

Personal Power Press
P.O. Box 547
Merrill, MI 48637
1-877-360-1477

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