Response-Able Parent Newsletter #89

January 2, 2010

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.


Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.


In This Issue

1.  Quote
2.  Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3.  Bumper Sticker
4.  Article: New Year's Intentions for Parents
5.  Parent Talk Tip: Sharing


1. Quote:

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
 
Mother Teresa


2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What strengths do you see in this child's misbehavior? What is it about this behavior that if used in a different setting would be a positive?


3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a dirty Mercury Milan in Albany, MN:
 
You are more special than words can say.
Please travel safely each and every day.


4. Article: NEW YEAR'S INTENTIONS FOR PARENTS

Most people make resolutions at this time of year. And most people break them sooner or later. One way to step out of the "make it/break it" resolution habit is to simply not make any resolutions this year.
 
Instead, consider setting your intentions. How do you intend to be as a parent this year? Will you take the time to set your intentions purposefully? Will you consciously set a direction that will guide you in all your parenting situations by stating your intentions now?
 
Following are many possible parenting intentions. You can use them in several ways. Set three intentions for the year and use them for all of 2010. Or pick one a week and change your intention every Sunday. A third possibility is to intend to do all these intentions throughout the year.  You decide how to use them or whether or not to use them at all. Regardless, make it an intention.

In 2010, I intend to help my children appreciate that there is no such thing as failure, only temporary results that people can use as feedback to determine their next step.
 
I intend to fix problems rather than fix blame by maintaining a solution-seeking mindset and teaching my children a problem-solving process.
 
I intend to aid my children in their struggle with autonomy by creating a balance of power through a shared-control style of parenting.
 
I intend to remember that I want my children to behave in ways that reflect what THEY now find unacceptable, not in ways that I, the parent, find unacceptable.
 
I intend to welcome interpersonal skill errors as learning experiences and important opportunities to implement reasonable consequences.
 
I intend to parent in a way that demonstrates that I believe the only authority children take with them everywhere they go is their inner authority.
 
I intend to allow my responses to my children to reflect my knowledge that some lapses in self-control are developmentally appropriate. I will remember that they do certain behaviors because they are five or eight or fourteen years old.
 
I intend to parent in a way that reflects my belief that the process is as important as the product.
 
I intend to remember that I don't have to punish my children for their anger. They are already suffering enough from the anger churning within them.
 
When I am stumped and don't know how to respond to one of my children, I intend to ask myself, "What would love do now?" I also intend to listen internally for an answer.
 
I intend to recall that I can choose to see any parenting situation differently from the way I have been seeing it. I will remember that perception is always a choice.
 
I intend to relax, remembering that relaxing does not mean resigning.
 
I intend to make my approach to parenting reflect the notion that raising a child is more about drawing out what already exists in a youngster than it is about putting in something to fill perceived deficiencies.
 
I intend to remember that "being right" doesn't work.
 
I intend to parent as if I believe that a child's I AMs (I am athletic, I am creative, etc.) are more important than his or her IQ.
 
I intend to live today as if attitudes were more easily caught than taught.
 
I intend to help my children and myself stay conscious of the choices we are making.
 
I intend to remember the adage, "If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior," and I intend to put that adage into practice in my home.
 
I intend to see the hurting child in the child that hurts others.
 
I intend to "be" the change I wish to see in my family.
 
I intend to talk less and listen more.
 
I intend to hold my children accountable for their actions and choices with gentleness and love. I will implement consequences consistently and allow my children to experience the related, respectful, reality-based consequences that flow directly from their actions.
 
I intend to make myself dispensable and assist my children in becoming increasingly in charge of themselves and their own lives.
 
I intend to refrain from making my children wrong for their choices, even as I hold them accountable for their actions.
 
I intend to recognize that my children are in my life as much so I can learn from them as they are so they can learn from me. I will be open to the lessons my children offer me and honor them for helping me learn and grow.
 
I intend not to teach my children to have a happy, productive life, but rather to help them choose a happy, productive day.
 
What are your 2010 parenting intentions? Get clear on them now and put them into action. Best wishes for creating a happy and productive new year of parenting.
 
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.uncommon-parenting.com.


10 Commitment: Parenting with Purpose

CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE 10 COMMITMENTS BOOK.

5. Parent Talk Tip: Sharing

"Johnny, share your toys with Tevi."
 
"Be nice and share with your cousin. She shares with you."
 
"Good little boys and girls share their things. So be good now and share."
 
Sharing is good, so we want our children to learn to share with others. So we force, coerce, shame, manipulate and cajole in an effort to make sure our kid is nice and shares. For sure, we don't want an egotistical, not-nice kid.
 
Wait a minute. Stop. Why do we attempt to force our children to share? Here is a question to consider. If sharing is forced, is it really sharing? Maybe it's just capitulation or manipulation.
 
Do we share? Listen to these comments and then answer the question.
 
"Juan Pablo, be good and share your lawn mower with the neighbor across the street."
 
"Find a time to share your husband with your sister. Be nice and give her a turn."
 
"I want a chance to make your new car go fast. Don't be rude and turn me down. I'll give it back when I'm done with it. Come on!"
 
Young children are into I, me, my, mine. It's not that they are selfish human beings. It's simply that they are young children.
 
Sharing that is forced does not come from the heart. It comes from a dominant adult who can make your life miserable if you don't give in and hand it over. Sharing is a natural occurrence that children grow into. Coercing it to happen doesn’t help. It invites resistance and encourages children to develop feelings of shame.
 
Sharing is a natural expression of love. You wouldn't demand that your child love someone they are afraid of. You wouldn’t make them kiss Aunt Bertha against their will. You wouldn't force them to hug someone who has been mean to them.
 
Sharing, like love, grows slowly and naturally as trust is built between two people. Allow your children to learn about sharing in gradual steps so it flows naturally from a heartfelt place.
 
"Jason is coming over with his parents. If you have toys you are not willing to share with him, please put them in your closet."
 
"Which one of your dinosaurs are you willing to let your brother play with?"
 
"Is there a certain way Amanda must treat your crayons so you will feel safe in sharing them?" (Then tell Amanda.)
 
"Let's get out the family toys that belong to all of us."
 
Refuse to make children feel guilty about not sharing. Don't make them share out of a need to gain your approval and praise. Allow them to learn and grow slowly over time in their ability and desire to share. Teach them to set healthy limits and clear boundaries concerning the use of their own possessions.
 
Share this with a friend if you want to.


Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 877-360-1477 (toll-free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.

Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-686-5356 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.

Copyright

Copyright 2010 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.
 
 
 
__________________________________________________________

He's Still Number One
Listen to Thomas Haller's #1-rated radio show, "Life Answers with Dr. Tom," on WIOG Thursdays from 7-8 a.m., FM 102.5 in Mid-Michigan.

The Uncommon Parenting Blog
Learn to parent like no other so your children can grow up to be like no other.
 
Recent posts include:
Subscribe to the blog feed or receive it via e-mail on the right-hand side of the home page. http://www.uncommon-parenting.com/
 
Please join us at www.uncommon-parenting.com and become a regular reader and a responder on our new website. Sign up today on the right-hand side of the home page. And while you're there, check out some of the informational articles we have posted.

Facebook
Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.

Twitter
Yes, we have both begun to twitter, having sent out over 250 timely tweets already. 
 
Thomas B. Haller is now on Twitter. Instead of following what I am doing throughout the day, I invite you to follow what I am thinking. To join me as I tweet my thoughts, go to: www.twitter.com/tomhaller
 
Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts and observations on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact? Go to: http://twitter.com/ChickMoorman

Back Issues
Are you new to the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter? Wonder what we have written about in the past? Eighty-eight newsletters have already been issued in the past seven years. Check them out here.
CLICK HERE TO VIEW PAST ISSUES.

E-Course of the Month
Good Praise/Bad Praise: How to Praise Your Way to Creating an Emotionally Healthy Child by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller. Three weekly e-mail sessions ($12.95)
 
This e-course is divided into three sections that will be delivered to you at a rate of one a week. Each lesson will give you valuable information about praise, many examples of the skills being presented, and opportunities to apply the skills to your own life. You will learn the three types of praise and be able to tell which of them will help your child develop self-esteem, confidence, and an internal standard of excellence. You will also learn how to recognize the most harmful type of praise—the one that builds praise junkies and teaches children to rely on the opinions of others for measures of their self-worth.
CLICK HERE TO ORDER.

Schedule
Jan. 5 - Cleveland, OH
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 6 - Detroit, MI
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 7 - Minneapolis, MN
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 8 - Fargo, ND
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 11, 12 & 13 - Rhinelander, WI
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. School District of Rhinelander. For information contact George Risberg at 715-365-9500 or email risbegeo@rhinelander.k12.wi.us.
 
Jan. 12 – Bay City, MI
Divorcing with Children: The Do's and Don'ts of Talking to Kids about Divorce presented by Thomas Haller, 6:00 pm - 8:00 pm. Bay Valley Hotel and Resort. Bay City, MI. To register visit Thomas’s website www.thomashaller.com or email cathy@thomashaller.com. Click here to register on-line. View Flyer.
 
Jan. 18 - Dearborn Heights, MI
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 3:30 pm. Dearborn Heights Montessori Center. For information contact Kay Neff at 313-359-3000 or email kayneff@aol.com.
 
Jan. 21 - Grand Blanc, MI
Reducing Power Struggles With Children presented by Thomas Haller, 6:00 pm - 8:00 pm. Grand Blanc High School East Auditorium, Grand Blanc, MI.
 
Jan. 21 - Highland, MI
Effective Verbal Skills for Working With Young Children presented by Chick Moorman, 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Huron Valley Public Schools, Milford High School Auditorium. Contact Greg Morris at 248-676-8389 email morrisg@huronvalley.k12.mi.us.
 
Jan. 25 - Richmond, VA
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 26 - Knoxville, TN
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 27 - Nashville, TN
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 28 - Memphis, TN
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 29 - New Orleans, LA
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
Jan. 30 - Bloomfield Hills, MI
Fantastic Fathers: The Seven Traits of a Great Dad presented by Thomas Haller, Fathers Conference, Bloomfield Hills, MI.

Links
Personal Power Press • P.O. Box 547 • Merrill • MI • 48637

Subscribe | Unsubscribe | Preferences | Send to a Friend | Report Spam