Response-Able Parent Newsletter #94

August 29, 2010

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

1.  Quote
2.  Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3.  Bumper Sticker
4.  Article: 12 Things to Keep in Mind This School Year
5.  Parent Talk Tip: What Have You Said to Your Children Today That Invited Them to Play?
6.  Just Asking

1. Quote:

"Misbehavior and punishment are not opposites that cancel each other; on the contrary, they breed and reinforce each other."
Haim Ginott

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Can you see this parenting crisis as a learning process? Would that make the crisis wonderful, exciting, beneficial, necessary, terrible, or something else? Are you not responsible for how you see this crisis?

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a red Ford Fusion in Buffalo, NY:
Home-Schooled by Aliens

4. 12 Things to Keep in Mind This School Year

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
1.  Your child is not a test score. 
There is a good chance that your child will be more heavily tested this year than ever before. Many educators and politicians have convinced themselves that having a quality school means megatesting. Do not get caught up in that erroneous belief. No matter what percentile your child falls into, regardless of what score he produces, he is first and foremost a unique human being.
2.  Your child is not her report card.
Nor is she her grades. Grades and report cards are only a partial reflection of who and what your children really are, know, and are capable of becoming. Grades measure only what your child's particular school defines as markers of intelligence. That narrow definition of intelligence does not measure emotional intelligence, spontaneity, integrity, trustworthiness, fortitude, sensitivity, creativity and a host of other important characteristics.
3.  Being a teacher is not easy.
It is likely that your child's teacher has many students and parents to work with. While your child is most important to you, the teacher has to balance the needs of 30 to 120-plus students, a demanding curriculum, behavioral issues, pressure to raise test scores, and a family of his or her own.
4.  You and your child's teacher are on the same team.
Do what you can to work in harmony with your child's teacher. The more you can present a united front and work together, the better for your child.
Focus on mutual solution seeking rather that on blame and faultfinding.  Most of the time you and the teacher are on the same side, working to help your child learn and grow.
5.  Your child needs protection from excessive homework.
Do not let your children do school work for long periods of time. Family time is MORE important than spending hours working on school assignments. If the teachers assign more than is doable in the study time you have structured (90 minutes for high school, 60 minutes for middle school, 30 minutes for elementary school), call them and let them know they are assigning too much material.
6.  Money for grades sends the wrong message.
Rewards are ineffective if a love of learning is your goal. Paying kids ten dollars for each A, treating them to ice cream if they bring home a good report card, or buying a new video game if they get on the honor roll promotes only short-term results at best. What attaching rewards to grades really teaches children is that study isn't for the purpose of learning and growing but to get a treat or special concert tickets.
7.  Your child needs help in understanding that stars and stickers don’t necessarily mean work excellence.
Help your children see that external rewards are a quick-fix control system that has little effect on internal motivation. Teach them to recognize quality work whether or not it is supported by a scratch-and-sniff sticker. Help them develop the judge within so that they can create an internal standard of excellence. Sticker-proof them by not overreacting to some teacher’s reliance on stars, stickers, and smiley faces that produce only short-term compliance at best.
8.  There is a difference between being an advocate for your child and overfunctioning.
There is a time to stand up for your child and be their advocate. That time occurs after you have taught them how to speak and stand up for themselves.  Teach them to talk to teachers and state their wants in positive and respectful ways. If teachers do not respond in kind, it may be time to become the advocate. Choose those times wisely and keep them to a minimum. Refrain from rescuing or micromanaging.
9.  It's okay to change teachers during the year.
If your child has a teacher who cares more about content than children, who values test scores over learning, and who believes that bribing children with candy and stickers is the way to motivate them, it might be time for a change. If you have talked to the teacher and are seeing no change, if she continues to punish the entire class because four students won't quiet down, it might be time for a change. You get to request a new teacher. If that is in the best interest of your child, you have every right to insist on and expect that change.
10.  YOU are not your child's grades.
Your child's grades are hers. It is her homework, her assignment, her responsibility, and her report card. You already did school. It is her turn now. Whether she gets all A's or E's is not about you. It is about her. Stop taking it personally.
11.  Having and maintaining routines is important.
Establish a routine for morning, study time and bedtime. Routine, by definition, is doing the same thing every day. Stick to the schedule. Kids thrive on structure even as they protest. Keep the routines simple and predictable.
12.  Sharing your appreciation is important.
Teachers don't get enough appreciation. Neither do administrators, coaches, counselors, bus drivers, custodians, playground supervisors, or cooks. Share your appreciation by telling them what you appreciate and the positive effect it had on your life or the life of your family. "Thank you for working with Vickie on her times tables. You have reduced the stress of the entire family during study time. She has a big smile on her face now. I appreciate your efforts."
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:

The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need.


5. Parent Talk Tip: What Have You Said to Your Children Today That Invited Them to Play?

"Who wants to play checkers?"
"I'm going for a bike ride. Want to come along?"
"Time for a break from study time. You're it. Catch me if you can."
"See those puddles? Let’s see how wet we can get our pants."
"Water balloon fight!"
"Let's take this chalk and make a big message for Dad to read when he pulls into the driveway."
"Skipping in the mall is fun. Watch this."
"Simon says tickle yourself."
"Look at how many times I can skip a stone in the water."
"Let's throw a blanket on the lawn and look for shooting stars."

6. Just Asking

  1. Why is it that some parents outsource potty training rather than take that responsibility themselves?
  2. Why is it that the average parent now spends 40 percent less time with their children than parents did in 1965?
  3. Why is it that 93 percent of parents feel they have a good idea of what their children say online and 41 percent of kids say we don't?
  4. Why is it that the first 40 years of parenthood seem the hardest?
  5. Why is it that 1 in 910 children in America will be killed by a gun before the age of 20?
Just asking.

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at:
1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at:



Copyright 2010 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Timely Articles
Have you seen these timely articles from past issues of this newsletter? If not, click on the link and gain some valuable information that will help you help your children to have the best school year ever.

The Parent Talk System Training of Trainers
The Parent Talk System Training of Trainers
July 27 - 29, 2011
Ann Arbor, MI
Place to be determined

Thomas Haller to Host Health Line on WSGW
At some point in life we all have an important parenting or relationship question that calls for an authoritative, reliable and quick answer. We don’t want to spend hours searching the Internet for that answer. We don’t want to read page after page in a self-help book to find that answer. We just want someone to tell us straight out how to get started or what to do next. Quick and easy advice from a professional is all that is needed. That is exactly what Thomas Haller gives.
Providing parenting strategies and relationship advice is Thomas's specialty. After more than twenty years in private practice as a child, adolescent, and couples therapist, Thomas has heard it all and has answered people's hard questions.
Now you can have your important questions answered and your concerns addressed by joining Thomas live on the radio as he hosts Health Line on WSGW 790AM.
On Sept. 4, from 11:00 am - 12:00 noon Thomas will be answering parenting and relationship questions on WSGW 790AM. Tune in to hear Thomas talk about bullying and how parents can be more proactive this school year and have him answer your questions about how to 
have a healthy relationship with your children and/or partner. Call 989-752-6111 or toll-free 866-790-WSGW with your question.
No matter where you are in the world, you can always listen live on your computer. Simply go to and click on the Listen Now section at the top right corner of the home page.

The Uncommon Parenting Blog
Learn to parent like no other so your children can grow up to be like no other.
Recent posts include: 


Subscribe to the blog feed or request to receive it via e-mail on the right-hand side of the home page.
Please join us at and become a regular reader and a responder on our new website. Sign up today on the right-hand side of the home page. And while you're there, check out some of the informational articles we have posted.

Book of the Month

Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children

by Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

Hardcover, 200-page book ($24.95)
Maybe you haven't heard about it, read about it, or figured it out yet, but there is a powerful principle at work in your parenting or teaching life. The Attraction Principle is helping you create your own family or classroom reality. Now, with this exciting book, you can teach the Attraction Principle to your children.

Yes, we have both begun to twitter, having sent out over 250 timely tweets already. 
Thomas B. Haller is now on Twitter. Instead of following what I am doing throughout the day, I invite you to follow what I am thinking. To join me as I tweet my thoughts, go to:
Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts and observations on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact? Go to: 

Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.

Aug. 31 - West Branch, MI
Achievement Motivation and Behavior Management presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 4:00 pm. West Branch Public Schools. For information contact Dave Walby at 989-343-2027 or email
Sept. 2 - Beacon Falls, CT
Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 6:30 pm - 8:30 pm. Region 16, Woodland Regional High School Auditorium. For information contact Lynn Cox at 203-758-6671 or email
Sept. 3 - Beacon Falls, CT
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. Region 16, Woodland Regional High School Auditorium. For information contact Lynn Cox at 203-758-6671 or email
Sept. 9 - Dearborn, MI
Pyramid of Responsibility Assembly presented by Thomas Haller, Sacred Heart Middle School.
Sept. 27 - Madison Heights, MI
The Sounds of Spirit Whispering presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. Four Corners Montessori School. For information contact Chris Schoenherr at
Sept. 27 - Madison Heights, MI
Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Madison Heights Montessori School. For information contact Chris Schoenherr at

Personal Power Press • P.O. Box 547 • Merrill • MI • 48637

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