May 4, 2011

 

Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

1.  Quote

2.  Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

3.  Bumper Sticker

4.  An Historical Milestone

5.  Article: Uncommon/Common Parenting

 

1. Quote:

"I love my family. And when I say it I mean humanity."

 

Ivonne Delaflor

 

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Could it be that every one of your children are gifting you in some way at this moment? If so, then your job is to figure out what the gift is and open yourself to receiving it. Are you allowing those gifts to come to you?

 

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a red Toyota Camry in Franklin Lakes, NJ:

 

The Best things in Life

Are Not Things

4. An Historical Milestone

 

We are proud to announce that this issue of the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter is the 100th in its history. The inaugural issue of this communication was sent out to 789 subscribers on May 6, 2002. Nine years later we now have 16,583 subscribers from all over the world reading, enjoying, and implementing the ideas and suggestions we present here.

 

 

We appreciate your support, encouragement, and readership. It is indeed motivational to know so many of you find our work valuable. Thank you.

 

 

Would you like to see a piece of history? If so click here and see the first ever parent newsletter delivered to the inboxes of our subscribers.

 

http://www.chickmoorman.com/newsletters/indexPar.html 

5. Uncommon/Common Parenting

Many of you have asked what Uncommon Parenting is and what makes it uncommon? Others of you are aware that we have an Uncommon parenting blog and are even subscribers to that information at http://www.uncommon-parenting.com/. Still others of you have asked how you could tell if you were an Uncommon Parent or not.

 

Well, here it is: the answers to those questions. To celebrate our 100th issue of this newsletter we offer you 101 ways to tell whether or not you are an Uncommon Parent.

 n

UNCOMMON PARENTING PARADIGM

 _______________________

1. Manage their own minds (consciousness) before they manage the child’s behavior.

 

2. Help children develop their inner-authority.

 

 

3. Parent from the end first, taking the time to build the foundation and path toward competent adulthood.

 

4. Focus on who they decide to be in response to what happens to them as parents.

 

5. Work to make themselves dispensable to their children.

 

6. Allow children to experience silence.

 

7. Do not take things personally and respond from an essence beyond the ego.

 

8. Rise above thought and either choose the thought they want or transcend thought by

accessing the dimension that exist within them that is beyond thought.

 

9. Are present with the parenting experience they are having at the moment, knowing that it is the one that is perfect for this time and place.

 

10. Have learned to yield, surrendering emotionally to the what is of their parenting life.

 

11. Know that inner resistance to a parenting situation creates outer resistance.

 

12. Focus on solutions sending positive vibrations and emotions into the universe.

 

13. Let go of grievances, employing forgiveness and starting over.

 

14. Know that children are in their lives as much so they can learn from the children as it is so that their children can learn from them.

 

15. Know that their thoughts about a parenting situation produce their emotions.

 

16. Know that children choose their suffering so they can learn lessons and allow that suffering to take them deeper to the learning that is waiting.

 

17. Know that their only point of power is now.

 

 

18. Expresses gratitude regularly, focusing on abundance.

 

19. Bring light to the darkness.

 

20. Invest in experiences.

 

21. Believe that mess in necessary for learning.

 

 

22.  Create a culture of accountability with love and kindness

 

 

23. See mistakes as learning experiences and opportunities for teaching.

 

24. Structure is created to meet the needs of children and adults adapt their schedules accordingly.

 

25. Are present when they are with children, focusing their attention on the activity at hand.

 

26.   Invest their time searching for solutions.

 

27.   Know that being right doesn’t work.

 

28. Learn and use self-responsible language that reflects a belief in autonomy, personal responsibility, and ownership for one’s actions and feelings.

 

29. Use language that helps children see adults as cause.

 

30. Allow children to do their own thinking.

 

31. Teach children to speak for themselves.

 

 

32. Teach children a solution-seeking process and allow them to solve their own problems.

 

33. Refuse to rescue children and do not protect them from experiencing the legitimate consequences of their action.

 

34. Use a style of praise that allows the child to make the evaluation so that their self-esteem becomes internal.

 

35. Communicate anger, irritation, and annoyance in ways that preserve the child’s dignity.

 

 

36. Offer children choices to help them become impowered and decisionally literate.

 

37. Treat parenting as the most important role they will ever have.

 

38. Refrain from using verbal or physical violence at all times.

 

39. Believe the most important part of what just happened with their children is how they choose to be in response to what just happened.

 

40. Treat every incident as if it were a first time occurrence.

 

41. Purposefully teach the Attraction Principle to their children helping them find the key to achieving their hearts’ desires.

 

42. Realize that shame, blame, and guilt have long lasting effects on children and create negative core beliefs.

 

43. Emotionally accept that what is---is, even as they work to alter the what is on a physical level.

 

44. Have learned to accept, then act.

 

45. Have learned to be the silent watcher, without judging, analyzing, or intervening.

 

46. Talk Less. Act more.

 

47. Use the Attraction Principle in their own lives and teach it to their children.

 

 

 

48. See themselves as empowered and at choice about their children and their family.

 

49. Know and use appropriate time-outs such as going for a walk, aerobics, meditation, and alone time.

 

50. Take responsibility for the state of their family life.

 

51. Realize that children are not finished yet.

 

 

52. Realize that how they are doing what they are doing is more important that what they are doing.

 

 

53. Realize that being with is more important than doing to.

 

54. Separate the deed from the doer when implementing a discipline strategy.

 

55. Hold children in a state of grace as they hold them accountable for their behaviors.

 

56. Recognize that their children are different from them and encourage them to become their own person.

 

57. Nurture before they attempt to fix situations.

 

58. Give children acceptance, appreciation, affirmation and trust that they are learning the lesson.

 

59. Do not expect parenting to be convenient, time-efficient, or easy.

 

60. Believe that in order to raise children well they have to first raise themselves in consciousness in order to parent effectively.

 

61. Look beyond the parenting world that is to the parenting world that could be.

 

 

62. See the current parenting situation as perfect. It is either perfectly the way they want it to be, or gives them the perfect data they need to choose an alternate response.

 

63. Debrief regularly with children giving them opportunities to look at their behaviors, the results they produced, and learn from them.

 

64. Give their children opportunities to experience the beauty and sacredness of nature.

 

65. Create healthy limits for their children and implement them with an open heart.

 

66. Find the goodness in their children and allow it to emerge.

 

67. Choose a state of consciousness which directs how they interact with their children.

 

68. Refuse to label children and see each present moment as new.

 

 

69. Challenge their compulsive thinking and direct their thoughts to produce a desired result.

 

70. Know their sense of self is not dependent on their children’s behavior.

 

71. See themselves as temporary guardians of their children.

 

72. Affirm, uplift, and inspire.

 

73. Concentrate on what they get to do in parenting situation.

 

74. Acknowledge the facts of each parenting situation and take action if needed.

 

75. Find ways to make everyone right.

 

76. Realize that what they resist persists.

 

 

77. Give attention, time and listening to their children.

 

78. Feel equal to their children

 

79. Believe that the children need the parents more than the parents need the children.

 

80. The way they speak to children is the same as they speak to adults.

 

 

81. Give children room to be and to become who they choose to be.

 

82. Never do anything for the child that the child can do for herself.

 

83. Lead with empathy and nurture.

 

84. Refrain from using should and should have with their children, relying instead on dealing with what is and what could be.

 

85. See all children as unique and special.

 

 

86. Include children when making decisions

 

87. Celebrate the success of other parents and their children

 

88. See nature as providing lessons so parents stop, look, listen, and feel.

 

89. Guide children to a conscious understanding of feelings and teach them how to recognize, name, and cope with feelings.

 

90. Control their train of thought and give those thoughts a destination with intentionality.

 

 

91. Show respect for the other parent even if they are separated or divorced.

 

92. Do not value violence and killing and do not participate in it with TV, movies, video games, or music.

 

93. Stay present when a child is in tantrum mode by being with, paraphrasing feelings and behaviors, using descriptions and allowing a cool down period.

 

94. Refuse to be moved by anger, whining, crying, begging, or sulking.

 

 

95. Use time out for a calming time away.

 

96. Ignore the words and react to the feeling tone when a child is in tantrum mode.

 

97. Lead with curiosity when things don’t go well.

 

 

98. Focus on children’s strengths.

 

99. Can rise above a situation to the place of silent witness.

 

100. Have learned to be still and listen.

 

101. Work for solutions and decisions that are inclusive.

NORMAL PARENTING

PARADIGM

_______________________

1. Manage the child’s behavior without raising their own consciousness first.

 

2. Insist that children follow an outside authority and learn to obey.

 

3. Parent in this moment, doing what is fast, easy, and comfortable for the adult.

 

 

4. Focus on what they decide to do in response to what happens to them as parents.

 

5. Work to make themselves indispensable to their children.

 

6. Surround their children with noise.

 

7. Take things personally and respond from an ego perspective.

 

8. Equate themselves with their thinking and let their thoughts direct their behavior.

 

 

 

9. Resist the present parenting moment and attempt to control it by making it into something different.

 

10. Emotionally resist the what is of the parenting situation and invest energy in wishing it wasn’t so.

 

11. Outwardly resist parenting situations with no regard to the effects that follow.

 

12. Focus on problems, amplifying them and making them bigger.

 

13. Carry grievances, continuing to resent the past.

 

14. Believe they are the teachers and the children are the learners.

 

 

15. Believe the parenting situation causes their emotions.

 

16. Try to spare children from all suffering.

 

 

 

17. Focus on the past and the future, ignoring the present moment.

 

18. Expresses desire for more or to have things be different regularly, focusing on lack and limitation.

 

19. Bring more darkness to darkness.

 

20. Invest in things.

 

21. Believe that neat and orderly is what is most important.

 

22. Do not hold children accountable for their actions or do it with anger and control through punishment.

 

23. Judge mistakes as bad and see them as behavior to be avoided.

 

24. Structure is created to meet the needs of adults and children are expected to adapt their schedules accordingly.

 

25. Multitask when they are with children, focusing their attention on several things at the same time.

 

26. Invest their time doing blame and punishment.

 

27. Believe they are right and force compliance.

 

28. Use unself-responsible language that reflects a victim mentality, lack of awareness of personal responsibility, and denial of ownership for one’s actions and feelings.

 

29. Use Language that helps children see themselves as cause.

 

30. Do children’s thinking for them.

 

31. Speak for children, often telling other people what their children think.

 

32. Solve children’s problems for them.

 

 

33. Rescue children frequently, denying them opportunities to experience the legitimate consequences of their actions.

 

34. Use a style of praise that is predominately evaluative so the child’s self-esteem becomes external and they chase after praise.

 

35. Communicate anger, irritation, and annoyance in ways that attack character, personality and wound the spirit.

 

36. Offer children no choices, telling them what and how they will do things.

 

37. Treat parenting as an inconvenience and intrusion on the adult’s time, schedule, and needs.

 

38. Spank and yell at children defending their actions as appropriate.

 

39. Believe the most important part of what just happened with their children is what they do about what just happened with their children.

 

40. Do mental score-keeping dragging the past into the present and projecting it into the future.

 

41. Think children should not be able to have everything they want and should learn to do without.

 

42. Use shame, blame, and guilt on children manipulating them into a quick fix compliance to the adult’s wishes

 

43. Emotionally resist what is with judging, labeling and shoulding.

 

44. Take action from a state of non-acceptance.

 

45. Judge, think, emote, and act without observing silently.

 

46. Talk more. Act less.

 

47. Are unaware that the Attraction Principle is operating in their lives and are therefore unconscious of the ways it is affecting their families.

 

48. See themselves as victims who are unable to choose effective parenting strategies.

 

49. Use inappropriate time-outs such as drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, and compulsive work.

 

 

50. Blame others, including their children for the state of their family life.

 

51. Expect children to behave like finished products.

 

52. Think what they are doing and why they are doing it is more important that how they are doing it.

 

53. Think doing to is their main job.

 

 

54. Equate the deed with the doer when implementing a discipline strategy.

 

55. See children as bad and make them wrong as they hold them accountable for their behaviors.

 

56. Demand their children think, feel, and act the way the parents do.

 

 

57. Work at fixing situations without nurturing.

 

58. Give children judgment, criticism, shame and demand that they learn the lesson.

 

 

59. Believe that parent should be convenient, time-efficient, and easy.

 

60. Look continually for the children to improve and rarely look inward to examine their own beliefs, skills, and attitudes.

 

61. Focus primarily on the parenting world that is, attracting more of what is into their parenting lives.

 

62. See the current parenting situation as awful and choose future responses from that view.

 

 

 

63. Do not have the time, skills, or desire to debrief with their children.

 

 

64. Are too busy to give their children experiences with nature

 

65. Create rules for children and demand compliance.

 

66. Try to fill their children up with goodness.

 

 

67. Interact with their children without being aware of their state of consciousness.

 

68. Are quick to attach labels to children and situations so that behaviors seem old and connected to the past.

 

69. Allow their compulsive thinking to direct their lives.

 

70. Derive their sense of self from their children’s accomplishments and behaviors.

 

71. Believe their children belong to them.

 

 

72. Criticize, shame, and belittle.

 

73. Concentrate on what they have to do in parenting situations.

 

74. Complain and feel resentful about parenting situations and children’s behavior.

 

75. Make others wrong.

 

76. Persistently resist with increasing emotion and action.

 

77. Expect children to give attention, time, and listening to the parent.

 

78. Feel superior to their children.

 

79. The parents need the children more than the children need the parents.

 

80. Speak differently to children than they do to adults, often being condescending and “better than.”

 

81. Coerce children to become who the parent wants them to be.

 

82. Do for children until they are unable to do for themselves.

 

83. Lead with discipline and punishment.

 

84. Think children should or should have and frequently tell them so.

 

 

85. Compare their children to others seeing if others are doing more or better.

 

86. Believe decision-making is for adults.

 

87. Resentful of the success of other children or parents.

 

88. See nature as something to be conquered, overcome.

 

89. Are overwhelmed by feelings, numb them out, and expect children to do the same.

 

 

90. Are unaware that they are at the throttle of their train of thought and accept whatever thought seems to pop into their minds.

 

91. Disrespect, ridicule, and make fun of the other parent in the presence of the children.

 

92. Consider violence and killing entertainment and share that entertainment with children.

 

 

93. Try to talk kids out of a tantrum mode or enter tantrum mode themselves.

 

 

94. Cave in to anger, whining, crying, begging, or sulking and teach children that those strategies are a good way to get what they want.

 

95. Use time out for punishment.

 

96. React to the words, taking them personally, when a child is in tantrum mode.

 

97. Lead with condemnation when things don’t go well.

 

98. Focus on children’s perceived faults.

 

99. Get trapped in a situation and can not see it from other perspectives.

 

100. Are perpetually busy and can not hear.

 

101. Work for solutions and decisions that are exclusive.

The Parent Talk System Training of Trainers

Sedona, AZ

June 13 - 15, 2011

Keep Sedona Beautiful 

Ann Arbor, MI

July 27 - 29, 2011

Regent Hotel and Suites

 

Book of the Month

 

The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents

 

by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

 

Finally, a book that delivers practical discipline techniques for busy parents . . .

 

The three practical, skill-based strategies presented in this useful book will help you: 

  • Eliminate whining, back talk, and procrastination.
  • Gain cooperation without nagging or yelling.
  • Hold children accountable without wounding their spirit.
  • Communicate anger in a respectful way.
  • Design consequences that are reasonable, respectful, and related to the misbehavior.
  • Become the parent you always wanted to be.

These three amazingly simple strategies are verbal skills that will work with your children. Appropriate from tots to teens! 

 

CLICK HERE TO ORDER.

Schedule

May 5 - Edmonton, AB Canada.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

May 6 - Vancouver, BC Canada.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

May 16 - Bay City, MI.

The Six Best Parenting Strategies Ever presented by Thomas Haller, 6:00 pm - 8:00 pm. In His Presence Ministry Church. For more information contact Carolyn at ihpm@ihpmbaycity.com.

 

May 23 - Pittsburgh (Coraopolis), PA.

Bureau of Education & Research (BER), Practical Strategies for Managing Angry, Aggressive and Impulsive Students presented by Thomas Haller, Location to be Announced. For more information call 1-800-736-2136 or www.ber.org.

 

May 24 - Columbus, OH.

Bureau of Education & Research (BER), Practical Strategies for Managing Angry, Aggressive and Impulsive Students presented by Thomas Haller, Location to be Announced. For more information call 1-800-736-2136 or www.ber.org.

 

May 31 - Baltimore (Pikesville), MD.

Bureau of Education & Research (BER), Practical Strategies for Managing Angry, Aggressive and Impulsive Students presented by Thomas Haller, Location to be Announced. For more information call 1-800-736-2136 or www.ber.org.

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at:

 

1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)

e-mail  ipp57@aol.com

www.chickmoorman.com

www.twitter.com/chickmoorman

www.facebook.com/chick.moorman

 

Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at:

 

989-686-5356

e-mail thomas@thomashaller.com

www.thomashaller.com

www.twitter.com/tomhaller

www.facebook.com/thomas.b.haller

 

Copyright

Copyright 2011 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

 

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