Parent Newsletter #108

April 12, 2012

Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: What Do You Say Now?
5. Beautiful Sioux Story

1. Quote:

"Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What if surrendering your present parenting problem is not an act of giving up? What if it is simply going to another source for the answer?

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on Facebook:
Don't Grow Up
It's a Trap

4. Article: What Do You Say Now?

By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
  • One of your children gets picked for the travel softball team and the other one doesn’t. The child that did not get picked pouts. What do you say now?
  • Your teen played in the championship game and her team lost. She walks off the field dejected. She sits in the car silently. What do you say now?
  • Your son’s best friend wins the school spelling bee. Your son was one of the finalists. He walks past the winner with his head down. What do you say now?
  • Five students in government class get picked to go watch a movie with the seniors. Your daughter is one of the students who was not chosen and had to stay back with the rest of the class and do the regular work. She complains about it at the dinner table. What do you say now?
  • Your daughter spent hours working on her science fair project. When you arrive at the fair you notice that her efforts were not rewarded with a ribbon. You overhear her gossiping about one of the winning entries. What do you say now?
  • Your son and many others were tested at Tae Kwon Do to see if they qualified to receive a new belt. Your son is one of the students who did not pass the test. He is discouraged and wants to quit. What do you say now?
In each of these cases, the first words that come out of your mouth are critical. What Parent Palk is useful in such situations? How do you help your child deal with the reality of competition, winning and losing, disappointment, and frustration?
Response Quiz
Which of the following 12 responses, in your opinion, would be most helpful in the situations described above?
  1. "Life is not fair. You're going to have to deal with it."
  2. "Winning and losing are a part of competition. It comes with the territory."
  3. "Just hang in there. Your day will come, probably sooner than you think."
  4. "You should feel good for your friend. Go over there and congratulate him."
  5. "It's not whether you win or lose. It's how you play the game."
  6. "Don't take it personally. It's not about you. It says more about them than it does about you."
  7. "There are a lot of reasons why people don't get picked. It's not always about how much effort you put into it."
  8. "If I was picking, you would have gotten a ribbon. It's clear to me you did a good job."
  9. "This is a good life lesson. Better to learn it now than later."
  10. "You should feel proud of your effort. You know on the inside what you did. Let that be good enough."
  11. "Snap out of it. It's just a game."
  12. "You'll always be a winner in my book."
    We suggest that you use none of these responses. None are helpful, appropriate, or nurturing during this time of disappointment, anger, or frustration in your child's life. Instead, lead with empathy. Your child is in the midst of strong emotion. Reassuring, advising, teaching, and explaining are not useful here. He or she will not hear you.
    Begin with an empathetic response. "You seem disappointed," "That sure can be frustrating," or "Being on the short end isn't always easy, is it?" honors the child's feelings. It helps him feel heard.
    If your child speaks, paraphrase what she said. If she says, "My project was a lot better than hers," reply, "In your mind you deserved a ribbon." If he says, "Jason got picked because his uncle is the coach," respond with, "You think the decision was based on more than ability."
    If your child uses no words, describe what you see: "You seem awfully quiet back there." "That looks like frustration I see on your face." "Your whole body looks dejected."
    Once you have used your nurturing voice to offer an empathetic response, you can move to your teaching stance. Get permission to do that first. You can gain that permission by asking, "Do you want to talk about it more?" or "Do you prefer to just sit with your feelings some more?" If the child does not want to talk right now, respect that choice. Debriefing can come later.
    When the feeling level has subsided, your child is more receptive. Now you can activate your teaching voice. Here is where you can ask clarifying questions, share perspectives, and offer important lessons. This is the best time to discuss how competition works, why judges have different points of view, or the choices we have about how to use these life lessons. This is the prime time to help your child learn that what matters most is how he feels inside about his effort, project, or performance. This is where the discussion about winning and losing, the nature of good sportsmanship, and celebration of others' accomplishments will have the most meaning. These are important lessons for our children to learn. Attempting to deliver them to a crying, sad or angry child is a waste of time—both yours and theirs. Again, the best time to teach this and other important lessons is after you have nurtured with empathetic responses and when the child is no longer in the midst of strong emotion.
    Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of Parent Talk Essentials. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children.They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:

    Parent Talk Essentials


    5. Beautiful Sioux Story

    (Author Unknown)
    The creator had gathered all of creation and asked for advice.
    He said, "I want to hide something from the humans until they are ready for it. It is the realization that they create their own reality."
    The eagle said, "Give it to me. I will take it to the bottom of the ocean. I will hide it there. They will never find it." And the creator said, "No. One day they will go to the bottom of the ocean, and they will find it."
    The buffalo said, "Give it to me. I will take it to the middle of the great plains and bury it there. They will never find it." And the creator said, "No. One day they will cut into the skin of the Earth, and they will find it even there."
    Then the bear said, "Give it to me. I will take it to the mountains, and I'll hide it in a cave. They will never find it in there." And the creator said, "No, they will even level those mountains, and they will find it there."
    Then Grandmother Mole spoke up, and everyone was quiet because everyone knows that Grandmother Mole, even though she does not have physical eyes, sees with spiritual eyes, because she lives in the breast of Mother Earth herself. Grandmother Mole said, "Put it inside of them." And the creator said, "It is done."

    Chick Moorman

    Contact Chick at:
    1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)


    Thomas Haller

    Contact Thomas at:



    Copyright 2012 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

    Gratitude for Your Child's Teacher
    How about something really useful for an end-of-the-year gift for your child's teacher? We suggest our new book, The Teacher Talk Advantage: Five Voices of Effective Teaching.
    This important book is currently at the printers. You can get the special pre-publication offer now.
    The Teacher Talk Advantage: 
    • Inspirational
    • Practical
    • Unprecedented
    The Teacher Talk Advantage: Five Voices of Effective Teaching is being printed now. It will be delivered to the Personal Power Press storage facility on or about May 15. That gives you a few weeks to take advantage of the "knock your socks off" prepublication offer that follows.
    The Teacher Talk Advantage is packed with verbal skills that:
    Empower, uplift, and affirm.
    Motivate and inspire.
    Reduce power struggles and learned helplessness.
    Build relationship through the use of empathy, understanding, and mutual respect.
    Teach personal responsibility.
    Help students create purpose, mission, and direction in their lives.
    Encourage students to become proficient at self-examination and self-evaluation.
    Teach a curriculum built not around subjects, but rather around core concepts such as honesty, diversity, responsibility, inner knowing, solution seeking, and personal power.
    Help students make decisions and find their own solutions.
    Help educators learn a style of communication that helps students learn how to become successful human beings. 

    Special Event
    Isn't it time for you now to answer the call and help the parents in your community learn the verbal skills necessary to become an uncommon and successful parent? Parents want to be successful and they want this information. You could be the one to give it to them.
    Bay Valley Resort & Conference Center
    2470 Old Bridge Road
    Bay City, MI 48706
    Click here to find out more about the Parent Talk System.

    Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.
    Yes, we both Twitter.

    Thomas B. Haller is now twitting. Instead of following what I am doing throughout the day, I invite you to follow what I am thinking. To join me as I tweet my thoughts, go to
    Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for Parent Talk Tips, timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact?

    Parent Workshops
    Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are now offering new two-hour parent programs based on their book, Parent Talk Essentials: How to Talk to Kids about Divorce, Sex, Money, School and Being Responsible in Today's World.
    • The 6 Best Parenting Strategies Ever
    • How to Make Your Kid Do Homework Without Having a Nervous Breakdown Yourself
    • Creating a Responsible, Caring, Conscious Child
    Currently booking winter programs. Affordable sessions are available now. Do your school, church, or community a real favor. Get the ball rolling. Talk to your school PTO, church group, or community program planner. Plan one or a series of sessions for the parents of your community. Both Thomas and Chick have extremely busy schedules. Call today to ensure your place on one of their calendars.
    Thomas Haller
    Chick Moorman

    Planning Your Summer Vacation?
    How about Cancun? Chick’s apartment overlooks the pool and the Caribbean. He is offering a 25% discount to all newsletter subscribers. Check it out here.

    Radio Every Thursday
    The Morning Shift with Dr. Tom
    Thomas Haller
    7:00 - 8:00 am WIOG-FM 102.5
    Parenting and relationship tips and current events.
    Also streaming live at
    TV Schedule WNEM-TV
    Family Matters with Thomas Haller
    Fridays at noon, Saturdays at 8:45 am, Sundays at 7:45 am and 8:45 am
    Also streaming live at
    April 18 - Midland, MI.
    The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm. Midland Schools, Plymouth Elementary. For information contact Debbie Randall at
    May 3 - Sarnia, Ontario, Canada.
    Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm – 9:00 pm. Kumon of Bright's Grove. For information contact Jenny Cho-Young at 519-899-2329 or email
    May 29 - Kearny, AZ.
    Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am - 3:30 pm. Ray Unified School. For information contact Rochelle Pacheco at 520-363-5511 ext. 100 or email

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