Parent Newsletter #111

August 6, 2012

Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: Escaping the Judgment Trap
5. Parent Talk Tip: Question and Answer

1. Quote:

"But after all the fuss and agony to rate our kids, their teachers and their schools, what have our children really learned? If your kids are anything like our kids, they have learned more about pressure and bureaucracy than math and English."
Lisa Cowan and Coleen Mingo
New York City Public School Parents

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Are you feeling surrounded today? Maybe the best way to go is UP. Can you visualize yourself rising above your current parenting challenge? If you can get high enough, you just may be able to see beyond it.

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a WHITE Chevy Beretta in Nashville, TN:

4. Article: Escaping the Judgment Trap

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
The judgment trap begins with our rush to evaluate. We compare, rate, score, judge, and assign value to movies, meat, eggs, music, furniture, cars, people, animals, left-handed pitchers, horses, and members of the opposite sex. We rank television programs, tennis players, and lovers. We identify the world's best-dressed men, determine the top 20 college basketball teams, and choose a Miss Universe. We evaluate our jobs, our coworkers, and ourselves. Nothing it seems escapes the critical, judgmental, evaluative mindset of our culture. We even judge our own children as good and bad, skinny and fat, smart and dumb, and best, better, greatest and wonderful.
Judgment categorizes and limits how we see our children. If you judge your son as dishonest and use language that communicates that belief to him, you increase the chance he will be dishonest in the future. If you tend to see your daughter as clumsy and talk about her as being clumsy, she begins to see herself that way and activates behaviors in line with her new beliefs about herself. In effect, your judgment has made her more clumsy.
So how do you get out of the judgment trap? How do you decrease the likelihood that your children will be snared in your trap and confined by it? Consider the following:
  1. Know that judgment is about you. Your judgment tells more about you than it does about the person being judged. It announces to the world that you are a person who likes and needs to judge.
  2. Eliminate "I was just kidding" from your parent talk repetoire. A joke is not a joke if it is not a joke. Your kidding was judgment hidden behind thinly veiled sarcasm.
  3. Refuse to play the blame game. Focus your parenting on fixing the situation rather than on fixing blame. Put your attention on finding a solution instead of on finding fault.
  4. Drop labels from your vocabulary. If you label your son uncreative, you are less likely to notice his creativity. If you label your daughter gifted, you are less likely to be accepting of aspects of her that are normal. Leave labels for jelly jars and prescription drugs.
  5. See your children as people in progress. None of us is complete yet. We are all unfinished, moving toward a realization of our potential.
  6. Add the words "yet," "so far," and "at this time" to your parent talk. "She is not proficient in long division yet" is more helpful than "She is not proficient in long division." "At this time she does not play the flute well" is not as final as "She does not play the flute well."
  7. Stay away from gossip sessions. Most gossip is pure judgment based on insufficient information. Have you ever heard a constructive gossip session? Neither have we. Walk away from gossip.
  8. Eliminate parent talk that describes your child as being that way. She is not silly. She acted in a way that included a lot of giggles. He is not thoughtless. On this occasion he chose a behavior that did not show much prior thought. He is not a liar. He is a person who did not tell the truth this time.
  9. Stop putting yourself down. It encourages your children to do the same. Eliminate "I'm stupid," "That was dumb," or "Stupid me!" from your verbal responses. Say instead, "That didn't turn out as well as I wanted."
  10. Remember, judgment makes permanent. Do you really want your son to see himself as that way? Do you want your judgment to be what your daughter comes to believe about herself?
The latest judgment you made is not who your child really is. He or she is much more than the narrow way that judgmental thoughts and words indicate. Help your children create the grandest version of who and what they really are. Use the ideas above to step out of the judgment trap and set both them and you free.
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of Parent Talk Essentials. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:

Parent Talk Essentials


5. Parent Talk Tip: Question and Answer

Hello Thomas and Chick,
What are your thoughts about breakfast conversation? No one in my family wants to talk about anything. It's just eat and run. Am I doing something wrong that I don't know about?
Feeling Guilty in Montana
Dear Feeling Guilty in Montana,
If you are looking for a time for teaching children moral principles, practical ways to behave, and polite manners, breakfast is not the best time to do it. Long conversations don't usually happen at breakfast. Most family members have places to go, plans to implement, and a personal agenda that is on their mind. This is also a time when others are often ornery, sleepy, and not fully into the day yet.
Make breakfast a time for helping children realize that your kitchen is a place where they can expect to find healthy food, a leisurely atmosphere, and a mom who loves them. That is enough. Long conversations can happen later.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at:
1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at:



Copyright 2012 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Books of the Month

Watch Keeper

by Reese Haller

Paperback book ($9.95) [Add to cart
The Watch Keeper is the latest book by Reese Haller, one of the youngest award-winning published writers in America. This fast-paced sci-fi adventure novel conveys profound messages about bullying, violence, and community to middle-school and high-school students.
Click here to Check It Out Inside the book.

101 Success Tips for Kids

by Reese Haller and Parker Haller

Paperback book ($11.95) [Add to cart]


Now, for the first time ever--a book by kids, for kids, on how to be successful.
Parents and educators want children to be successful. Coaches, school administrators and counselors want children to be successful. Politicians, clergy and grandparents want children to be successful. 101 Success Tips for Kids, written by Reese and Parker Haller, ages 11 and 8, will help children do just that. 

Special Event
2013 Dates for the Parent Talk System:
Training of Trainers
Isn't it time for you now to answer the call and help the parents in your community learn the verbal skills necessary to become an uncommon and successful parent? Parents want to be successful and they want this information. You could be the one to give it to them.
Parent Talk System Facilitator Training - July 17 - 19, 2013
Bay Valley Resort & Conf. Ctr.
2470 Old Bridge Road
Bay City, MI 48706

Coming Soon
The Thomas and Valerie Radio Show
Where Family Matters
A dynamic husband and wife team where:
  • Hot topics and family matters collide.
  • Education and psychology merge.
  • The relationship with your husband, wife and kids takes center stage.
Create the marriage of your dreams. 
Become the parent you've always wanted to be.
Alter your family tree.
Difficult questions…Practical answers…Incredible results
Coming September 2012!

Special Reports
We have over three dozen special reports on topics from toilet teaching to family vacation planning to sex education, all downloadable for a few dollars each. See the full list of special reports here!


Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.
Yes, we both Twitter.

Thomas B. Haller is now twitting. Instead of following what I am doing throughout the day, I invite you to follow what I am thinking. To join me as I tweet my thoughts, go to
Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for Parent Talk Tips, timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact?

TV Schedule WNEM-TV
Family Matters with Thomas Haller
Fridays at noon, Saturdays at 8:45 am, Sundays at 7:45 am and 8:45 am
Also streaming live at
Aug. 21 - Huntington, PA.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 7:30 am - 2:30 pm. Huntington Public School, Huntington High School. For more information contact Fred Foster at 814-643-4140 or email
Aug. 23 - Harbor Beach, MI.
Keynote Address presented by Thomas Haller, Teacher Talk Advantage. Harbor Beach Community Schools
Aug. 23 - Hardin, MT.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 9:30 am - 4:00 pm. Hardin Public School, Hardin High School. For more information contact Keith Campbell at 406-665-6300 or email
Aug. 28 - Auburn, MI.
Workshop Title to be Announced presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 3:30 pm. Auburn Area Catholic School. For information contact Teresa Finner at
Aug. 30 - 31 - Dearborn, MI. Parent Talk presented by Chick Moorman. Dearborn Public Schools.

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