Parent Newsletter #114

December 9, 2012

Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

1. Quote

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

3. Bumper Sticker

4. Article: Holiday Shopping with Children

5. Parent Talk Tip: 10 Things to Say That Lead with Curiosity When Things Do Not Go Well

1. Quote

"Observation without judgment brings insight."


Deepak Chopra

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Is there a parenting solution trying to find you today? Are you preventing it from arriving by assuming you already have it? Let your solution go and see what arrives to replace it.

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a blue Chevy truck in Richmond, VA:


If all else fails

Stop using all else.

4. Article: Holiday Shopping with Children

By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman


"I'm not taking my kids shopping. It's too much of a hassle."


"Shopping with my kids takes too much time. I can shop by myself a lot faster."


"My kids just want to look at things that they'd like. They are not interested in shopping for others."


There are a lot of reasons to shop by yourself this holiday season. Yep, it is faster. It is easier to maneuver. You don't have to deal with little ones who have to go to the bathroom. Whining will be eliminated unless you originate it yourself. Consensus is not necessary so decisions are easier to make.


Clearly, shopping without children offers specific benefits. So does shopping with your children. If you structure the adventure to be a success, shopping with your children just might be the most valuable gift you give them this holiday season.


Preplanning is critical. Decide before you go what gifts you are going to buy and for whom. This requires discussions about what Grandma and Grandpa might like to receive. "What do we know about Grandma that might help us choose an appropriate gift?" "What does Grandpa like to do in his spare time?" Children often know what they want to give, and their desire to give does not always match up with what someone might enjoy. Help them narrow that gap.


Make choices based on a budget. Let kids know how much you have to spend. Invite them to invest their own money in the process by joining resources with you or making their own purchase.


Leave with a list. Explain ahead of time that you are on a mission to purchase only gifts that are on the list. Your children will see other things that they want. Talk about this temptation before you go and explain how it will be handled. This eliminates the chance of a big surprise when you say "no" to a request to deviate from the plan.


Decide where to go. "What store might have the items we have on our list?" Brainstorm with your children so they are included in all the important decisions. Set a direct course of travel that is time efficient and traffic conscious.


By preplanning and shopping with your children you are gifting them in many ways. You are giving them the gift of your presence.Being with is as important as doing for. You are making a memory. Build connectedness by generating a shopping ritual of stopping at a juice shop to share a smoothie. Take the time to debrief the experience. You are building family connectedness that will last beyond the season.


You are also gifting your children with the opportunity to learn important life skills. They help you plan, make decisions, budget money, reach consensus, evaluate ideas, prioritize, and problem solve. They are experiencing responsibility in action.


Another gift you are presenting to your children is that of experiencing and understanding the process behind gift giving. They will now realize that a gift does not just appear on an important occasion. An entire process was necessary to get from no gift to one wrapped lovingly, attractively, and ready for opening. They will better understand what it takes to be a giver as well as what others went through to give to them.


Chances are you will also be gifting your children with the notion that you mean what you say. By setting up ahead of time what happens when they see something they want for themselves, you have enabled yourself to follow through with the exact structure you previously created. Most likely one of your children will see something they want. Store personnel are skilled at placing those things at children's eye level. You now have the opportunity to handle this typical parenting situation with dignity and firmness.


We suggest when your child says, "I want that," you grant in fantasy what you won’t in reality. Respond with, "Yes, that would be nice to have, wouldn't it? There are a bunch of things we could get for ourselves here." (This verbalization grants the child's wish in fantasy.) "Remember, we are on a mission today to shop for Grandma and Grandpa." This lets the child know that only gifts for Grandma and Grandpa are being purchased today. (This denies the request in reality.) An appropriate conclusion is to say, "Let's write that item down along with the price. Perhaps you will want to add it to your personal list." This allows the child to see it as a future possibility. In this way you have honored your child's desire for an item and followed through with the plan to purchase only items on the list.


Holiday shopping with children can be stressful or enjoyable. You can experience it as drudgery or a celebration. How you structure it and how you choose to think about it will help create what it is for you. Happy shopping.


Thomas Haller and Chiick Moorman are the authors of Parent Talk Essentials. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today:

Parent Talk Essentials




5. Parent Talk Tip: 10 Things to Say That Lead with Curiosity When Things Do Not Go Well

"Tell me about it."

"Say some more."

"I'd like to hear your point of view on it."

"What did it seem like to you?"

"Let me hear your opinion."

"What do you think about that situation?"

"I'm curious to know what happened."

"There must be something I don't know here."

"Help me fill in the blanks."

"How could I see this in a different way?"


Chick Moorman


Contact Chick at:


1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)





Thomas Haller


Contact Thomas at:







Copyright 2012 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Special Event

2013 Dates for the Parent Talk System:


Training of Trainers


Isn't it time for you now to answer the call and help the parents in your community learn the verbal skills necessary to become an uncommon and successful parent? Parents want to be successful and they want this information. You could be the one to give it to them.


Parent Talk System Facilitator Training - July 17 - 19, 2013

Bay Valley Resort & Conf. Ctr.

2470 Old Bridge Road

Bay City, MI 48706

Book of the Month

The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents


by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller


Softcover 120-page book ($14.95)

[Add to cart]


The three practical, skill-based strategies presented in this useful book deliver three amazingly simple verbal discipline strategies that will work with your children, from tots to teens!

The Thomas and Valerie Show

Thomas and Valerie Haller are a dynamic husband-and-wife team from Bay City, Michigan. Thomas, a psychologist, and Valerie, an educator, combine their expertise to discuss important issues on family, relationships, and raising responsible, caring, conscious children. They offer practical solutions to difficult questions. They can be contacted for speaking engagements or interviews at or


Listen live every Thursday on NPR Delta Q Radio 90.1 FM.


Past Radio Segments

Taking Kids Shopping

Creating a Blended Family

A Special Thanksgiving

Making Yourself Dispensable

Time Out for Time Out

Making Election Day a Family Affair

Winning the Candy Wars

Spanking Be Gone

Ending Homework Hassles

Understanding Transgender 


Visit to listen to past radio shows.

Special Reports

We have over three dozen special reports on topics from toilet teaching to family vacation planning to sex education, all downloadable for a few dollars each. See the full list of special reports here!




Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.




Yes, we both Twitter.


Thomas B. Haller is now twitting. Instead of following what I am doing throughout the day, I invite you to follow what I am thinking. To join me as I tweet my thoughts, go to


Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for Parent Talk Tips, timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact

Media Schedule

Thomas on television answering viewer questions:


Relationship Matters – Every Monday at 9:15 am on WNEM TV5 Better Mid-Michigan


Family Matters Segment – Every Friday at 12:15 pm on WNEM TV5 News at Noon.


Family Matters Segment – Every Saturday at 8:45 am on WNEM TV5 Weekend Wake-up.


Family Matters Segment – Every Sunday at 7:45 am & 8:45 am on WNEM TV5 Weekend Wake-up.


To view Dr. Tom's previous Family Matters segments, CLICK HERE.


Thomas on the radio answering questions and discussing hot topics:


Every Thursday morning at 7:30 am on CARZ 108FM – Streaming live online


Every Friday evening from 6:30 pm - 7:00 pm on AM1250. To see a listing of past topics and listen to the segments, CLICK HERE.


NPR, Q 90.1 FM - Delta College Quality Public Radio. Listen live every Thursday at 9:00 am Click here to listen. To listen to past shows visit

Seminar Schedule

Dec. 17 - Reno, NV.

Respect and Responsibility presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or


Dec. 18 - Phoenix, AZ.

Respect and Responsibility presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or


Feb. 4 - Long Island, NY.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or


Feb. 5 - White Plains, NY.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or


Feb. 6 - Newark, NJ.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or


Feb. 7 - Cherry Hill, NJ.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or


Feb. 8 - Long Branch, NJ.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or












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