Parent Newsletter #115

January 22, 2013

Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

 

1. Quote

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

3. Bumper Sticker

4. Article: Our Get-Along Shirt

5. Parent Talk Tip: 10 Things to Say That Lead with Curiosity When Things Do Not Go Well

 

1. Quote

"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans: It's lovely to be silly at the right moment."

 

Horace

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Are you in touch with your passion today? Will you find ways to communicate it to your children? To your spouse? To yourself?

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a white Buick Rendezvous in Sterling, MI:

 

It's Not the Lead Goose That Honks.

4. Article: Our Get-Along Shirt

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

 

To call it an interesting parenting strategy would be to put it mildly. It certainly caught our attention. And if the number of responses to it on Facebook is any indication, it piqued the interest of many other parents as well. Viewer response revealed overwhelming approval.

 

"I wish I had thought of that when my kids were growing up!"

 

"I'm going to start using that tomorrow."

 

"What a great idea."

 

"Now that's what I call Good Parenting."

 

"Applause, applause for those parents."

 

What prompted this outpouring of positive reaction, you wonder? The Get-Along Shirt. The photo that accompanied the Facebook post showed a super-large white t-shirt with "Our Get-Along Shirt" handwritten on the front. Inside the single shirt were two children. One was about a foot taller than the other, suggesting different ages. The smallest child had her right hand protruding from the right sleeve of the oversized shirt. The taller one had only his left arm visible, on the other side of the shirt. Each had one arm unavailable for use, in the middle of the shirt where their bodies touched. The faces of the children clearly showed a state of extreme displeasure. The girl, whom we estimate to be 5 or 6 years old, had obviously been crying.

 

Viewer reactions communicated high praise for this strategy. It was hailed as creative, brilliant, effective, and useful for teaching children the important lesson of how to get along with each other. All comments were positive. Not a single person who responded to this photo questioned the intent, the motives, the outcome, or how this shared-shirt technique was implemented. So we will take that task on ourselves.

 

We have no way of knowing exactly how this strategy was implemented or processed. So we will begin by assuming the parents had positive intentions. Their intention was no doubt to teach two siblings how to get along better with each other. That is a positive goal and one to which most parents can relate. So far, so good. The question here, though, is not whether it’s important to teach kids how to get along. We can all agree that it’s valuable. More important questions are: How and when was the shirt used? And did it achieve the desired goal while communicating mutual respect?

 

If the shirt was used after the fact—that is, after an incident of not getting along—then we are highly suspicious of its effectiveness as a teaching tool. Implemented as a reactive response, the shirt is likely to have been perceived as a symbol of punishment. Used to shame "naughty" children into obedience, this shirt will not teach children to get along. It will build resentment among siblings, and any cooperative behavior that occurs will not be because children have learned the value of interdependence and respect for one another. It will occur because of their desire to avoid contact with their sibling and fear of punishment from the parent.

 

"You two better be careful or you'll get the shirt" is a threat that indicates you are not in a teaching mode. Instead, you have assumed a controlling stance that will not help your children learn about cooperation and connectedness. You are about to force two children who are having trouble getting along into a contrived proximity that invades each person's personal space without their consent or approval. This doesn't help children learn to respect one another's space. It teaches them that parents (big people) can disrespect another person's space without permission. This is an inappropriate use of power, a strategy often attributed to bullies.

 

On the other hand, if the Get-Along Shirt is used before the uncooperative incident occurs, or at a later time, it could have enormous value as a teaching tool. Used in a playful way, wrapped in the spirit of learning, the shirt could be the springboard for useful discussion and learning about interdependence, cooperation, a helping attitude, and other important family concepts.

 

Invite (yes, give them a choice) your children to wear the shirt for ten minutes. You can extend the time if they so choose after the short trial. Give them a simple task like tying their shoes, playing catch with you, or pouring a glass of milk. Watch as they work to accomplish the task cooperatively, or not. Listen to how they give and receive directions from each other. Notice the degree of frustration or patience they activate. See how they work together on a common goal: the two of them versus the task rather than versus each other. Resist the urge to preach and give lessons. Allow the lessons to rise within them, to come from the inside out.

 

Debrief the activity with questions that require thinking.

 

"What did you notice?"

 

"What worked and what didn’t?"

 

"What did you learn here that can be used in other parts of your life?"

 

"How is this the same as, or different from, how we operate as a family?"

 

"How would you summarize this experience in one sentence?"

 

"What is another incident that this reminds you of?"

 

Valuable lessons can result from this activity and the debriefing which follows. The importance of cooperation and doing things together; precise communication; patience; strengths and limitations of working with others; and the value of family are just a few realizations that can flow from this experience.

 

Why not use the shirt with your spouse in full view of your children? Let them watch as the two of you struggle, play and laugh as you engage the activity. Keep it light and lively. Debrief in your children's presence. Let them have input on what they saw and thought.

 

The Get-Along Shirt can be a helpful or detrimental addition to your parenting toolbox. Why not use it for teaching rather than shaming, education instead of punishment, and learning as opposed to controlling? Why not use it to truly help your family learn to get along?

 

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of Parent Talk Essentials. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.uncommon-parenting.com 

Parent Talk Essentials

 

 

CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE PARENT TALK ESSENTIALS.

5. Parent Talk Tip: 10 Things to Say That Are Inclusive When Making Decisions

"What do you think?"

"Let's listen to everyone."

"What would be your choice?"

"Is there a way for both of you to get what you want?"

"Say more about your thought."

"Who has a different opinion?"

"Let's just collect ideas now, not evaluate them."

"Are there any more thoughts on this?"

"What can we do to help you feel comfortable with this?"

"Is there a way to give everybody a bit of what they prefer?" 

Chick Moorman

 

Contact Chick at:

 

1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)

e-mail ipp57@aol.com

www.chickmoorman.com 

www.twitter.com/chickmoorman

www.facebook.com/chick.moorman

 

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.

 

Thomas Haller

 

Contact Thomas at:

 

989-686-5356

e-mail thomas@thomashaller.com

www.thomashaller.com

www.twitter.com/tomhaller

www.facebook.com/thomas.b.haller

 

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.

Copyright

Copyright 2013 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Special Event

2013 Dates for the Parent Talk System:

 

Training of Trainers

 

Isn't it time for you now to answer the call and help the parents in your community learn the verbal skills necessary to become an uncommon and successful parent? Parents want to be successful and they want this information. You could be the one to give it to them.

 

Parent Talk System Facilitator Training - July 17 - 19, 2013

Bay Valley Resort & Conf. Ctr.

2470 Old Bridge Road

Bay City, MI 48706

Book of the Month

Talk Sense to Yourself: The Language of Personal Power

 

by Chick Moorman

 

Paperback book, 201 pages ($15.00)

 

Contained within the book is a series of words, phrases and ways of speaking that will increase your sense of personal power. Talk Sense will help you structure your language patterns to put more choice and possibility in your life. You will become more self-confident, improve your self-esteem, and learn how to talk sense to yourself.

 

 

Click here to order.

The Thomas and Valerie Show

Thomas and Valerie Haller are a dynamic husband-and-wife team from Bay City, Michigan. Thomas, a psychologist, and Valerie, an educator, combine their expertise to discuss important issues on family, relationships, and raising responsible, caring, conscious children. They offer practical solutions to difficult questions. They can be contacted for speaking engagements or interviews at thomas@thomashaller.com or vahaller@hotmail.com.

 

To follow The Thomas and Valerie Show on Facebook, click here.

 

Listen live every Thursday on NPR Delta Q Radio 90.1 FM.

 

Past Radio Segments:

  • A Marriage Lesson From Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • The Dangers of Withholding Sports as a Consequence
  • 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Filing for Divorce
  • New Year's Eve: Family Style
  • Avoiding Holiday Disputes
  • School Violence and Kids
  • Tips for Making Your Family Holiday the Best Ever
  • Taking Kids Shopping
  • Creating a Blended Family
  • A Special Thanksgiving

Visit www.thethomasandvalerieshow.com to listen to past radio shows.

Special Reports

We have over three dozen special reports on topics from toilet teaching to family vacation planning to sex education, all downloadable for a few dollars each. See the full list of special reports here!

Facebook/Twitter

Facebook

 

Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.

 

Twitter

 

Yes, we both Twitter.

 

Thomas B. Haller is now twitting. Instead of following what I am doing throughout the day, I invite you to follow what I am thinking. To join me as I tweet my thoughts, go to

www.twitter.com/tomhaller.

 

Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for Parent Talk Tips, timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact

http://twitter.com/ChickMoorman

Seminar Schedule

Feb. 4 - Long Island, NY.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 5 - White Plains, NY.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 6 - Newark, NJ.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 7 - Cherry Hill, NJ.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 8 - Long Branch, NJ.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 13 - Surrey, BC, Canada

Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Pacific Academy. For information contact Linda Mills at 604-581-2774 or email lmills@pacificacademy.net.

 

Feb. 14 - Surrey, BC, Canada

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am 3:30 pm. Pacific Academy. For information contact Linda Mills at 604-581-2774 or email lmills@pacificacademy.net.

 

Feb. 14 - Chilliwack, BC, Canada

Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Chilliwack SD #33. For information contact Dan Heisler at 604-824-7481 or email dan_heisler@sd33.bc.ca.

 

Feb. 15 - Chilliwack, BC, Canada

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 3:30 pm. Chilliwack SD #33. For information contact Dan Heisler at 604-824-7481 or email dan_heisler@sd33.bc.ca.

 

Feb. 21 - Suttons Bay, MI

Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 6:30 pm - 8:00 pm. Leelanau Montessori Public School Academy. For information contact Connie Laufersky at lauferskyc@leelanaumontessori.org.

 

Feb. 25 - Regina, SK, Canada

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 26 - Calgary, AB, Canada

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 27 - Edmonton, AB, Canada

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Feb. 28 - Vancouver, BC, Canada

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

Media Schedule

Thomas on television answering viewer questions:

 

Relationship Matters – Every Monday at 9:15 am on WNEM TV5 Better Mid-Michigan

 

Family Matters Segment – Every Friday at 12:15 pm on WNEM TV5 News at Noon

 

Family Matters Segment – Every Saturday at 8:45 am on WNEM TV5

 

Family Matters Segment – Every Sunday at 7:45 am & 8:45 am on WNEM TV5 Weekend Wake-up

 

To view Dr. Tom's previous Family Matters segments, CLICK HERE.

 

Thomas on the radio answering questions and discussing hot topics:

 

Every Thursday morning at 7:30 am on CARZ 108FM – Streaming live online www.wcrz.com.

 

NPR, Q 90.1 FM - Delta College Quality Public Radio. Listen live every Thursday at 9:00 am. Click here to listen. To listen to past shows visit

www.thethomasandvalerieshow.com.

Links

PERSONAL POWER PRESS

TEACHER TALK ADVANTAGE

CHICK MOORMAN

THOMAS HALLER

UNCOMMON PARENTING

REESE HALLER

PARKER HALLER

DENTAL TALK

HEALING ACRES

THE THOMAS AND VALERIE SHOW

Personal Power Press • P.O. Box 547 • Merrill • MI • 48637
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