Parent Newsletter #116

April 2, 2013

Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

 

1. Quote

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

3. Bumper Sticker

4. Article: Teaching Children How to Speak Up

5. Parent Talk Tip: 10 Things to Say to Your Child That Allow You to Move Up and Rise Above a Battle

 

1. Quote

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."

 

Buddha

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What if your child cannot change until you emotionally accept them the way there are now? Are you willing to be that person? 

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a white Ford Focus in Shelby Township, MI:

 

Every Child Is a Wanted Child.

4. Article: Teaching Children How to Speak Up

By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

 

This month marks the anniversaries of the Virginia Tech shooting that happened on April 16, 2007, and the shooting at Columbine High School that took place on April 20, 1999. When you couple those two events with the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary four months ago, it is clear that more needs to be done to stop these violent explosions of anger.

 

In addition to these highly visible and tragic events, there are many smaller disturbing incidents of children sniffing substances, bringing a knife to school, using drugs, bullying, sexually harassing, etc. What can we as parents do to prevent and deal with these problems and protect our children? Nothing, if we don't know about them.

 

If a young girl or boy is being harassed with sexual innuendos after school, what can you do? Precious little if no one informs you.

 

What if sixth graders are sniffing rubbing alcohol in the back of the bus? How are you going to handle that? You’re not, if you don’t know about it.

 

What is your next move if your child's best friend is sneaking pills from his mother's medicine cabinet? Same answer. You will not be able to protect your child because you are unaware that a problem even exists.

 

Unless your child or someone else's child informs an adult of the problem, it will go on unabated. Children need to be taught to speak up. Unfortunately, they learn very early not to be a "snitch" on their peers. They are often instructed in school not to be a "tattletale."

 

The problem remains: if kids don't report, adults can't assist. Therefore, it behooves us to teach children when and how to report correctly. These are the do's and don'ts of helping kids learn the valuable skill of reporting:

 

Do rename tattling. Tattling is a negative word with negative connotations. Because we call it tattling and define that as bad, we work to eliminate it in our children. They learn very early that telling on others is a bad thing. We suggest you call it "reporting." Reporting doesn't have a negative association attached to it. In fact, we even pay people in our society to do reporting. Don't we all wish someone had reported the possibility of violence before the Columbine, Virginia Tech, and Sandy Hook massacres?

 

Do not help children learn cute and clever criteria for determining when to report a situation, behavior, or circumstance. The parent or teacher who wants to hear the information only if it involves "the 3 B's"—barf, blood, or being hurt—is one example. Another is the parent who asks of a child who wants to report something about a sibling, "Is it going to get them in or out of trouble?" If it's going to get them out of trouble, he wants to hear the report. If the reporting is designed to get the other child into trouble, the parent instructs the reporter to keep it to himself. This is not helpful.

 

Do not teach children that there is an inappropriate time to report. Instruction on when not to report is misguided and unhelpful to the child's development as a self-responsible human being. It is always valuable to report.

 

Do help children identify the right person to report to. The important issue in helping children learn about appropriate reporting behavior is not when to report. The critical decision about reporting involves WHO to report to. We must help children learn to report to the right person. When a child reports to you or to any other adult that a classmate was passing rubbing alcohol around on the bus and asking students to sniff it, he is reporting to the right person. If a child tells you his brother got sick in the bathroom, he is reporting to the exact person who needs to hear the report.

 

Do teach children about reporting to the wrong person. If a child reports to you that his sister won't give him a turn on the swing, he has reported to the wrong person. Your job in this instance is to help him find the correct person to report to and teach him how to do it effectively. Say, "Sounds like you're wanting a turn. That's something you need to report to your sister, Cherrie. Would you like me to help you come up with an appropriate way to tell her?" Then accompany the child to the scene and coach him through the dialogue, making sure he is heard. Later, after a few attempts with you being present, you can send your son off alone to report his feelings and desires to the person who most needs to hear them.

 

High school students can be taught to report to the person sitting next to them that they don’t like it when answers are copied from their paper. The correct person to report to in this case is the person doing the copying. If several instances of reporting to this correct person are unsuccessful, a new "correct person" emerges to report to—the teacher.

 

Young children can be taught to report to the person who steps on their toe, not to an adult. Middle-school students can be taught to report bullying when they notice the victim is unable or unwilling to stand up for herself. First, they can report their feelings to the bully. If that doesn’t work, they can report to an adult.

 

Do not accept value judgments. Teach your child to give you facts. "Arturo is being mean" is a value judgment, an interpretation. "Arturo hits and pinches people on the bus" states behavioral facts. "Fatima is being rude" is an interpretation of the facts. "Fatima is calling people names and threatening them" are the descriptive facts.

 

Do give your children the words to use when reporting. Teach them this sentence for reporting to any adult: "I need your help. Tommy is _________ . I have asked him to stop and he won't. Will you help me?" To report to another child, give your son or daughter these words: "We don’t talk to each other that way in this family," or "I feel _________ because______________. I would like it if you would_____________________."

 

Do teach children when they need to report to themselves. If another child’s behavior is not bothering anyone and is not potentially harmful, the child may need to say something to himself, such as, "This isn't my issue," or "This is not a major concern."

 

Do not dismiss the reporting of a child. Telling youngsters to "suck it up" or "ignore it and it will go away" is counterproductive. It will teach your child that you are not the person to confide in. They will not bring important information to you in the future.

 

Do not overfunction. Overfunctioning occurs when you take over and do the speaking for your child. Your job is to teach your children to speak up for themselves.

 

Do become an advocate for your child if necessary. If your youngster does speak up for himself and an adult tells him not to worry about it or to stop tattling, it is time for you to intervene. Make it very clear to the adult that your child is learning how to speak up and you expect his voice to be taken seriously.

 

Do put these suggestions into practice in your family. With more young people speaking up for themselves, we can reduce the incidence of bullying, violence, taunting, and other dangerous acts. Our children are worth it.

 

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of Parent Talk Essentials. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.uncommon-parenting.com

 

Parent Talk Essentials


 

 

CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE PARENT TALK ESSENTIALS.

5. Parent Talk Tip: 10 Things to Say to Your Child That Allow You to Move Up and Rise Above a Battle

1. "How can we both get what we want?"

 

2. "Say some more about that. It's still your turn."

 

3. "Let's take a time away."

 

4. "I don't like what I just heard. Can you tell me a different way?"

 

5. "If you were talking to your best friend, how would you explain this to her?"

 

6. "Let's both get on the same side, facing the problem."

 

7. "Let's change places. I'll be you and you be me."

 

8. "Let's talk about HOW we are talking about it."

 

9. "What if we started over and spoke calmly?"

 

10. "Come on, let's walk and talk."

Chick Moorman


 

Contact Chick at:

 

1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)

e-mail ipp57@aol.com

www.chickmoorman.com 

www.twitter.com/chickmoorman

www.facebook.com/chick.moorman

 

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.

 

Thomas Haller


 

Contact Thomas at:

 

989-686-5356

e-mail thomas@thomashaller.com

www.thomashaller.com

www.twitter.com/tomhaller

www.facebook.com/thomas.b.haller

 

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.

Copyright

Copyright 2013 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Special Event

We want you! Yes, YOU!

 

We want you to learn the Parent Talk verbal skills and teach them to others. Isn't it time you became a PARENT TALK TRAINER and shared this important information with parents in your church, school, or community?

 

We will teach you how.

 

We will give you EVERYTHING you need. Skills, materials, a training manual, research, confidence, ongoing support, encouragement, and more are included.

 

This training will change your life and the life of your own children and grandchildren, as well as the lives of parents and children in your community.

 

2013 Dates for the Parent Talk System:

Training of Trainers

 

Isn't it time for you now to answer the call and help the parents in your community learn the verbal skills necessary to become an uncommon and successful parent? Parents want to be successful and they want this information. You could be the one to give it to them.

 

Parent Talk System Facilitator Training - July 17 - 19, 2013

Bay Valley Resort & Conf. Ctr.

2470 Old Bridge Road

Bay City, MI 48706

Book of the Month

Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility by Chick Moorman

 

This book teaches parents the verbal skills they need to raise responsible, caring, confident children. To be an effective parent you must be able to use words and language patterns that discourage resistance, reluctance, and resentment. You must learn language that empowers, nurtures, and uplifts rather than language that criticizes, shames, and wounds. 

 

PARENT TALK will tell you what to say to communicate more effectively—and peacefully—with your child. Learn the most effective words for the right situation. 

 

Click here to order. 

Twitter

If you are not following Thomas Haller on Twitter, you missed the following recent tweets and a lot more. 

  • It is not a crutch to have people in your life that help you. It is a gift. Allow the gifts to come to you today.
  • Research shows that people judge trustworthiness before competence and power. Remember this the next time you're talking with your children.

  • I've had the pleasure of spending the day with

    my son, who had 3 teeth extracted. I was honored to be with him. Thank you,

    Parker.
  • I would prefer that my children believe in something that I don't agree with rather than blindly follow a belief system of someone else.

  • Creativity is like electricity: when it's turned on in children it creates shocking results.

Follow Thomas here: www.twitter.com/tomhaller.

More Twitter

If you are not following Chick Moorman on Twitter, you missed the following recent tweets and a lot more.

  • Parent Talk Tip #535: "So today is testing day? How about staying home with me and we'll just bum around and do whatever we feel like?" 
  • Parent Talk Tip #534: Give tons of empathy when kids use all their allowance. Give zero $$. They learn by trial & error. No bailouts. 
  • Parent Talk Tip #533: "It's your own fault." Blame is thinly veiled emotional abuse. Make "fault" an F-WORD in your home. Refuse to use it. 
  • Parent Talk Tip #532: Say, "Not choosing is a choice. That's the way some people give their power away. You can give it away or not. It’s your choice." 
  • Parent Talk Tip #531: "It can only bother you if you let it in" teaches kids they have the power to give another’s words and actions meaning. 

Follow Chick here: http://twitter.com/ChickMoorman

Spring Parent Programs

Bring one of the following spring workshops to your parent group. Call Thomas (989-239-8626) or Chick (989-205-8045) today and get this important ball rolling. 

  1. How to Avert the Summer Brain Drain
  2. The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need
  3. Words That Empower, Words That Wound
  4. Handling Aggression in Children

Now booking spring workshops JUST IN TIME TO HELP PARENTS GET READY FOR SUMMER. How about your school?

Special Reports

We have over three dozen special reports on topics ranging from toilet teaching to family vacation planning to sex education, all downloadable for a few dollars each. See the full list of special reports here!

Media Schedule

Thomas on television answering viewer questions:

 

Relationship Matters – Every Monday at 9:15 am on WNEM TV5 Better Mid-Michigan

 

Family Matters Segment – Every Friday at 12:15 pm on WNEM TV5 News at Noon

 

Family Matters Segment – Every Saturday at 8:45 am on WNEM TV5

 

Family Matters Segment – Every Sunday at 7:45 am & 8:45 am on WNEM TV5 Weekend Wake-up

 

To view Dr. Tom's previous Family Matters segments, CLICK HERE.

 

Thomas on the radio answering questions and discussing hot topics:

 

Every Thursday morning at 7:30 am on CARZ 108FM – Streaming live online www.wcrz.com.

 

NPR, Q 90.1 FM - Delta College Quality Public Radio. Listen live every Thursday at 9:00 am. Click here to listen. To listen to past shows visit

www.thethomasandvalerieshow.com.

Seminar Schedule

April 15 - Appleton, WI.

 

Motivating the Unmotivated Presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

April 16 - Milwaukee, WI.

 

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

April 17 - Chicago North, IL.

 

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

April 18 - Champaign, IL.

 

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

April 25 - Clinton Township, MI.

 

Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Montessori Children's Academy. For information contact Jan Malker at 586-286-4566 or email jmalkar@montessori-childrens-academy.org.

 

May 8 - Manchester, NY.

 

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

June 6 - 8 - Cancun, Mexico.

 

Topics to be Announced. Presented by Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman. For more information contact Yessica Leul at 011-52-1-998-874-0892 or email vigilesc27@hotmail.com.

Links

PERSONAL POWER PRESS

TEACHER TALK ADVANTAGE

CHICK MOORMAN

THOMAS HALLER

UNCOMMON PARENTING

REESE HALLER

PARKER HALLER

DENTAL TALK

HEALING ACRES

THE THOMAS AND VALERIE SHOW

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