Parent Newsletter #117

 

May 6, 2013

Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

 

In This Issue

1. Quote

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

3. Bumper Sticker

4. Special Report: The Uncommon Parent in a Common World

5. Special Event

6. Media Schedule

7. Seminar Schedule

1.  Quote

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is the power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

 

Victor E. Frankl

2.  Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What can you do today to help your child feel safe to show you more of herself than she has been willing to show so far? How can you arrange your behavior to encourage that?

3.  Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a gray Dodge Nitro in San Francisco, CA:

 

CHARM SCHOOL

DROP OUT

4. Special Report: The Uncommon Parent in a Common World

What is needed today to help parents raise responsible, caring, conscious children is a radical shift in the parenting consciousness that exists on the planet. The time for tweaking this or that external circumstance is over. It isn’t working! It is now time to make a fundamental change—to parent with enlightenment—to do conscious parenting—to create the UNCOMMON PARENT for today’s world.

 

If you want to become an Uncommon Parent or simply wonder if you are an Uncommon Parent, use the following list to compare yourself with the criteria.

 

UNCOMMON PARENTING PARADIGM

UNCOMMON PARENTING

PARADIGM

1. Manage their own minds (consciousness) before they manage the child's behavior.

 

2. Help children develop their inner-authority.

 

3. Parent from the end first, taking the time to build the foundation and path toward competent adulthood.

 

4. Focus on who they decide to be in response to what happens to them as parents.

 

5. Believe the most important part of what just happened with their children is how they choose to be in response to what just happened.

 

6. Allow children to experience silence.

 

7. Do not take things personally and respond from an essence beyond the ego.

 

8. Rise above thought and either choose the thought they want or transcend thought by accessing the dimension that exist within them that is beyond thought.

 

9. Are present with the parenting experience they are having at the moment, knowing that it is the one that is perfect for this time and place.

 

10. Have learned to yield, surrendering emotionally to the what is of their parenting life.

 

11. Know that inner resistance to a parenting situation creates outer resistance.

 

12. Focus on solutions sending positive vibrations and emotions into the universe.

 

13. Let go of grievances, employing forgiveness and starting over.

 

14. Know that children are in their lives as much so they can learn from the children as it is so that their children can learn from them.

 

15. Know that their thoughts about a parenting situation produce their emotions.

 

16. Know that children choose their suffering so they can learn lessons and allow that suffering to take them deeper to the learning that is waiting.

 

17. Know that their only point of power is now.

 

18. Expresses gratitude regularly, focusing on abundance.

 

 

19. Bring light to the darkness.

 

20. Invest in experiences.

 

21. Believe that mess in necessary for learning.

 

22. Create a culture of accountability with love and kindness

 

 

23. See mistakes as learning experiences and opportunities for teaching.

 

24. Structure is created to meet the needs of children and adults adapt their schedules accordingly.

 

25. Are present when they are with children, focusing their attention on the activity at hand.

 

26. Invest their time searching for solutions.

 

 

27. Know that being right doesn't work.

 

 

28. Learn and use self-responsible language that reflects a belief in autonomy, personal responsibility, and ownership for one's actions and feelings.

 

 

29. Use Language that helps children see themselves as cause.

 

30. Allow children to do their own thinking.

 

31. Teach children to speak for themselves.

 

 

32. Teach children a solution-seeking process and allow them to solve their own problems.

 

33. Refuse to rescue children and do not protect them from experiencing the legitimate consequences of their action.

 

34. Use a style of praise that allows the child to make the evaluation so that their self-esteem becomes internal.

 

 

35. Communicate anger, irritation, and annoyance in ways that preserve the child's dignity.

 

36. Offer children choices to help them become impowered and decisionally literate.

 

37. Treat parenting as the most important role they will ever have.

 

 

38. Refrain from using verbal or physical violence at all times.

 

39. Work to make themselves dispensable to their children.

 

40. Treat every incident as if it were a first time occurrence.

 

 

41. Purposefully teach the Attraction Principle to their children helping them find the key to achieving their hearts' desires.

 

42. Realize that shame, blame, and guilt have long lasting effects on children and create negative core beliefs.

 

43. Emotionally accept that what is---is, even as they work to alter the what is on a physical level.

 

44. Have learned to accept, then act.

 

 

45. Have learned to be the silent watcher, without judging, analyzing, or intervening.

 

46. Talk Less. Act more.

 

47. Use the Attraction Principle in their own lives and teach it to their children.

 

 

 

48. See themselves as empowered and at choice about their children and their family.

 

 

49. Know and use appropriate time-outs such as going for a walk, aerobics, meditation, and alone time.

 

50. Take responsibility for the state of their family life.

 

51. Realize that children are not finished yet.

 

52. Realize that how they are doing what they are doing is more important that what they are doing.

 

53. Realize that being with is more important than doing to.

 

54. Separate the deed from the doer when implementing a discipline strategy.

 

55. Hold children in a state of grace as the hold them accountable for their behaviors.

 

 

56. Recognize that their children are different from them and encourage them to become their own person.

 

57. Nurture before they attempt to fix situations.

 

58. Give children acceptance, appreciation, affirmation and trust that they are learning the lesson.

 

59. Do not expect parenting to be convenient, time-efficient, or easy.

 

60. Believe that in order to raise children effectively they have to raise themselves first and work toward raising their consciousness to improve their parenting.

 

61. Look beyond the parenting world that is to the parenting world that could be.

 

 

62. See the current parenting situation as perfect. It is either perfectly the way they want it to be, or gives them the perfect data they need to choose an alternate response.

 

63. Debrief regularly with children giving them opportunities to look at their behaviors, the results they produced, and learn from them.

 

64. Give their children opportunities to experience the beauty and sacredness of nature.

 

65. Create healthy limits for their children and implement them with an open heart.

 

66. Find the goodness in their children and allow it to emerge.

 

67. Choose a state of consciousness which directs how they interact with their children.

 

68. Refuse to label children and see each present moment as new.

 

 

69. Challenge their compulsive thinking and direct their thoughts to produce a desired result.

 

70. Know their sense of self is not dependent on their children's behavior.

 

71. See themselves as temporary guardians of their children.

 

72. Affirm, uplift, and inspire.

 

73. Concentrate on what they get to do in parenting situations.

 

74. Acknowledge the facts of each parenting situation and take action if needed.

 

75. Find ways to make everyone right.

 

76. Realize that what they resist persists.

 

 

77. Give attention, time and listening to their children.

 

78. Feel equal to their children

 

79. The children need the parents more than the parents need the children.

 

80. The way they speak to children is the same as they speak to adults.

 

 

81. Give children room to be and to become who they choose to be.

 

82. Never do anything for the child that the child can do for herself.

 

83. Lead with empathy and nurture.

 

84. Refrain from using should and should have with their children, relying instead on dealing with what is and what could be.

 

85. See all children as unique and special.

 

 

86. Include children when making decisions

 

87. Celebrate the success of other parents and their children

 

88. See nature as providing lessons so parents stop, look, listen, and feel.

 

89. Guide children to a conscious understanding of feelings and teach them how to recognize, name, and cope with feelings.

 

90. Control their train of thought and give those thoughts a destination with intentionality.

 

 

91. Show respect for the other parent even if they are separated or divorced.

 

 

92. Do not value violence and killing and do not participate in it with TV, movies, video games, or music.

 

93. Stay present when a child is in tantrum mode by being with, paraphrasing feelings and behaviors, using descriptions and allowing a cool down period.

 

94. Refuse to be moved by anger, whining, crying, begging, or sulking.

 

 

 

95. Use time out for a calming time away.

 

96. Ignore the words and react to the feeling tone when a child is in tantrum mode.

 

97. Lead with curiosity when things don't go well.

 

98. Focus on children's strengths.

 

99. Can rise above a situation to the place of silent witness.

 

100. Have learned to be still and listen.

 

101. Work for solutions and decisions that are inclusive.

NORMAL PARENTING

PARADIGM

1. Manage the child's behavior without raising their own consciousness first.

 

2. Insist that children follow an outside authority and learn to obey.

 

3. Parent in this moment, doing what is fast, easy, and comfortable for the adult.

 

 

4. Focus on what they decide to do in response to what happens to them as parents.

 

5. Believe the most important part of what just happened with their children is what they do about what just happened with their children.

 

6. Surround their children with noise.

 

7. Take things personally and respond from an ego perspective.

 

8. Equate themselves with their thinking and let their thoughts direct their behavior.

 

 

 

9. Resist the present parenting moment and attempt to control it by making it into something different.

 

 

10. Emotionally resist the what is of the parenting situation and invest energy in wishing it wasn't so.

 

11. Outwardly resist parenting situations with no regard to the effects that follow.

 

 

12. Focus on problems, amplifying them and making them bigger.

 

13. Carry grievances, continuing to resent the past.

 

14. Believe they are the teachers and the children are the learners.

 

 

 

15. Believe the parenting situation causes their emotions.

 

16. Try to spare children from all suffering.

 

 

 

 

17. Focus on the past and the future, ignoring the present moment.

 

18. Expresses desire for more or to have things be different regularly, focusing on lack and limitation.

 

19. Bring more darkness to darkness.

 

20. Invest in things.

 

21. Believe that neat and orderly is what is most important.

 

22. Do not hold children accountable for their actions or do it with anger and control through punishment.

 

23. Judge mistakes as bad and see them as behavior to be avoided.

 

24. Structure is created to meet the needs of adults and children are expected to adapt their schedules accordingly.

 

25. Multitask when they are with children, focusing their attention on several things at the same time.

 

26. Invest their time doing blame and punishment.

 

27. Believe they are right and force compliance.

 

28. Use unself-responsible language that reflects a victim mentality, lack of awareness of personal responsibility, and denial of ownership for one's actions and feelings.

 

29. Use language that helps children see adults as cause.

 

30. Do children's thinking for them.

 

31. Speak for children, often telling other people what their children think.

 

32. Solve children's problems for them.

 

 

 

33. Rescue children frequently, denying them opportunities to experience the legitimate consequences of their actions.

 

34. Use a style of praise that is predominately evaluative so the child's self-esteem becomes external and they chase after praise.

 

35. Communicate anger, irritation, and annoyance in ways that attack character, personality and wound the spirit.

 

36. Offer children no choices, telling them what and how they will do things.

 

37. Treat parenting as an inconvenience and intrusion on the adult's time, schedule, and needs.

 

38. Spank and yell at children defending their actions as appropriate.

 

39. Work to make themselves indispensable to their children.

 

40. Do mental score-keeping dragging the past into the present and projecting it into the future.

 

41. Think children should not be able to have everything they want and should learn to do without.

 

42. Use shame, blame, and guilt on children manipulating them into a quick fix compliance to the adult's wishes.

 

43. Emotionally resist what is with judging, labeling and shoulding.

 

 

44. Take action from a state of non-acceptance.

 

45. Judge, think, emote, and act without observing silently.

 

46. Talk more. Act less.

 

47. Are unaware that the Attraction Principle is operating in their lives and are therefore unconscious of the ways it is affecting their families.

 

48. See themselves as victims who are unable to choose effective parenting strategies.

 

49. Use inappropriate time-outs such as drugs, alcohol, sexual addiction, and compulsive work.

 

50. Blame others, including their children for the state of their family life.

 

51. Expect children to behave like finished products.

 

52. Think what they are doing and why they are doing it is more important that how they are doing it.

 

53. Think doing to is their main job.

 

 

54. Equate the deed with the doer when implementing a discipline strategy.

 

55. See children as bad and make them wrong as they hold them accountable for their behaviors.

 

56. Demand their children think, feel, and act the way the parents do.

 

 

57. Work at fixing situations without nurturing.

 

58. Give children judgment, criticism, shame and demand that they learn the lesson.

 

 

59. Believe that parent should be convenient, time-efficient, and easy.

 

60. Look continually for the children to improve and rarely look inward to examine their own beliefs, skills, and attitudes.

 

 

61. Focus primarily on the parenting world that is, attracting more of what is into their parenting lives.

 

62. See the current parenting situation as awful and choose future responses from that view.

 

 

 

63. Do not have the time, skills, or desire to debrief with their children.

 

 

 

64. Are too busy to give their children experiences with nature.

 

 

65. Create rules for children and demand compliance.

 

66. Try to fill their children up with goodness.

 

67. Interact with their children without being aware of their own state of consciousness.

 

68. Are quick to attach labels to children and situations so that behaviors seem old and connected to the past.

 

69. Allow their compulsive thinking to direct their lives.

 

 

70. Derive their sense of self from their children's accomplishments and behaviors.

 

71. Believe their children belong to them.

 

 

72. Criticize, shame, and belittle.

 

73. Concentrate on what they have to do in parenting situations.

 

74. Complain and feel resentful about parenting situations and children's behavior.

 

 

75. Make others wrong.

 

76. Persistently resist with increasing emotion and action.

 

77. Expect children to give attention, time, and listening to the parent.

 

78. Feel superior to their children.

 

79. The parents need the children more than the children need the parents.

 

80. Speak differently to children than they do to adults, often being condescending and "better than."

 

81. Coerce children to become who the parent wants them to be.

 

82. Do for children until they are unable to do for themselves.

 

83. Lead with discipline and punishment.

 

84. Think children should or should have and frequently tell them so.

 

 

85. Compare their children to others seeing if others are doing more or better.

 

86. Believe decision-making is for adults.

 

87. Resentful of the success of other children or parents.

 

88. See nature as something to be conquered, overcome.

 

89. Are overwhelmed by feelings, numb them out, and expect children to do the same.

 

 

90. Are unaware that they are at the throttle of their train of thought and accept whatever thought seems to pop into their minds.

 

91. Disrespect, ridicule, and make fun of the other parent in the presence of the children.

 

92. Consider violence and killing entertainment and share that entertainment with children.

 

93. Try to talk kids out of a tantrum mode or enter tantrum mode themselves.

 

 

 

94. Cave in to anger, whining, crying, begging, or sulking and teach children that those strategies are a good way to get what they want.

 

95. Use time out for punishment.

 

96. React to the words, taking them personally, when a child is in tantrum mode.

 

 

97. Lead with condemnation when things don't go well.

 

98. Focus on children's perceived faults.

 

99. Get trapped in a situation and can not see it from other perspectives.

 

100. Are perpetually busy and can not hear.

 

101. Work for solutions and decisions that are exclusive.

5.  Special Event

We want you! Yes, YOU!

 

We want you to learn the Parent Talk verbal skills and teach them to others. Isn't it time you became a PARENT TALK TRAINER and shared this important information with parents in your church, school, or community?

 

We will teach you how.

 

We will give you EVERYTHING you need. Skills, materials, a training manual, research, confidence, ongoing support, encouragement, and more are included.

This training will change your life and the life of your own children and grandchildren, as well as the lives of parents and children in your community.

 

2013 Dates for the Parent Talk System:

 

Training of Trainers

Isn't it time for you now to answer the call and help the parents in your community learn the verbal skills necessary to become an uncommon and successful parent? Parents want to be successful and they want this information. You could be the one to give it to them.

Parent Talk System Facilitator Training: July 17 - 19, 2013

 

Bay Valley Resort & Conf. Ctr.

2470 Old Bridge Road

Bay City, MI 48706

6. Media Schedule

Thomas on television answering viewer questions:

Relationship Matters – Every Monday at 9:15 am on WNEM TV5 Better Mid-Michigan

Family Matters Segment – Every Friday at 12:15 pm on WNEM TV5 News at Noon

Family Matters Segment – Every Saturday at 8:45 am on WNEM TV5

Family Matters Segment – Every Sunday at 7:45 am & 8:45 am on WNEM TV5 Weekend Wake-up

 

To view Dr. Tom's previous Family Matters segments, CLICK HERE.

 

Thomas on the radio answering questions and discussing hot topics:

Every Thursday morning at 7:30 am on CARZ 108FM – Streaming live online www.wcrz.com.

 

Listen to Thomas and Valerie on www.prx.org or listen to past shows at: www.thethomasandvalerieshow.com.

7. Seminar Schedule

May 8 - Manchester, NH.

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

June 3 - Saratoga Springs, NY.

The Teacher Talk Advantage: The Five Voices of Effective Teaching presented by Thomas Haller, 1:00 pm-4:00 pm. SUNY Child Care Pre-Conference For More information contact lisa.kelsey@suny.edu.

 

June 3 - Saratoga Springs, NY.

Keynote: Words that Empower, Words the Wound presented by Thomas Haller, 5:00 pm – 6:00 pm. SUNY Child Care Conference. For More information contact lisa.kelsey@suny.edu.

 

June 4 - Saratoga Springs, NY.

The Teacher Talk Advantage presented by Thomas Haller, 10:00 am-11:30 am. SUNY Child Care Conference Session. For More information contact lisa.kelsey@suny.edu.

 

June 6 - Cancun, Mexico.

Como hablar de sexualidad a los ninnos presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 9:00 am - 1:00 pm. Traduccion Simultanea. Informes y Ventas Alejandro at 998 151.66.01 o Yessica at 998 874.08.92.

 

June 6 - Cancun, Mexico.

Los 10 Compromisos presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Traduccion Simultanea. Informes y Ventas Alejandro at 998 151.66.01 o Yessica at 998 874.08.92.

 

June 7 - Cancun, Mexico.

Transformando la agresion en los ninos presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 9:00 am - 1:00 pm. Traduccion Simultanea. Informes y Ventas Alejandro at 998 151.66.01 o Yessica at 998 874.08.92.

 

June 7 - Cancun, Mexico.

Las 3 estrategias de la disciplina presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Traduccion Simultanea. Informes y Ventas Alejandro at 998 151.66.01 o Yessica at 998 874.08.92.

 

June 8 - Cancun, Mexico.

Poder personal presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 9:00 am - 1:00 pm. Traduccion Simultanea. Informes y Ventas Alejandro at 998 151.66.01 o Yessica at 998 874.08.92.

 

June 8 - Cancun, Mexico.

Lenguaje avanzado para maestros presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 5:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Traduccion Simultanea. Informes y Ventas Alejandro at 998 151.66.01 o Yessica at 998 874.08.92.

 

June 19 - Burlington, WI.

Wellness Class presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am – 4:15 pm. International Graduate School of Education (IGS). For more information contact Deb Engen at 608-213-7862 or email deborahengen@hotmail.com.

 

June 26 - Oregon, WI.

Wellness Class presented by Chick Moorman, 8:30 am – 4:15 pm. International Graduate School of Education (IGS). For more information contact Deb Engen at 608-213-7862 or email deborahengen@hotmail.com.

 

July 17 - 19 - Bay City, MI.

Parent Talk System Facilitator Training presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 8:30 am – 4:30 pm. Bay Valley Resort & Conference Center. For more information call 989-643-5059 or email ipp57@aol.com or thomas@thomashaller.com.

 

July 22 - 24 - Bay City, MI.

Teacher Talk Advantage Facilitator Training presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 8:30 am – 4:30 pm. Bay Valley Resort & Conference Center. For more information call 989-643-5059 or email ipp57@aol.com or thomas@thomashaller.com.

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at:

1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)

e-mail ipp57@aol.com

www.chickmoorman.com

www.twitter.com/chickmoorman

www.facebook.com/chick.moorman

 

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.

Thomas Haller

 

Contact Thomas at:

989-686-5356

e-mail thomas@thomashaller.com

www.thomashaller.com

www.twitter.com/tomhaller

www.facebook.com/thomas.b.haller

 

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.

Links

PERSONAL POWER PRESS

TEACHER TALK ADVANTAGE

CHICK MOORMAN

THOMAS HALLER

UNCOMMON PARENTING

REESE HALLER

PARKER HALLER

DENTAL TALK

HEALING ACRES

THE THOMAS AND VALERIE SHOW

Copyright

Copyright 2013 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

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