Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.
Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: Parenting from the End First
5. Change Your Words
6. Sign Language
7. It's a Fact
"What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself."
Abraham H. Maslow
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
What if the best parenting answer you have today is just being there? Will you be fully present? Will you be content to let that be enough?
Noticed on a white Ford Saturn Outlook in Rochester, MN:
Drivers Carry No Cash
Kids Play Hockey
4. Article: Parenting from the End First
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
"Parenting from the End First" might seem like a curious title for an article from us—particularly since we are fond of suggesting to parents to be in the moment, stay present, and be here now. To our way of thinking, being fully engaged with your child in this moment is not in conflict with parenting from the end first. In fact, we suggest you do both simultaneously. You can indeed focus on this moment with your child while also keeping the end in mind.
So what is the end? Although parenting never ends, because our children are always our children even when they are grown, we define the end of parenting as that moment when children move out and function on their own. Maybe they move into a dorm, get their own apartment, or join the service. Maybe they get married, join the workforce, or run away from home. For some children, it happens at age 18. Others wait until they are 25 or older. Regardless of when it happens, the goal is to have children grow up, become increasingly mature, be able to handle things on their own, and eventually move away from home.
A happy ending would include having raised a young adult who is self-disciplined, self-sufficient, self-motivated, and self-responsible when he or she ventures out into the world alone. We know of no parent whose goal is to raise a 30-year-old video game player who lies around the house all day eating leftover pizza and drinking warm Diet Pepsi. Most parents want a young adult who goes off self-confidently and enthusiastically with verbal and other skills that enable him or her to work well with others as well as independently.
So what are we to do if we want to parent in this moment with the end in mind? Here are some suggestions.
- Give children continuing choices beginning at an early age. "We are having juice for breakfast. You can choose the pink cup or the blue one." "We are shopping for warm clothes. You can choose the sweatshirt with the hood or a light jacket."
- Do not do for them what they can do for themselves. Teach them how to tie their shoes, zip their coats, set goals, monitor their allowance, and speak up for themselves. Overfunctioning is counterproductive if self-sufficiency is your goal.
- Allow them to learn from mistakes. Do not intervene unless the issue at hand is health or safety related. Let them make a poor choice, learn from it, and move on. Little mistakes now are better than big mistakes later. View mistakes as learning opportunities. Teach your children to do the same.
- Debrief regularly. Children do not always learn from their experience. The real learning comes from processing their experience. "How can you use that information next time?" "What do you think the real lesson is here?" "What would you do differently next time?"
- Do not save, rescue, bail them out, or give your children one more chance. Allow them to experience the legitimate, related, reasonable consequences of their choices and behaviors. Allowing children to come face-to-face with outcomes they created is one of the most loving things you can do as a parent. Do it with an open heart. It is an important gift you give your children.
- Teach your children HOW to think rather than WHAT to think. You have no idea what problems they will face twenty years from now. Nor do you have any idea what the solutions are. When you teach them WHAT to think today, you rob them of their ability to think now and in the future.
- Unless it is a safety issue, refuse to parent for obedience. Having obedient children might appear to work well for you when your children are little. When they get older, however, many children become obedient to the peer group.
- Teach your children to listen to their inner voice. "Check it out inside, Sammy." "What does your intuition tell you, Fatima?" "If you had a wise part within, what would it be saying to you right now, Roberto?" Having a strong inner voice built on personal morals and ideals leads to integrity and greater resistance to peer pressure.
- Teach your children a feelings vocabulary. Help the little ones learn about mad, sad, glad and scared. As you honor their feelings with attention and empathy, you will be increasing their emotional intelligence. You will also be insuring that they will be better able to recognize, express, and manage their feelings in appropriate ways as they get older and their feelings vocabulary increases.
- Do not expect or insist on immediate behavior change. Watch for and celebrate successful steps in the right direction. Inch by inch is how children grow. Enjoy it.
Using your present parenting moments to do what is fast, easy, and comfortable for the adult is losing sight of parenting from the end first. With an eye on the future, invest the time in each current moment to build the foundation and path toward competent adulthood for your children.
Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free Uncommon Parenting blog. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.uncommon-parenting.com.
The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents
by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
Learn how to deal effectively with whining, backtalk, pouting, teasing, ignoring, procrastinating, lying, swearing, and other inappropriate behaviors.
This useful book delivers three practical, skill-based, amazingly simple verbal discipline strategies that will work with your children, from tots to teens!
1. Change "but" to "and".
"I like your book report, BUT the ending needs work." "But" creates separation, driving a verbal wedge between two parts of a sentence. It negates the positive that came before and focuses the child’s attention on the negative ending.
"I like your book report, AND the ending needs work." "And" is a joiner, connecting seemingly different parts of a sentence. It combines ideas rather than separates them. It pushes ideas together rather than pulls them apart. It helps the child see the whole picture rather than concentrating on one limiting component.
2. Change the words "I", "me", and "my" to "us", "we", and "our."
It's not my home. It's our home.
It's not my problem. It is our family problem.
We go on vacation.
It is our family tradition.
It affects more than just me. It affects us as a group.
Using the words "us", "we", and "our" builds connection. Use them frequently to help build the "our family" feeling.
Copyright 2014 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.
The Language of Response-Able Parenting
Featuring Chick Moorman
This 5-CD series gives a strong overview of the Parent Talk System. It includes ideas on how to develop controlled choice for children, how to praise to create a strong internal sense of self-esteem, and how to stamp out learned helplessness. Learn skills necessary to manage negative behaviors, communicate anger without wounding the spirit, and help your children develop a solution-seeking attitude. Practical verbal strategies that work!
With Chick Moorman or Thomas Haller
The first 10 new parent programs scheduled for 2014 will receive FREE books for the first 20 families that show up. You can choose from one of the following valuable parenting publications: The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need or Parent Talk Essentials.
If you want to be one of the first 10, call now.
Thomas Haller 989-239-8628
Chick Moorman 989-205-8045
Choose from one of the following parent programs.
Practical two-hour sessions that parents can put to use immediately include:
- The Only 3 Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need
- Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound
- Good Praise/Bad Praise
- How to Make Your Child Do Homework without Having a Nervous Breakdown Yourself
- How to Talk to Your Children about Sex
- The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose
- Transforming Aggression in Children
Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.
Yes, we both Twitter.
Chick Moorman is now on Twitter. To sign up for Parent Talk Tips, timely questions, short but raging rants, bursts of inspiration, and random thoughts on parenting and teaching, follow the link. Why not be the first on your block to initiate regular contact? http://twitter.com/ChickMoorman
Feb. 14 - Alton, MO.
Respect and Responsibility: Practical Strategies for Helping Students Become More Respectful and More Responsible (K-12) presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Alton R-IV School District. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
March 6 - Brighton, MI.
Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 6:30 pm - 9:00 pm. Maple Tree Montessori. For more information contact Sue Cherry at 810-599-3326 or email email@example.com.
March 14 - Ten Sleep, WY.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 3:30 pm. Washakie County School District #2. For more information contact Neysha Lyman at 307-366-2233 Ext. 102 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
March 17 - Rochester, MI.
10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose presented by Chick Moorman, 7:00 pm - 9:00 pm. Crittenton Hospital Medical Center. For more information contact Angela DelPup at 248-652-5174 or email email@example.com.
March 25 - Lathrop, CA.
Motivating the Unmotivated by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
Thomas on television answering viewer questions:
Relationship Matters – Every Monday at 9:15 am on WNEM TV5 Better Mid-Michigan
Family Matters with Thomas Haller
Fridays at noon, Saturdays at 8:45 am, Sundays at 7:45 am and 8:45 am on WNEM TV5. Also streaming live at: www.wnem.com
To view Dr. Tom's previous Family Matters
segments, CLICK HERE
Thomas on the radio answering questions and discussing hot topics:
Every Thursday morning at 7:30 am on CARZ 108FM – Streaming live online www.wcrz.com