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Parent Newsletter #131
March 1, 2015
Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.
Mission Statement
Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.
In This Issue
1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article - Responding to WHY: The Do's and Don'ts
5. Parent Talk Tips
6. Poster Perspective
7. Chick's Birthday Celebration
1. Quote
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person. He believed in me."
 
Jim Valvano 
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
For today, do not focus on what your child is doing. Focus instead on how you are being in relationship to that.
3. Bumper Sticker
Spotted on a Toyota Camry in Glendale, AZ:
 
My Child Doesn't Need Validation
From A Bumper Sticker
4. Responding to WHY: The Do's and Don'ts
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
 
"Why can't I have another cookie?"
"Why do I have to go to bed?"
"Why can’t Roberto come over?"
 
Toddlers learn the "why" question early and repeat it often. Teenagers use it regularly. No matter what ages your children are, you will hear this question frequently.
 
If you have children, you have heard WHY used in a variety of situations covering a plethora of circumstances. Sometimes it is a stalling tactic. Other times it is a way to get attention. It can be used as a protest. More than occasionally it is used to activate a power struggle. Still other times children are honestly looking to gather information. They want an answer.
 
So what is a parent to do? What is an emotionally healthy way to respond when your child asks, "Why?" Following are eleven do's and don'ts to help you navigate the often rough waters of responding to a persistent WHY. 
  1. Do answer their question. The human brain searches for answers. It wants to know why. Ask, "Would you really like to hear some answers?" If they say yes, tell them the reasons why staying up past their routine bedtime is not healthy. Remind them of the negative outcomes that occurred (grouchiness and irritability) when they stayed up later on their birthday. Let them know that the last time Roberto came over the mess was not cleaned up and several arguments ensued. 
  1. If you do give a reason, wrap it in healthy limits. Bedtimes, eating snacks, TV time, computer access, car keys, and other issues are best framed in healthy limits. A 7:30 bedtime is not the rule. It is a healthy limit. One hour of screen time is not the rule. It, too, is a healthy limit. Children love to break rules and argue about them. They are more likely to accept healthy limits and the reasons for them. 
  1. If your child has a history of arguing after you give a reason, ask, "Do you want to know the reason so you will know the reason, or do you want to know the reason so you can argue with me?" If they say they only want to know the reason and accept the reason as the reason, fine. If they hear the reason and begin to argue with you, say, "You are using the reason to argue. That doesn't work with me and encourages me to be less forthcoming with reasons in the future because I'm less likely to trust your words. What works here is to hear the reason and realize this one is a parental decision." 
  1. Do grant in fantasy what you won't grant in reality. When your toddler asks why he can’t stay up longer, grant his wish in fantasy. Say, "You wish you could stay up a lot later. Oh, that would be fun." (Granting the wish in fantasy.) "When you are a few years older, that might happen. And right now seven-thirty is bedtime." ( Reality) When your teen says, "Everyone else gets to go. Why can't I?" say, "Going to the concert and staying out until past midnight sounds like a lot of fun. You wish you could do everything all your friends do without any limits. Wouldn't that be nice?" (Grants the wish in fantasy.) "There will come a day. This weekend is not that time yet." (Reality) 
  1. Do not say, "Because I said so, that's why." We have a name for that type of response. It's called being a bully. It’s a big me/little you stance. It tells your children, "I have power and you don't. I'm big and you're not." 
  1. Do be the adult in the room. Whether responding to a teen or a toddler, it is imperative that you act and speak like a mature adult. That means using a serious and moderate tone and volume. Park anger and loud or intimidating responses in a vacant field. Leave them there. Adult responses are what is required now. 
  1. Do respond to your children's feelings rather than their words. When your teen yells, "You're not fair. Why can't Alysha come over?" respond to the feeling behind the words. Say, "You must really be angry to sound so loud." When your toddler says, "I don't want to go. Why do I have to?" let your words speak to the feeling behind his words. "You're feeling angry about our trip to Grandpa's." 
  1. If you hear yourself saying, "This is the last time I'm going to tell you the reason," you have already given the reason too many times. When you catch yourself saying that, let it be the last time. Stick to it. 
  1. Do not cave. If you cave, you have just informed your child, "If you ask me why a gazillion times, I might change my mind." If this occurs, your child is not the problem. You are. 
  1. Do not get drawn into a debate contest. Your children are probably smarter than you are. They will win. Often they win by outlasting you. 
  1. When you say, "OK, just this one time," pat your child on the back. She just won. 
Reasoning doesn't work. "You'll be too full for dinner." "You'll be too tired in the morning." "You'll get behind in your schoolwork." "You'll break it the first day." You know the response your child will make. You've heard it many times before. Haven't we all? "No, I won't."
 
Maybe you think you can convince your child to see it your way. Maybe you believe he or she will come around to believing you're right. Maybe your incredible gift of logic will cut down on complaints, arguing, and a barrage of excuses. Probably not. 
 
If you're wondering why, reread the material above.
 
 
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The Abracadabra Effect: The 13 Verbally Transmitted Diseases and How to Cure Them. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish free Parent and Educator Newsletters. To subscribe to the newsletters or obtain information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today: www.thomashaller.com or www.chickmoorman.com
5.  Parent Talk Tips
Parent Talk Tip #124
If a child does not want to share, it is NOT sharing. It is forced turn-taking. How about we insist you share your new car with a coworker?
 
Parent Talk Tip #187
If children learn to do as they are told without thinking, they become adults who do as they are told without thinking. Enough of that.
 
Parent Talk Tip #446
"Now what?" is a helpful question to refocus children on the NOW and help them face toward solutions or plans.
 
Want more?
 
The Parent Talk Tip Collection: 730 Practical Verbal Skills to Help You Raise Responsible, Caring, Conscious Children By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller eBook - $7.95
 
6. Poster Perspective
 
7.  Chick's Birthday Celebration
It's Chick's birthday and he'll party if he wants to.
 
 
Beginning on March 20, Chick's birthday, all Personal Power Press books will be on sale at 50% off.
 
All parenting books, 50% off.
 
All educator books, 50% off.
 
All children's books, 50% off.
 
The Abracadabra Effect, 50% off.
 
Each and every book, 50% off.
 
This offer is good from March 20 through March 31.
 
 
Happy birthday, Chick!
Chick Moorman
 
Contact Chick at:
 
1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)
 
 
Thomas Haller
 
Contact Thomas at:
 
989-686-5356
 
 
Copyright
Copyright 2015 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.
 
New Websites
Have you seen the new website for The Abracadabra Effect?
 
 
 
The Spirit Whisperers Sanctuary A new website for teachers and parents
 
 
Facebook/Twitter
Facebook
 
Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list. Please send us a friend request that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.
 

New on Facebook -- Spirit Whisperer Oasis.
 
An oasis for educators and parents who desire more support, encouragement and affirmation for what they do to teach to a child's spirit. Check it out on Facebook and be sure to hover over the LIKE section so you can click SEND NOTIFICATIONS to insure you get all the new postings. 
 
 
Newer on Facebook ---The Abracadabra Effect
 
The Abracadabra Effect: The 13 Verbally Transmitted Diseases and How to Cure Them contains the information and prescriptions necessary to eliminate dis-ease from your life. Begin today to increase your personal power and self-responsibility. Model healthy speaking, thinking, believing, and living to your family and coworkers.
 
Offer for Arizona Parents
An Extraordinary Opportunity to Make a Difference
 
 ♦ Jump-start your passion.
 
 ♦ Get in sync with your mission.
 
 ♦ Pursue your purpose.
 
 ♦ Make an impact.
 
Wouldn't you like it...?
 
• Wouldn't you like it if more parents learned to speak in words that nurture, uplift, and inspire? You can help them learn.
 
• Wouldn't you like it if more parents learned to set appropriate limits and make controlled choice work for them? You could teach them.
 
• Wouldn't you like it if more parents learned to use language that promotes independence while reducing learned helplessness? You could teach them.
 
• Wouldn't you like it if more parents learned to hold children accountable for their actions without attacking their spirit or personality? You can be the one to deliver those skills to them.
 
• Wouldn't you like it if more parents learned to add to their tool box of parenting skills so they and their children could become more Response-Able?
 
• Wouldn't you like it if more parents learned to praise in ways that help children develop a strong internal sense of self-esteem? They could learn that from you.
You know what comes next.
 
You know what comes next.
 
Why not you?
 
The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training - July 16 - 18, 2015
 
Bay Valley Resort & Conference Center
2470 Old Bridge Road
Bay City, Michigan 48706
Seminar Schedule
March 12 - Brighton, MI.
Dimensions of Discipline presented by Chick Moorman, 6:30 pm - 9:00 pm. Maple Tree Montessori Academy. For more information contact Sue Cherry at info@mapletreemontessori.com.
 
March 15 - Chelsea, MI.
Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 3:00 pm - 6:30 pm. Chelsea First United Methodist Church. For more information contact Courtney Aldrich at caldrich@chelseaumc.org.
 
March 20 - Troy, MI.
Dealing with At-Risk Students presented by Chick Moorman, 9:00 am - 11:30 am. Oakland University Charters, MSU Management Education Center. For more information contact Shawna Boomgaard at 248-370-4191 or email boomgaar@oakland.edu.
 
April 20 - Albany, NJ.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
April 21 - Manchester, NH.
Motivating the Unmotivated, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
April 22 - Boston, MA.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
April 23 - Chicago South, IL.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
April 24 - Chicago North, IL.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
May 8 - Rochester, MI.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.
 
May 16 - Mt. Pleasant, MI.
The Heart to Shape a Mind presented by Thomas Haller, 8:00 am - 3:00 pm, Mid Michigan Community College, Mt. Pleasant Campus. For more information contact Marni Taylor at 989-433-2962 x 320 or email mtaylor@giresd.netClick here for the flyer.
 
Media Schedule
 
Thomas on television answering viewer questions:
 
Relationship Matters – Every Monday at 9:15 am on WNEM TV5 Better Mid-Michigan
 
Family Matters with Thomas Haller Fridays at noon, Saturdays at 8:45 am, Sundays at   7:45 am and 8:45 am on WNEM TV5. Also streaming live at: www.wnem.com.
 
To view Dr. Tom's previous Family Matters segments, CLICK HERE.
 
Thomas on the radio answering questions and discussing hot topics:
 
Every Thursday morning at 7:30 am on CARZ 108FM – Streaming live online www.wcrz.com.
 
Listen to Thomas on The Thomas and Valerie Show on www.prx.org or on www.thethomasandvalerieshow.com.
Links
Personal Power Press • P.O. Box 547 • Merrill • MI • 48637
http://www.personalpowerpress.com
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