Loving our children and our students requires that we first take care of ourselves in loving, unselfish ways. That's the First Rule of Love and Logic!
Too frequently, we are led to believe that "good parents" and "good educators" should sacrifice their own needs to serve their children. While this sounds sweet and ever so politically correct, trying to accomplish it leaves our love-reserves depleted:
When our bucket is empty, we have nothing to give.
Love and Logic is not about being narcissistic or selfish, it's about giving kids the gift of patient, encouraging, relaxed, and enthusiastic role models. Listed below are a few quick reminders:
Focus on what you can control.
A sure recipe for disaster involves trying to make kids happy, attempting to make them be good students, trying to make them get enough sleep, ensuring that they pick the right friends, etc.
What we do have control over is what we model, the types of limits we set, and how we respond when these limits are tested.
Set limits to avoid becoming a doormat.
Effective people set limits by describing how they will take care of themselves…not what others should do. For example:
I do the extra things I do around here when I feel respected.
I listen to students when their voices sound calm like mine.
I _______ when I don't have to hear complaining or arguing.
Provide discipline when it's convenient for you…not for the kids.
Avoid falling into the trap of trying to solve problems or provide immediate consequences. Take care of yourself by taking time and handling the problem when you have the time, energy, and support you need.
One teacher stated: "Love and Logic really works well when I remember to use it." Living these skills requires constant repetition and practice. I even find myself slipping when I've taken too long a break from learning.
Plan your summer vacation around our annual Love and Logic Summer Retreat. Enjoy three days of inspiring presentations, amazing mountain recreation, and some of the most awesome scenery on earth. We guarantee that you’ll leave refreshed and ready to enjoy your kids!
Thanks for reading! Our goal is to help as many families as possible. If this is a benefit, forward it to a friend.
Dr. Charles Fay