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Parent Newsletter #136
October 16, 2015
Welcome! This is a free parent newsletter offered to you by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller.
Mission Statement
Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.
In This Issue
1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. 5 Lies to Stop Telling Your Kids
5. "Who do you want to be?"
1. Quote
"Treat a child as though he is already the person he is capable of becoming.”
 
∼ Haim Ginott
 
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
What event is calling you today to be bigger than you have ever been before? Can you expand your vision of yourself to rise to meet this occasion? Who is in charge of how big you are anyway?
3. Bumper Sticker
Spotted on a blue Nissan Sentra in Crestwood, IL:
 
Childhood Is a Journey
Not a Race
4.  5 Lies to Stop Telling Your Kids
 
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller
 
Do you tell your children lies? Every parent does. Your parents did it. Your friends do. We did. And you do. Yes, you do. And if you don’t want to admit it, that’s OK. We still know you do.
 
Lying to your children does not make you a bad parent. It makes you someone who lacks the desire or the verbal skills necessary to give honest and clear feedback (telling the truth).
 
Lying to your children does not make you lazy. It makes you someone who is in a hurry or is unwilling to invest the time necessary to craft honest answers and deal with the resulting fallout.
 
Lying to your children does not make you dumb. It makes you someone who doesn't know an honest answer or one who isn't able to find the words to express honest thoughts to your child.
 
1.  "Your picture is fantastic!"
 
No, it is not fantastic. You're not even sure what it is. How could it be fantastic? Tell the truth by dropping the evaluative comment. Use descriptive and appreciative language instead.
 
We're not asking you to tell your child their picture is terrible. That's not true either. That is only your interpretation, your evaluation. You do not have to evaluate the picture. Simply describe it. "You used four different colors. You filled the whole page."  Or make an appreciative comment. "I'm honored that you would share this with me. Thank you for showing it to me."
 
2. "We're all out of ice cream."
 
No, you're not. The ice cream is cleverly hidden in the back of the freezer out of your children's sight and reach. You'll be hauling it out, spooning it up, and pouring chocolate sauce on it as soon as they go to bed. The truth is you tell a lie so you don’t have to deal with whining or repetitious cries of "It's not fair."
 
We aren't suggesting that you inform your children of your plan to polish off the remaining butter pecan and dispense with the evidence as soon as their heads hit the pillow. We are suggesting that you not tell them "It's all gone" when it obviously is not all gone. Say instead, "Yes, you can have more ice cream. You can choose to have yours as a snack right after you get home from daycare (or school) or following dinner tomorrow. Tell me your choice and I'll help you remember. Now it's tooth brushing time."
 
3.  "It's a tie."
 
Not true. You won, even though you were making some bad moves on purpose. You know you're bigger and stronger. You realize they are smaller and weaker. So you lie about winning and losing so they won't feel bad. After all, you don't want to crush their spirit.
 
Here is how to stop lying about winning and losing to young children. Stop playing inappropriate competitive games with small children. Choose games that foster cooperation and helping each other. De-emphasize the concepts of first and best. Concentrate on getting everyone across the finish line. Change the rules if necessary. Play for the sake of playing. Refuse to keep score. Do that and there is no more need to dishonestly say, "It's a tie."
 
4.  "I don't know where my phone/iPad is."
 
Yes, you do. You don't let it out of your sight for two minutes. The truth is you want to play with it so you respond to "Can I play with your phone?" by telling your child that it's dead or you don't know where it is. There are two people who are not fooled by your response. You are one of them. The other one is a lot younger.
 
Tell your child, "I hear you'd love to play with my phone [demonstrating understanding]. That would be fun for you. It would really be fun if you could use it for a long time. You'd really like that [granting their wish in fantasy]. Sorry, my phone is not a toy [not for little kids anyway]. It’s a very important adult object and one that I only use myself. Here are some choices of what you can play with."
 
5.  "Better stop that. Santa's elves might see you and report to him. He won't come if you don't behave."
 
This warning threatens children with a possible loss of Christmas gifts if they don’t behave. It is an effort to manipulate their behavior with a scare tactic.
 
Does it work? Yes. The important question here is not "Does it work?" Ask yourself, "Does it work and model honest and open communication?" The answer is now "No."
 
Instead, tell your children the behavior you desire. Have them practice it. Demonstrate it if necessary. Debrief. Does that take more time? Yes. Is it more valuable? Yes.
 
6.  "We were . . . ummm . . . sort of . . . pretend wrestling. That's it. Your mom and I were pretend wrestling."
 
Tune in next month to read our alternative to this interesting lie. Yes, there is an honest and helpful response to getting caught in the act. In the meantime, lock your door. No lie.
 
Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of Parent Talk Essentials: How to Talk to Kids about Divorce, Sex, Money, School and Being Responsible in Today’s World. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish free parent and educator newsletters. To subscribe to the newsletters or obtain information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today:
 
5. "Who do you want to be?"

We do not ask our children this question as it relates to potential career choices, job opportunities, or occupational preferences. Rather, it is a question about values: we ask our children who they want to be in relation to the events and circumstances that surround them. Asking this question of our children helps them stay awake in terms of the decisions they make. It invites them to think seriously about who they are choosing to be.
 
If your son wonders what to do regarding another child who is getting picked on at school, ask him, "Who do you want to be in this situation?"
 
If your daughter found some money and she’s unsure what to do with it, ask her, "Who is it that you want to be here?"
 
Once we decide who we want to be, decisions about what to do are easier to make. Help your children focus on who they want to be before they decide what they want to do in a given situation.
 

 
Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language that Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility, by Chick Moorman, is available through Personal Power Press at www.personalpowerpress.com
 
Chick Moorman
 
Contact Chick at:
 
1-877-360-1477 (toll-free)
e-mail ipp57@aol.com
www.chickmoorman.com
www.twitter.com/chickmoorman
www.facebook.com/chick.moorman
 
CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.
 
Thomas Haller
 
Contact Thomas at:
 
989-686-5356
e-mail thomas@thomashaller.com
www.thomashaller.com
www.twitter.com/tomhaller
www.facebook.com/thomas.b.haller
 
CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.
 
Copyright
Copyright 2015 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.
 
The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training Via SKYPE
For those of you who live in distant places or find you are unable to travel to Michigan for our once-a-year training, check out the one-on-one SKYPE training with Chick Moorman.
 
CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION.
Book of the Month
 
Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children
 
By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman
 
Hardcover, 200 pages - $24.95 $18.70 
 
Maybe you haven’t heard about it, read about it, or figured it out yet, but there is a powerful principle at work in your parenting life. The Attraction Principle is helping you create your own family reality. Now, with this exciting book, you can teach the Attraction Principle to your children.
 
Practical, Comprehensive Websites
1.  The Abracadabra Effect
 
For adding personal empowerment skills to your life and the lives of significant others.
 
 
2.  The Spirit Whisperers Sanctuary
 
A new website for teachers and parents.
 
 
New on Facebook
Both Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman have joined Facebook. We would both welcome an opportunity to be added to your friends list on our personal sites. Please send us friend requests at Thomas B. Haller and Chick Moorman that tells us you are a Parent Newsletter subscriber so we can recognize how we know you.
 
More on Facebook
 
Spirit Whisperer Oasis
 
An oasis for educators and parents who desire more support, encouragement and affirmation for what they do to teach to a child's spirit. Check it out on Facebook and be sure to hover over the LIKE section so you can click SEND NOTIFICATIONS to insure you get all the new postings.
 
www.facebook.com/Spiritwhispereroasis
 
 
The Abracadabra Effect
 
The Abracadabra Effect: The 13 Verbally Transmitted Diseases and How to Cure Them contains the information and prescriptions necessary to eliminate dis-ease from your life. Begin today to increase your personal power and self-responsibility. Model healthy speaking, thinking, believing, and living to your family and coworkers.
 
www.facebook.com/pages/The-Abracadabra-Effect/1481907655386315
Seminar Schedule
Oct. 18 - Chelsea, MI
Healthy Discipline Techniques for Parents and Grandparents presented by Thomas Haller, 3:00 pm - 5:00 pm, Washington Street Education Center. For more information contact Courtney Aldrich at
caldrich@chelseaumc.org.

Oct. 22 - Kalamazoo, MI
Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, 9:30 am - 11:30 am. Kalamazoo Public Schools Parent Group and SoWeMi. For information contact Deb Barber at
dbarber@dowagiacschools.org.

Nov. 4 - Burlington, VT
Helping Students Move from "I Can't" and "I Won't" to "I Can" and "I Will" presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Nov. 5 - Manchester, NH
Helping Students Move from "I Can't" and "I Won't" to "I Can" and "I Will" presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Nov. 6 - Portland, ME
Helping Students Move from "I Can't" and "I Won't" to "I Can" and "I Will" presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Nov. 12 - Anaheim, CA
Helping Students Move from "I Can't" and "I Won't" to "I Can" and "I Will" presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Nov. 13 - Pasadena, CA
Helping Students Move from "I Can't" and "I Won't" to "I Can" and "I Will" presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Nov. 30 - Syracuse, NY
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Dec. 1 - Chicago South, IL
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Dec. 2 - Chicago North, IL
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Dec. 3 - St. Louis, MO
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.

Dec. 4 - Denver, CO
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am - 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
www.ber.org.
Media Schedule
 
Thomas on television answering viewer questions:
 
Relationship Matters – Every Monday at 9:15 am on WNEM TV5 Better Mid-Michigan
 
Family Matters with Thomas Haller Fridays at noon, Saturdays at 8:45 am, Sundays at   7:45 am and 8:45 am on WNEM TV5. Also streaming live at: www.wnem.com.
 
To view Dr. Tom's previous Family Matters segments, CLICK HERE.
 
Thomas on the radio answering questions and discussing hot topics:
 
Every Thursday morning at 7:30 am on CARZ 108FM – Streaming live online www.wcrz.com.
 
Listen to Thomas on The Thomas and Valerie Show on www.prx.org or on www.thethomasandvalerieshow.com.
Links
CHICK MOORMAN
THOMAS HALLER
PERSONAL POWER PRESS
TEACHER TALK ADVANTAGE
SPIRIT WHISPERER SANCTUARY
THE ABRACADABRA EFFECT
REESE HALLER
PARKER HALLER
DENTAL TALK
THE THOMAS AND VALERIE SHOW
Personal Power Press • P.O. Box 547 • Merrill • MI • 48637
http://www.personalpowerpress.com
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