3 Lies to Stop Telling Your Kids
By Thomas Haller
|Do you lie to your children? Many parents do and don’t even realize it. Some parents just want the begging to stop or they don't want to tell their children the truth so they lie to their kids. They know they're lying but shrug it off as "a-little-white-lie" that really isn't hurting anything. Let's explore 3 common lies parents have been known to tell their kids.|
1. "Your Picture is fantastic!"
Is it really, fantastic or are you just saying so because you’re not even sure what it is? Tell the truth by dropping the evaluative comment. I'm not asking you to tell your child their picture is terrible. That's not true either. That is only your interpretation, your evaluation. You do not have to evaluate the picture. Simply describe it. "You used four different colors. You filled the whole page." Or make an appreciative comment, "I'm honored that you would share this with me. Thank you for showing it to me."
2. "Keep talking. I can listen while I do this."
No, you can't multitask. You can half listen at best which means your child is not receiving your full attention. Do you want your child to keep playing the video game while you give them important instructions? No. You want their full attention. Model that for them.
If what you are doing is really important, tell them, "I'm really busy right now with this important task. You are important to me too. I want to listen to you and this is not a time when I can give you the full attention you deserve. Unless this is an emergency let's find a better time."
3. "The battery on my phone is running low."
If the battery on your phone is actually low then you can say this. But, this is also one of those lies parents use when they want to end their child’s begging, "Can I play with your phone?"
Consider telling the truth, "I hear you'd love to play with my phone (demonstrating understanding). That would be fun for you. It would really be fun if you could use it for a long time. You'd really like that (granting their wish in fantasy). Sometimes I let you play with my phone. Sometimes I don’t. This is one of those times when I’m not going to let you (current reality). Continuing to ask me will not change my decision."
Another option is to create clear boundaries before the question surfaces. Create a phone free zone or a phone free time and set reasonable limits on screen time.
It's time to replace the "little-white-lie" with the truth. Acquire the verbal skills necessary to give your children clear feedback. Invest the time necessary to craft honest answers that express honest thoughts and feelings to your child and deal with the resulting fallout.
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|A message to convey to our children:|
"I'm not upset that you lied to me; I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you."
When your Teen Lies – Video Clip
When your Child Lies – Video Clip
Sneak Peek inside New Book
By Thomas Haller DISSOLVING TOXIC MASCULINITY
9 Lessons for Raising Boys to Become Empathetic, Compassionate Men
An excerpt from the introduction:|
It is time for this narrowly defined view of masculinity to come to an end. It is time to realize that the potential for men to be empathetic and compassionate lies not in bravado and swagger but in our diversity. It is time to celebrate and honor differences and embrace opposing points of view.
Of most importance, it is time to pass on to our children the value of accepting the differences of others and embracing diversity. In our own families we can teach our children how to work together, understand different points of view, and recognize the potential inherent in diversity. We can teach our boys to embrace an attitude of compassion, empathy, kindness, and respect for women. And we don’t have to wait for congressional approval to do it. We can begin today without the acceptance or example of our elected leaders. We can succeed at raising our boys to be emotionally healthy masculine men by beginning at home.
Pre-Publication offer coming soon