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Bringing Dating Back: The Transcendent Quality of Intentional Intimacy
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Where and when did the ritual of dating begin? Is it time to bring dating back?
Each morning, just before dawn, Tantric adepts in every Tantra temple in the world present five specific offerings to the deity. First, sandalwood powder is smoothed on the deity’s forehead and feet. Then, a mantra is sung while flowers, gathered from the temple gardens, are offered. Fragrant incense is lit, oil lamps illuminate the deity’s face, and sweets, dripping with honey and ghee, touch the deity’s lips. Sandalwood, mantra, incense, lamps and sweets, the Pancha Upacāras, a Sanskrit phrase that means, “five moments of access”. Five offerings purposefully chosen to awaken the five senses, allowing the devotee “five moments of access” to an elevated experience of the world.
Simple rituals such as this compose a twilight language that is rich in meaning and significance. Esoteric practices are known to reveal the extraordinary within the ordinary through simple means. While it may seem as if the Pancha Upacāras are offered to awaken the deity from her slumber, it is the adept who’s senses are awakened, triggering a heightened state of consciousness - revealing the sublime within the mundane. Much the way one would greet an honored guest in their home, the deity is welcomed into the temple each morning, and the devotee catches a glimpse of the divine - within.
Perhaps owing to the romantic nature of the human heart, or the longing each of us has to touch the ineffable quality of love, the Pancha Upacāras, a ritual enacted since the beginning of time, eventually found its way into every corner of the world. These five offerings are the roots of hospitality and compose the traditional elements of successful dating.
In the chilly pre-dawn mist, the Tantric deity becomes more beautiful with each flower-laden moment. Beauty that exists because it is seen. Beauty seen because it is invited and welcomed, because it has already been awakened within the one who extends the invitation. Just as a tree that falls without a witness cannot make a sound, beauty, though it is certainly there, cannot be experienced without the observer. We create the beauty we see in the world and each other through our endeavor, in this case by awakening the five senses, to see it. Dating and hospitality were originally meant to deepen our connection with those we revere, without expectation or goal. To bring out the best in us all. To reveal the transcendent quality that exists in every relationship.
Not so very long ago dating meant affection, flowers and chocolates. Candlelight, serenades and perfume. The very same offerings that compose the Pancha Upacāras. Today, dating has been reduced to “hanging out” and online chat rooms. Devotion seems to have gone by the wayside and the transcendent quality we all long for in dating to has all but disappeared.
Is it time to bring dating back? If so, what would that look like?
It’s time to bring dating back and here’s how. The Pancha Upacāras uplift the senses, open the heart and create loving connection. These five steps, created from the origins of love, thousands and thousands of years ago, bring the magic back.
1st . Sandalwood . Gandha . Touch
The ancient Tantra practitioners knew the importance of focused attention as a catalyst for transcendent experiences of all kinds. Once you’ve established you’re attracted, the next step is to turn your attention toward the one you’re attracted to. That might be the person you see every morning at the coffee shop - or the person sitting right across from you at breakfast if you’re married. Look up. Take in this glorious human. Touch with your attention.
2nd . Flowers & Mantras . Pushpa . Hearing
Do you have time for dating? Very few people do. Whether you’re single, in a relationship, or married for years, relationships, evening budding ones, need time. Set aside time. Make a point to say the name of your date now and then when you’re speaking to them. Everyone’s name is their personal mantra, music to their ears. Bring flowers.
3rd . Incense & Perfume . Dhoopa . Smell
Does your date love coffee? Flowers? Spices? Create a date that’s a mystical journey of the senses, focusing on the sense of smell. Visit a coffee importer, a flower market, an exotic spice shop. Fragrance is the most powerful bonding memory of all.
4th . Oil Lamps & Candle Light . Deepa . Sight
The easiest step of all - make sure there’s candlelight. The soft glow of candlelight brings out the beauty in everyone - and has the power to open the heart.
5th . Sweets & Chocolates . Naivedya . Taste
Hand-selected chocolates or macaroons entice the senses and ignite feelings of attraction and desire whether your date is a woman or man. Sweets nourish the spirit and elevate the experience of love.
Dawn Cartwright is a NeoTantra visionary, sacred writer, world traveler, and innovator in the fusion of Love and Sex.
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Chandra Bindu Tantra Institute
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www.chandrabindutantrainstitute.com
310.592.1293
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