www.chickmoorman.com --- www.thomashaller.com January 20, 2006
The Response-Able Parent Newsletter #49

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.


1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. How Parental Advice Has Changed
5. Article: What if You Saw?
6. Product Report
7. We Get E-mail
8. Schedule of Events

1. Quote

"I want him to stay with me until I can be sure that he won't turn into Norman Nothing. I want to be sure he'll know when he is chickening out on himself. I want him to get to know exactly the special thing he is or else he won't notice it when it starts to go. I want him to stay awake and know who the phonies are. I want him to know how to holler and put up an argument. I want him to show some guts before I can let him go. I want to be sure he sees all the wild possibilities. I want him to be sure it is worth all the trouble just to give the world a little nudge when you get the chance. And I want him to know the subtle, sneaky reason he was born a human being and not a chair.

---Herb Gardner
A Thousand Clowns

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Is it possible to let go of a judgment today? What if you let go of two judgments? Could you play with letting go of all judgments today? Could you begin by not judging this Spirit Whisperer contemplation?

3. Bumper Sticker

Seen on a silver Pontiac Grand Prix in Lexington, KY:

My kid sells term papers
to your honor student.

4. How Parental Advice Has Changed

From Nursery World comes information on childcare advice that was once accepted wisdom and printed in advice columns in the magazine. Obviously, Nursery World would never advocate the advice that was once given many years ago. Consider this advice?

If your toddler is a fussy eater, starve him for 24 hours and he will soon eat anything. (1926)

If your baby won't sleep through the night, smack her until she stops crying. (1936)

To reduce a child's allergies, cover feather pillows with polythene bags of a suitable size. (1965)

To stop ugly mouth breathing, which is a cause of nose, throat and chest trouble, tell the child to place it's finger firmly along one side of it's nose to close the nostril and to take three short sharp breaths through the unclosed one. (1926To gain a place in a sought-after nursery, tell them you're frightened you'll start hitting your kids. (1986)

Into the Future

This information sparks our interest and invites us to consider exactly which childcare advice being given today will seem bizarre in 2050. We pledge to work diligently to raise parenting consciousness so that the following childcare practices seem absurd in the near future.

To get your child to do what you want, start counting, one, two, three. (1999)

If your child misbehaves, sit her in the naughty chair until she says she is sorry. (2004)

To build self-esteem, praise your child with manipulative words like good, excellent, and wonderful. (2003)

To stop children from biting others, bite them to show them how it feels. (1998)

To encourage good grades, pay your child for each "A" they bring home on their report card. (2000)

To keep your child happy and occupied, put a TV and a computer in their bedroom. (2005)

To teach your child to be a winner, make sure they never quit what they begin. (1999)

To teach your child to deal with a bully, tell him to hit the bully back. (2001)

5. Article: What If You Saw . . . ?

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

1. What if you saw your child as wounded instead of wrong?

2. What if you saw the mistakes your child makes today as a learning opportunity?

3. What if you saw the behavior your child is exhibiting as age appropriate?

4. What if you saw your child today as unfinished and simply on the road to becoming who he or she is going to become?

5. What if you saw your child as confused rather than wrong?

6. What if you saw your child's behavior as a cry for help?

7. What if you saw the hurting child in the child that hurts?

8. What if you saw your child today as a child of God?

9. What if you saw your child as a teacher who is offering you a lesson?

10. What if you saw your child's behavior as perfect for helping him learn what he needs to learn right now?

What if you saw your child as you have never seen her before?

12. What if you saw your child as a gift that has been given to you?

13. What if you saw your child as more than his current behavior?

14. What if you saw your child's current misbehavior as exhibiting strengths in a different setting?

15. What if you saw your child for who she is rather than who you want her to be?

16. What if you saw your child as being in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, right now?

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their websites today: www.chickmoorman.com or www.thomashaller.com

The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose


6. Product Report

A.) Special Reports

Special Reports by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller consist of practical, usable advice that you can put to use immediately with your family. Each report deals with a specific parenting concern such as ending morning madness, eliminating whining, getting your child to do homework, etc. Each report offers step-by-step advice to help you handle a typical parenting problem.

Consisting of important how to's, helpful do's and don'ts, timely lists of ideas, and valuable steps to parenting success, these Special Reports will help you become the skilled and loving parent you always wanted to be. Each report sells for $4.00.

To check out the list of over 30 Special Reports, go to http://www.chickmoorman.com/specialReportBody.html

B.) E-course on Praise

Coming soon, our first e-course . . . designed to help parents deliver skillful praise to their children. Do you live with a praise junkie? Do you worry about whether your verbal praise is getting through to your child? Is it your desire to build an accurate and healthy self-concept in your child?

If so, you may wish to sign up for our three-week verbal-skill training on how to deliver effective praise to your child.

A special praise e-course offer will be coming to you within the next week. Watch for it.

C.) CDs are the wave of the future. That's why we are closing out our Language of Response-Able Parenting audiotape series and turning it into a 5-CD set. We are selling the remaining stock of audiotapes at half price while they last. Originally selling for $40, the series of five audiotapes with over five hours of Parent Talk strategies is now selling at the close-out price of $20 for the set.

There are only 2 cassette tape sets remaining. Order today to make sure you get this extraordinary deal.


7. We Get E-mails

Dear Chick and Thomas,

I don't know where else to turn and I need help desperately!? My daughter, in kindergarten, has started getting homework. I can only take 10 minutes and then I'm at my wits' end. It drives me insane when she doesn't pay attention, fools around, plays with her pencil, looks off the other way, writes a letter and then acts like she never saw the letter when it's time to write it again. I just got done writing words with her and I am so full of anxiety, frustration and honestly - anger. During the homework time I am doubting myself, doubting her, thinking she has a learning disability, and so on. I know part of it is that it isn't fun. But how do you make homework fun? I'm having all kinds of flashbacks from when I was little!! I don't want it to be the same and we have a long way to go! Do you know of a good book or a technique? Help, I'm at my wits' end and she's only 5! How do I even know what's normal and what she should be able to do and not do?

Thanks for anything you have to say, even just for letting me vent!


At My Wits' End

Dear Wits' End,

Kindergartners should not be doing homework. Homework should not begin until at least third grade and then it needs to be only activities that kids can do without struggling. Homework for young children should be confined to activities that allow them to come home and show off or activities that bring the family together and build connectedness.

It sounds like it might be time for you to go to school and start asking questions. Your daughter may be enrolled in one of those schools that is caught up in the achievement frenzy. In an effort to show increased test scores, many schools are pushing first-grade curriculum down into kindergarten regardless of whether or not children are ready for it. You may have your child in a kindergarten room that values forced achievement above the needs of the child and one that ignores appropriate early childhood education.

Your child's reaction to the homework is not yet an indication that she has a learning disability. It is more a situation where inappropriate activities are forced on children too young. A 3-5 minute activity that the child can do, that is fun to do, a couple of times a month is the ONLY appropriate homework for a kindergartner. We suspect your child would be able to handle that.

The school needs to relax. And so do you so that you don't add any unhelpful pressure to this situation. If you and the school continue to pressure this child at this age, a leaning disability will occur. It's called hating school.

Become an advocate for your child. Invite the teacher to give her less seatwork-oriented activities and explain that the homework is interfering with your family time. Ask the teacher to design more active assignments that take less time and occur less frequently. Detail your frustration. If the teacher persists in giving homework that you feel is inappropriate, send it back with a polite note explaining how you feel about it. Tell the teacher what you did with family time that night and all the learning that happened because of it.

Have fun. After all, isn't fun the first part of fundamentals?

Best wishes,

Chick and Thomas

8. Schedule

Jan. 26 - 28 - Grand Rapids, MI
8:30 am - 4:00 pm, Parent Talk System: Training of Trainers presented by Chick Moorman, Spring Arbor University, Grand Rapids, MI. For information and/or registration email ipp57@aol.com or call 1-877-360-1477.

Feb. 4 - Grand Island, NE
8:00 am - 3:30 pm, Early Childhood Conference, Celebrate the Spirit Whisperers and Concurrent Sessions presented by Chick Moorman, Nebraska Health and Human Services Division, College Park, Grand Island, NE.

Feb. 7 - Flint, MI
12:00 pm - 1:15 pm, Keynote Address: Celebrate the Spirit Whisperers presented by Chick Moorman, Genesee Area Counselors Association, Davenport University, Flint, MI. For information contact Aliza Grant at 810-591-7536 or email agrant@carman.k12.mi.us.

February 9 - Saginaw, MI
9:30am -12:30pm, Motivating and Inspiring Today's Teachers presented by Thomas Haller, Saginaw Catholic School Principal?s Conference, Saginaw, MI.

February 11 - Jackson, MI
12:00 - 3:00pm, Valentine's Book Signing by Thomas Haller of Couple Talk: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship, Nomad Book House, Jackson, MI.

February 13 - Bay City, MI
6:30pm - 7:30pm, Creating a Culture of Accountability in Your Family presented by Thomas Haller, MaCGregor Elementary, Bay City MI. Free to the public to register contact the school at (989) 892-1558.

February 20 - Alpena, MI
Day long presentation, Teacher Talk presented by Thomas Haller, Alpena-Montmorency-Alcona area-wide in-service day, Alpena, MI.

February 20 - Alpena, MI
6:30pm - 8:30pm, Parent Talk: Words that Empower, Words that Wound presented by Thomas Haller, Alpena Country Library, Alpena, MI

February 21 - Bay City, MI
6:30pm - 8:30pm, Week 1 of 10 Commitments 4 week Study Course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net (Class continues on Feb. 28, March 7, 14)

February 28 - Bay City, MI
6:30pm - 8:30pm, Week 2 of 10 Commitments 4 week Study Course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 1-877-360-1477 (toll free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-667-5654 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.


Copyright 2006 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

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