www.personalpowerpress --- 1-877-360-1477 (toll-free) April 3, 2006
The Response-Able Parent Newsletter #51

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.

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Mission
Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: How to Tell Your Child "I Love You."
5. Statement of Health
6. New Product
7. We Get E-mail
8. Did You Know?
9. Spread the Skills
10. Schedule of Events


1. Quote

"No society that loved its children would build so many prisons and so few parks and schools. No society that loved its children would teach them to recognize over 1000 corporate logos but fewer that a dozen plants and animals native to their home places. No society that loved its children would divorce them so completely from contact with soils, forests, streams, and wildlife."

David Orr (author/professor)


2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What if the parenting message trying to find you today is a whisper? Will you be quiet enough to hear it? Will you sit long enough for it to come?


3. Bumper Sticker

Seen on a Dodge Durango in Jackson, MI:

What a child learns at home
Will remain forever.


4. Article: How to Tell Your Child "I Love You."

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

"I love you" are three words all children need to hear often from their parents. Do you want those words to have real meaning to your child? Do you want them to connect one heart to another? Do you want to use these words to develop a level of intimacy in your family that communicates your heartfelt affection for your children? If so, consider strengthening I love you with the following suggestions.

1.)  Use eye contact. Give your children your eyes when you say, "I love you." Souls touch when meaningful eye contact is made during moments of intimacy. Touch with your eyes. It's a way of connecting that helps you bond.

2.)  Touch. A pat on the back, a hug, or a high-five will add meaning to verbal expressions of love. So will a slight squeeze of the shoulder or a kiss. Take your child's hand in yours when you say, "I love you," and add a tactile component to your words.

3.)  Use names. The sweetest sound in any language is the sound of your own name. Names get our attention and build connectedness. Sadly, some children only hear their own names when they are in trouble. ("William, you better get in here!") Add your child's name to your expression of love. "I love you, Carlos," or "Shingo, I really love you." Watch their reactions. Their facial expressions will encourage you to continue the practice of adding your child's name to "I love you."

4.)  Use the words son and daughter. These two words can add intense intimacy to your verbal expressions of love. "I love you, son" or "I love you, daughter" will create an emotion-filled statement that will invite an equally emotional response. Monitor your personal comfort level as you use these two important words. Notice your feelings as you say them, as well as the reaction you get from your children.

5.)  Add nonverbal signals to your spoken message. Smile, wink, and add pleasant facial expressions to your words. Make sure the message on your face is congruent with the one coming out of your mouth.

6.)  Do not use the word when as part of your vocal communication of love. "I love you when you smile like that" or "When you choose that happy mood, I love you" sends a message to your children that your love is conditional. What children often hear is "I only love you when." To love unconditionally, say "I love you" without any condition attached.

7.)  Remove the word but from your description of love. "I love you, but" is usually followed by a concern, problem, or frustration. When we express our love along with a concern, we send a mixed message. When we do this, children get confused and conclude that the love part is a manipulation intended to soften them up before the real message is delivered.

8.)  Add because you are loveable to your manner of expressing love. "I love you because you are loveable" is an important concept for children to learn. It helps them understand that your love is attached to no specific condition. It simply is. Be careful not to add any other words after because. "I love you because you are thoughtful" adds a condition that communicates conditional love. The only acceptable phrase to use with because is because you are loveable.

9.)  Say "I love you" at unexpected times. Children often hear our expressions of love at familiar times. We typically say "I love you" when we are going out the door on our way to work. We say it when we end a phone conversation. "I love you" is often the last communication our children hear as we tuck them into bed at night. "I love you" at those times is often expected and certainly anticipated. To heighten the impact of these three valuable words, use them at unexpected times. Say them in the middle of a meal, as you are driving down the road in your car, or as you stand at the kitchen sink doing dishes together.

Some children are auditory and need to hear the words "I love you." Others are tactile and need to be touched to feel loved. Still others are visual and need to see love on your face and in your actions. Why not give your children all three variations when you communicate your love?

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com.


The 10 Commitments: Parenting With Purpose

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW BOOKS. (Then CLICK on Parent Materials.)


5. Statement of Health

This message is for all of you who are wondering about Chick Moorman's health. He has received many e-mails, phone calls, prayers, and good wishes since he was diagnosed with cancer and completed his treatment. Recent inquiries have prompted this update.

Thank all of you for your concern and prayers. I deeply appreciate your love and interest. This whole cancer experience has led to many real learnings for me. I have learned how people combine to create miracles and that I am much tougher than I ever imagined.

At University of Michigan Hospital, where I had the majority of my cancer work done, I was offered the opportunity to get into an experimental treatment group or have a normal protocol for my form of cancer, which was advanced and fast-growing. I thought about it, checked it out inside, consulted with God, and decided to move ahead with the special treatment. Twice a day radiation for 6 weeks and a special kind of chemo was administered. I visited the doctor weekly at that time and bimonthly since the treatment ended.

On several occasions, a new resident doctor met with me before my main doctor gave me his attention. Every one of the resident doctors I met told me the same thing. They introduced themselves and said, "Just wanted to remind you, if you make it two years, you are home free." That sentence must have been written in my chart because they all said almost the exact same words: "If you make it two years you are home free."

Most of you know I care about language and the impact our words have on people. After all, I wrote Parent Talk and Talk Sense to Yourself and co-authored Teacher Talk and Couple Talk. I have written over 1,000 pages on the importance of talk. Naturally, I took it upon myself to give language lessons to the resident doctors at U of M. Somebody had to teach them how to talk to patients. I figured I was the one.

Every time a new resident doctor would tell me, "If you make it two years, you're home free," I would say, "Please don't talk to me like that."

Each one looked a bit startled and replied, "What do you mean? What did I say?"

So I told them, "You said if I make it two years I am home free."

"Well, that's right," they all responded. "If you make it two years you ARE home free."

"Not in my world," I told them. "I don't talk like that. I don't think like that. I don't believe like that, and that style of language does not fit with my intention. When you talk to me, say, 'WHEN you make it two years you are home free.' That's how I talk. That's how I think. That is my belief and my intention. I would appreciate it if you would support me in that."

They all agreed, and the last one who met with me said, "Well, let me start over. Mr. Moorman, when you make it two years you are home free." "Thank you very much," I told him.

It may seem like a small thing to you, changing one word from if to when. It's a big thing to me, a change that makes all the difference in how people think, what they believe, and in how they view their illness. As many of you know, I apply that same degree of scrutiny to how we talk to children and to each other.

Words are that important!

I am happy to report that on February 25th of this year I passed my two-year anniversary of the completion of my treatment. I currently run a full workshop and writing schedule, ride horses, dance, do kick boxing, body pump, and date an incredibly interesting woman. Thank you to everyone who expressed concern, added me to your prayer list, and cared enough to share your thoughts and love. My new motto is: Breathe in. Breathe out. Life is good.

I especially love the Gracie Allen quote that appeared in this newsletter a few months back. "Never place a period in your life where God only meant to place a comma."

Sincerely,

Chick Moorman
www.chickmoorman.com


6. New Product

Fred the MouseTM Book Two: Making Friends by Reese Haller

Fred the MouseTM Book Two: Making Friends is written by the youngest published fiction author in America, Reese Haller. This book, the second in a series, is about the scurry and scamper champion, Fred the Mouse, who leaves home in search of a magical place in his dreams where the creatures live in peace and harmony. Fred begins his search back at the location where he was born and befriends a snake, barn swallow, crow, turtle, cat, and watchdog. He discovers that the magical place he seeks is in the hearts and attitudes of the friends he has made along the way. A compelling story of the beauty of diversity in action as the uniqueness and talents of all the animals meld in the peace and harmony that Fred desires.

Third- and fourth-grade reading level. Perfect for reading aloud to preschoolers on up.

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW BOOK.


7. We Get E-mails

Hello Thomas,

Greetings from Mexico. It is interesting to read your newsletters. I always learn something new. Thank you. Please help.

My son is 8. My daughter is 6. And now we have a new baby who is 4 months. He has Down Syndrome.

Both children love the baby so much. They say it is the baby they always wanted. Even though we have explained everything to them, sometimes they don't fully understand what Down Syndrome is. They know for sure he will be able to do anything he wants, but slower.

Is there any advice you can give us on how to manage their relationship? What about a book for parents whose job is parenting a disabled child?

A Loving Mother


Dear Loving Mother,

A host?of books exists on Down syndrome children. Some of them deal with siblings. I recommend that you contact a Down syndrome foundation through the Internet and maybe even join a parent support group online. The more information you have, the better prepared you will be to handle and address the various developmental issues. It helps to hear from other parents who have already gone through it. They can be very insightful.

National Down Syndrome Congress
National Down Syndrome Society
International Mosaic Down Syndrome Assoc.

The best thing you can do is openly love your new baby as much as possible and let your other kids see your love, patience, understanding, acceptance, and appreciation.

It will take awhile before your children really get it and understand what the disability is and what it means. Their understanding will grow in time, as will their love for their sibling.

Blessings in your commitment to be the best parent you can be. Remember, your baby has chosen you and this family for a particular reason, all of which has not been revealed yet.

Warmly,

Thomas Haller
www.thomashaller.com

Resources in Mexico
Instituto Irapuatense Down, A.C.
Fundacijohn Langdon Down, A.C.

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Hi you guys,

I was just reviewing some old e-mails and read your 9/26/05 newsletter.? In there, a woman wrote to you about her six-year-old daughter who bit her nails. Her question to you was why. Your answer was that it was due to the child's self-esteem and confidence level. That answer may work for a six-year-old, but I highly doubt that is the reason my three-year-old son has been biting his nails for a year now. Any other suggestions on nail-biters?

Thanks,

Mom Who Wants to Know


Hello Mom,

Sometimes nail-biting in young children starts out as anxiety about something and then as the anxiety goes away the nail-biting remains as a habit. If that is the case, the nail-biting is no longer about anxiety or self-esteem. The issue then becomes how to deal with the habit.

The goal in dealing with the habit is bringing it to awareness without increasing the anxiety. Could be the child is not even conscious that the nail-biting is a habit. So helping him stay conscious is what is needed.

A slow and gentle pace is the key here in raising awareness of the habit. You need to find some fun, easy, gentle ways to remind the child that his fingers are in his mouth. "Looks like your fingers found your mouth again," said with a playful tone, is helpful. "Oops, your teeth are trying to eat your fingers" is a soft way to make the reminder.

Sometimes a quiet reminder sign, like holding up one finger, is good if other people are around and you don't want to say anything aloud to create embarrassment. The sign needs to be agreed upon by both you and the child beforehand.

Make an effort to remind without making the child wrong, without making him bad, without coming across as stressed or anxious yourself.??

Sincerely,

Chick and Thomas
www.personalpowerpress.com


8. Did You Know?

A.)  We strictly adhere to the United States federal laws of anti-spamming CAN-SPAM Act of 2003. If you received this e-mail newsletter from us it is because you signed up for it at one of our workshops or requested it on one of our websites.

B.)  We value readers? contributions to this newsletter. Send us a bumper sticker, quote, humor, concern, article idea, or feedback on one of our books or other products. We'd love to hear from you.

C.)  One in four children in America lives with only one parent.

D.)  We now have 8,701 people on this newsletter list. You can forward this newsletter to friends and relatives by scrolling to the bottom of this page and following the instructions.

E.)  The average parent spends 6 hours a week shopping, but only 40 minutes playing with their children.

F.)  Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller do over 50 parenting programs a year. The Five Voices of Effective Parenting and Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound are the two most popular. For more information on how to arrange one of these entertaining and skill-based presentations for your group, call Chick at 877-360-1477 or Thomas at 989-686-5356.

G.)  Reese Haller, the youngest published fiction author in America, recently met with Michigan's governor, Jennifer Granholm. She named him the Michigan ambassador for reading and writing to all the youth of Michigan. Way to go, Reese.

H.)  We have a new website designed to make it easier to contact us. At www.personalpowerpress.com you can order books, sign up for electronic courses, find out about our workshops and seminars, and gleen information about our CDs and DVDs. Check it out.


9. Spread the Skills

WANTED: Interested parents or teachers to become local facilitators of the Parent Talk System's Language of Response-Able Parenting model.

This is an important opportunity for you to spread the Parent Talk skills to the parents of your community, school, or church group. You could be the one, the influential person, who helps parents in your area learn effective verbal skills to use with their children.

Take a giant step toward helping the parents in your community. Become a skilled facilitator of the Parent Talk System by attending our July facilitator training. Join the growing number of people from around the world (USA, Mexico, Australia, Spain, Canada) who have learned how to help parents raise responsible, caring, confident children. We will help you learn to put the highly effective Parent Talk skills into the hands of parents in your church, school, or organization.

You will leave this three-day training with the skills and confidence to touch the hearts and minds of parents in your community!

Parent Talk System Training Schedule:
July 27-29, 2006
Dearborn, MI
Spring Arbor University

Facilitated by Chick Moorman and Judith Minton. Limited to 25 participants.

Further information available online. CLICK HERE FOR DETAILED INFORMATION outlining this exciting opportunity.

Act now and get the early bird discounted rate. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER ON-LINE.


10. Schedule

April 3 - Bay City, MI
6:30 pm - 8:30 pm, Transforming Aggression in Children presented by Thomas Haller, Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net.

April 4 - Bay City, MI
9:00am - 11:00am, Week 1 of 10 Commitments 4 week Study Course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net (Class continues on April 11, 18, 25).

April 6 - Bay City, MI
6:30 pm - 8:30 pm, How to Inspire Children to Write presented by Thomas Haller parent evening presentation following Literacy Day with Reese Haller at Atherton Elementary School, Atherton MI.

April 6 - Livonia, MI
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, Livonia Public Schools, Cooper Elementary, Livonia, MI. For information contact Tammy Spangler-Timm at 734-744-2710 or email tspangle@livonia.k12.mi.us.

April 10 - Bay City, MI
6:30 pm - 7:30 pm, Good Praise / Bad Praise presented by Thomas Haller, MaCGregor Elementary, Bay City MI. Free to the public to register contact the school at (989) 892-1558.

April 11 - Bay City, MI
9:00 am - 11:00 am, Week 2 of 10 Commitments 4 week Study Course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989) 671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net.

April 18 - Bay City
9:00 am - 11:00 am, Week 3 of 10 Commitments 4 week Study Course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net.?

April 18 - North Huntington, PA
9:00 am - 11:30 am and 1:00 pm - 3:30 pm, Teacher Talk and Student Responsibility presented by Chick Moorman, Norwin Public Schools, North Huntington, PA. For information please call Carol Borland at 724-861-3025 or email cborland@norwinsd.org.

April 18 - North Huntington, PA
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, Norwin Public Schools, North Huntington, PA. For information please call Carol Borland at 724-861-3025 or email cborland@norwinsd.org.

April 22 - Aurora, IN?
9:00 am - 10:00 am, Watch Your Language presented by Chick Moorman, SIEOC/Chld Abuse and Neglect Conference, Site Undetermined, Aurora, IN. For information contact Tory Meinders at 1-800-755-8558 ext. 236 or email torymeinders@yahoo.com.

April 22 - Aurora, IN
10:15 am - 1:15 pm, Concurrent Sessions: The 10 Best/10 Worst Things to Say to a Child, Good Pariase/Bad Praise and Celebrate the Spirit Whisperers presented by Chick Moorman, SIEOC/Child Abuse and Neglect Conference, Site Undetermined, Aurora, IN. For information contact Tory Meinders at 1-800-755-8558 ext. 236 or email torymeinders@yahoo.com.

April 24 - Bay City, MI
6:30 pm - 8:30 pm, Week 1 of 10 Commitments 4 week Study Course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net (Class continues on May 1, 15, 22).

April 25 - Bay City, MI
9:00 am - 11:00 am, Week 4 of 10 Commitments 4 Week Study Course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net.

April 27 - Detroit, MI
9:00 am - 11:30 am, Secretary Appreciation Day, Taking Care of Yourself While You Take Care of Others presented by Chick Moorman, Archdiocese of Detroit, Sacred Heart Seminary, Detroit, MI. For information contact Beth Burns at 313-237-5776 or email burns.elizabeth@aod.org.


Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 1-877-360-1477 (toll free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at?989-667-5654 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.


Copyright 2006 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all right reserved. Share this with your circle.


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