www.personalpowerpress.com May 2, 2006
The Response-Able Parent Newsletter #52

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

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1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: See One, Do One, Teach One
5. New Product
6. Parent Talk Tip
7. We Get E-mail
8. Did You Know?
9. Schedule of Events

1. Quote

"Once a human being has arrived here on earth, communication is the largest single factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes with others and what happens to him in the world about him."

Virginia Satir

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What if surrendering the parenting problem you have today is not an act of giving up? What if it is simply going to another source for the answer?

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a Dodge Stratus in Cincinnati, Ohio:

Wrestling and Marriage

Two contact sports that require a ring.

4. Article: See One, Do One, Teach One

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

If you want your children to learn and retain a new skill or concept, what way of teaching that skill or concept do you think works best? Look over the teaching strategies listed below and pick the one you think would have the greatest impact on retention of material.

Explaining it to them verbally.
Having them read the material to themselves.
Demonstrating the skill so they can see it being done correctly.
Having them do it themselves.
Testing them on it.

None of the items listed creates the greatest incidence of retention of material. The teaching strategy that has the best impact on remembering skills or concepts is not listed here.

There are two ways to measure retention of material. One is to measure the percent of the material that is remembered. The second is to measure the length of time the material is retained before it is forgotten. Explaining a skill verbally is not the most effective way to promote either the percent of material retained or the length of time for which it is retained. Nor is having children read the material to themselves, demonstrating the skill, having them do it themselves, or testing them on it. The greatest amount of retention of material occurs when children teach a concept or skill to someone else.

Teaching a skill to someone else moves that concept from short-term to long-term memory. If you explain how to do long division to another person two or three times, they may never understand the process, but you (the explainer) will experience greater clarity and learning. When you teach a skill or concept, you have to think about it, formulate it in your mind, rehearse how you want to explain it, say it aloud, and adjust your responses to the learner?s questions and level of understanding. You may have to come up with new examples, new words for explaining, and new ways of thinking about the skill or concept involved. Engaging this process serves you (the teacher) as much as it does the learner. It increases your level of retention.

So what does all this mean for parents? It means that if you want your child to learn something well, have him or her teach it to someone else.

To help your ten-year-old remember the steps involved in feeding the dog, have her explain how to feed the dog to her younger sister.

Have your teen teach the safety rules of running the lawn mower to your spouse or a friend.

Encourage your toddler to tell the baby the four important things to do to get your teeth clean when you brush them. The baby won't learn the skill, but your toddler will.

See One, Do One, Teach One is a useful strategy that combines the benefits of different learning styles. This process comes from the medical model. Medical students typically first see someone put on a splint, then put on a splint, then teach someone else to put on a splint. The process involves them in seeing the skill modeled, doing it themselves, and then teaching the skill to another student. Maximum learning results when the learner goes through all three of these activities.

Each Saturday morning, the Warner family cleaned their home for two hours before they attended to their individual agendas. All the children and the parents had different cleaning responsibilities during this Saturday morning ritual. Mr. Warner did the bathrooms.

When it came time to teach the children how to clean the bathrooms, Mr. Warner decided to begin with the toilet. He involved the oldest child first and demonstrated the correct toilet-cleaning procedure (See One) as he talked about each of the important steps involved. The child then went downstairs and cleaned the toilet in that bathroom (Do One) as Mr. Warner watched and gave descriptive and corrective feedback.

The following Saturday, the oldest child explained how to clean a toilet (Teach One) to the second-oldest child.

The See One, Do One, Teach One process was repeated until all three children knew how to clean the toilet. Mr. Warner was one of a growing number of parents who realize that if you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. He also knew that if you want a behavior remembered, you have to allow the learner to teach the behavior.

Do you want to remember the See One, Do One, Teach One philosophy for helping children learn important skills and concepts? If so, teach it to someone else.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. To obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs.


The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose


5. New Product ? Winning the Whining Wars

A DVD presentation featuring Thomas Haller

Are you ready to put an end to your children's whining, lying, cussing, put-downs or other unwanted behavior? Do you feel like you've tried everything and are not sure what to do next? If so, this DVD is for you. In this presentation, Thomas provides practical tools that will help you stop the whining or other irritating, annoying, frustrating behaviors your children may be exhibiting. Learn effective interventions that teach them how to start living responsible, caring, confident lives.

DVD run time: 86 min. ($19.95)



6. Parent Talk Tip

Parent Talk Tip: Positive and Neutral Words

"No running" and "Don't talk to me like that" are examples of negative phrasing. When you tell children not to do something, it plants a negative picture in their minds and often has the reverse effect. "Please walk in the house. Walking is safer" and "Please talk to me in a softer voice" use phrasing that states your request in positive language. It creates pictures in the child?s mind of the behavior you desire and makes it more likely you will get it.

"You might want to consider . . ." and "If you look again, maybe you'll see . . ." are requests wrapped in neutral words. Using neutral words instead of "Do it this way," or "You're not looking closely enough," gives you a better chance of getting the behavior you want from your children.


7. We Get E-mails

Dear Thomas and Chick,

Thank you for providing this service to us. I am enjoying the books I bought very much and am waiting patiently for the CD's to return from another family that is also getting help from you.

We have a 15-year-old son in his second year of high school. Lying has become a very serious problem. He will not be truthful about his school assignments and is doing very poorly.

Recently he has been dating. He has not told us the truth of how he has met these girls. He creates stories about them and then has to keep up the fabrications until it is too difficult for him to remember all the details. I have no idea why he lies because there would not have been a problem in either case if he had told the truth.

Today he asked me if I was going to ask about how school was today and my response was, "Unless things change and you become honest I don't see the point in asking anything. Nor does it seem to matter what I have to say."  Not an example of using effective Parent Talk, I know, but I am really trying to be the best parent I can be.  I am really lost!

God bless you and all you try to do for our children.

Wits End in Edmond, OK

Hello Wits End,

Fifteen-year-olds sure are fun, eh?

It might be time to go after this issue directly. Have a good, down-to-earth conversation about what your son is after here. "Jason, you don't always tell me the truth about school or dates. What are you hoping to get from that? What are you trying to accomplish?" Is he trying to get you to back off? Does he want some privacy? Is this a control issue where he wants to control where the conversation goes? Maybe you are being too nosey in his view. Maybe he is attempting to find a sense of self, some independence. Maybe he is attempting to eliminate what feels to him like cross-examination. Check it out with him. Hear what he has to say about this.

When he asks, "Aren't you going to ask me about school?" give it back to him so he's in control. Say, "What would you like to share with me about school?" Let him be in charge of the response.

Lying about school is probably an attempt to avoid the inevitable: doing homework, having to study, your finding out about his poor grades. You will find out eventually. He is probably attempting to postpone that.

Beat him to the punch. Check with teachers regularly. Find out from them what the assignments are so you can tell him what the homework is. When he says he doesn't have any, tell him you talked to the teachers and you know what homework he has. Tell him what that is. Don't try to catch him in a lie. Just tell him that you know what the homework is. Operate from a position of knowing, not from one of not knowing and needing to depend on him for the truth.

Guess he hasn't figured out yet that trust is built through telling the truth. We don't give car keys to anyone we cannot trust. Now is the time for him to build his reputation with you. If he wants to be trusted when he is old enough to drive, he needs to demonstrate that now.

Opportunity equals responsibility. If the responsibility falls, so does the opportunity. He is in control of that.

Hope this helps.


Thomas and Chick

8. Did You Know?

A. There are currently 8,910 subscribers to The Response-Able Parenting Newsletter. Please forward this copy to anyone you feel would benefit from practical ideas for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

B. This newsletter is FREE! But if you should decide you don't want it, you can unsubscribe at any time. Just scroll down to the bottom of the page and follow the directions.

C. If you want to learn the skills presented in the Parent Talk book, the best way to have them stick in?your language patterns is to teach them to someone else. We are offering an exciting opportunity for you to do just that. Consider joining us for the next Training of Trainers Parent Talk workshop in Dearborn, MI, July 27-29. In just three short days you will learn how to present the Parent Talk skills to parents in your community. To find out more, click here.

D. Reese Haller, and Fred the Mouse: The Adventures Begin, is?one of three finalists for the prestigious Ben Franklin Award to be presented in Washington, DC on May 17th. The winner will be chosen from the three finalists and announced during a ceremony at the Washington DC Convention Center. Fred the Mouse is one of three books vying for the award in the Juvenile-Young Adult Fiction category. There were more than 1,600 entries received in competition for the 2006 awards, which are given by Publishers Marketing Association

Send good wishes and congratulations to Reese at reese@reesehaller.com.

E. It isn?t early curfews that keep teens out of trouble. It's respect for their families.

F. One out of every 910 children in America is killed by a gun before age 20.

G. You can get a discount on The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose if you use it as a book study selection. Call on discount rates when ordering 10 or more copies. (toll-free, 877-360-1477)

H.  Effective discipline has nothing to do with what you did and everything to do with how you did it. You can hear Thomas Haller or Chick Moorman share this concept with your group when you book one of them to be your next speaker. Check out their extensive list of impactful topics at www.personalpowerpress.com.

9. Schedule

May 8 - Bay City, MI
6:30 pm - 7:30 pm, Tips for Making Your Summer Vacation the Best Ever presented by Thomas Haller, MacGregor Elementary, Bay City, MI. Free to the public. To register, contact the school at (989)892-1558.

May 11 - St. Johns, MI
Afternoon, Peer Pressure presented by Chick Moorman, St. Johns Middle School, St. Johns, MI. For information contact Bud Delavan at 989-227-4316.

May 11 - St. Johns, MI
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, St. Johns Middle School, St. Johns, MI. For information contact Bud Delavan at 989-227-4316.

May 15 - Bay City, MI
6:30 pm - 8:30 pm, Week 3 of 10 Commitments 4-week study course presented by Thomas Haller. Offered through the Bay City Public Schools Parent Involvement and Education Grant. Location to be announced. To register please contact Sue Murphy at (989)671-8180 or murphys@bcschools.net.

June, 13, 14, & 15 - Madison, WI
9:00 am - 4:00 pm, Concurrent Sessions presented by Chick Moorman, IGS, Madison, WI. For information contact Ed Pino at 303-805-1893 or email parkerigs@earthlink.net.

June 21, 22 & 23 - Kimberly, WI
9:00 am - 4:00 pm, Concurrent Sessions presented by Chick Moorman, IGS, Kimberly, WI. For information contact Ed Pino at 303-805-1893 or email parkerigs@earthlink.net.

June 27, 28 & 29 - Wausau, WI
9:00 am - 4:00 pm, Concurrent Sessions presented by Chick Moorman, IGS, Wausau, WI. For information contact Ed Pino at 303-805-1893 or email parkerigs@earthlink.net.

June 30 - Naperville, IL
8:30 am - 4:30 pm, Teaching for Respect & Responsibility presented by Chick Moorman, Academy of Behavioral Consultants, Great Lakes Conference, Naperville, IL. For information contact Sarah Knapp at asksarahnow@aol.com.

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 1-877-360-1477 (toll free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at?989-667-5654 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.


Copyright 2006 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

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