www.personalpowerpress.com June 12, 2006
The Response-Able Parent Newsletter #53

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

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1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: Your Child's Hero
5. Product of the Month
6. We Get E-mail
7. Make a Difference?
8. Schedule of Events

1. Quote

"If you love your son, you must let him travel."

Japanese Proverb

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What if the parenting circumstance that troubles you today is never going to change? Can you change your experience of the circumstance instead?

3. Bumper Sticker

Seen in Davison, MI, on a red Ford truck:

I have the best dad in the world!

4. Article: Your Child's Hero

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

Johnny Johnson's thirteen-year-old daughter stayed up later than usual to finish her homework recently. She was working on a writing assignment that was due in the morning. Her middle-school teacher had assigned it a week earlier, but like a lot of teens, the youngster saved her writing efforts until the last minute.

Mr. Johnson's daughter, Sabrina, had talked about the assignment earlier in the week. Her job was to pick one of her heroes and tell why this particular person was a hero to her. Gentle reminders from her father about completing the assignment during the week fell on deaf ears. "I've got it under control," Sabrina told him. "I have it already written in my head. This will be an easy one. I just have to take what I already know and put it on paper."

If your child received an assignment like this, who would they write about? A rock star, athlete, politician, or a television personality? Maybe they would write about a teacher, a clergyman, or a fireman. One would hope that the recipient of this attention would be someone her parents respected and thought worthy of their child?s esteem and adulation.

Later, after his daughter had gone to bed, Mr. Johnson noticed her writing assignment lying on the study table. It only took one glance for a rush of strong emotion to begin running through his body. He was stunned by what he saw. On the top of the first page was the title of her essay. It stated: "My Father, My Hero."

Johnny Johnson began to cry. What a compliment! What an unexpected affirmation of all he had attempted to be as a father!

Who would your child write about if given this assignment? Do you wish he or she would write about you? It could happen. Especially if your actions today are heroic, if you behave like a hero in front of your children. Listed below are several ways to be a hero to your children. Add them to your repertoire of heroic actions. Do it as a Father's Day gift to yourself. You deserve it and so do your children.

1.)  Be the good Samaritan. Stop to help a stranded motorist. Rake the leaves for an elderly couple. Bake cookies for the nursing home residents. Allow your children to help and to witness a caring father in action.

2.)  Be approachable. Tell your teens that the front porch light is a signal. When the light is on, it means you are available to talk, even if you are asleep. Tell the little ones that your easy chair is your listening chair. If they ever have a concern, question, or frustration, they can ask to sit in the listening chair with their father. Follow through.

3.)  Attend sporting events, concerts, and school activities. Be visible in the stands when your child participates. If she can see you, she knows you can see her. Demonstrate good sportsmanship and appropriate manners.

4.)  Search for solutions. Focus on problem solving with your children. Minimize blame and punishment. Focus on finding solutions instead. Give your children a model of a father who cares about finding ways to fix things rather than making people pay for their errors.

5.)  Hold your children accountable. Holding your children accountable for their actions and choices is one of the most loving things you can do as a father. If you don't hold your children accountable, someone else might have to.

6.)  Be consistent. It's not the severity of a consequence that has the impact. It's the certainty. The kiss of death for any discipline system is inconsistency. Hold your children accountable for their actions with an open heart and do it with consistency.

7.)  Take their suggestions seriously. Your children have ideas about what to do on your next vacation. They have certain places they like to eat. They have ideas on how to spend entertainment money. It is not necessary to use all their suggestions. It is necessary to hear them all, think about them, and give them serious consideration.

8.)  Teach. Teach your child to hit a baseball, ride a bike, and use a fork appropriately. Resist the effort to outsource important learning to other groups and individuals. Teach your child to care for pets, treat all living things with respect, and appreciate nature. Model exactly how loving and compassionate a strong man can be.

9.)  Invest in experiences rather than things. Your child does not need a brand new $400 sandbox with a swing set attached that comes preassembled. He needs the experience of going out in the backyard with his father and building a sandbox together. One more new toy is not necessary. What is needed is the experience of taking a trip to the lake, to the library, or to a rodeo.

10.)  Make charity visible. Let your children see your trips to the Red Cross to give blood. Let them participate in deciding how to spend the money in the family charity jar. Let them help pick out the coat that goes to the Coats for Kids program. Allow them to put the money in the church plate as it is passed down the pew.

Want to be a hero in your child's life? Add some of these ideas to your toolbox of parenting strategies. Someday you just might discover your child?s writing assignment entitled, "My Father, My Hero."

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com.

The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose


5. Product of the Month: Winning the Whining Wars

A DVD presentation featuring Thomas Haller

Are you ready to put an end to your students'?whining, lying, cussing, put-downs or other unwanted behavior? Do you feel that you've tried everything and you aren?t sure what to do next? If so, this DVD is for you. In this presentation Thomas provides practical tools that will help you stop the whining or other irritating, annoying, frustrating behaviors your students may be exhibiting. Learn effective interventions that teach them how to start living responsible, caring, confident lives.

DVD run time: 86 min. ($19.95)

For more information on "Winning the Whining Wars" visit: www.personalpowerpress.com/parentBooks.html


6. We Get E-mails

Hello Thomas and Chick,

I have read Parent Talk and Couple Talk and have found them incredibly useful. But I have a different kind of problem.

The problem is where I work. We have many employees who are angry with each other. Our environment is bad. There needs to be some communication, but many of the people here are not tactful at all. People just keep hurting each other with words. It's a classic case of bullying, but with adults and to a higher degree. I'm afraid that there won't be a way to ever reconcile differences without serious hardship. Our entire agency needs to be taught some common courtesies/manners, and what to do when we're confronted with one of these extremely rude people. I would appreciate any help you could offer. 

Lost in Poor Communication

Hello Lost,

The tough part of this is that you can't change other people. If you are not in a management position, then your options are limited. The culture of communication in an organization typically comes from the top down. If this issue is not a priority at the top, then little will change.

Here are some possibilities.

1.) We do a workshop for organizations on improving the culture of communication. It includes the verbal skills you say people need. You might suggest it to the higher-ups, the ones who are in charge of staff development.

2.) You can model effective communication skills yourself. Refuse to get sucked into this toxic?style of speaking.

3.) Refuse to get hooked by the comments of others. Do not take them personally. Remember that most of them are not about you and that they tell more about the person sending the message than the one receiving it.

4.) Hear what others say the way you wish they had said it. If someone says, "What's the matter with you? Can't you ever do anything right?" refuse to hear that. Instead, hear, "I might be wrong, but I think you made an error on this. Would you mind checking it again?"

5.) Say things like...

"You sound angry. If you would tell me in a calmer way, I would have a better chance of hearing you."
"Ouch, that sounded like a put-down. Could you rephrase that so it doesn't seem like a personal attack?"
"Please talk to me like I am a valued colleague."
"I have trouble hearing you when you use attack words in your language."
"Let?s see if we can focus more interest on fixing the problem than on fixing blame."
"That sounds like shaming. Is that the way you intended it? If so, I've had enough shaming this week, so no thank you."

I hope this helps.

Thomas and Chick?

7. Make a Difference

*    Do you feel called in your soul to help parents consider the possibility that there might be a better way, an enlightened way to parent?

*    Are you interested in helping parents move from a fear- and shame-based parenting style to one that is love-based?

*    Would you consider helping the parents in your community make a shift in perception that would allow them to become the change that will change our world for the better?

*    Are you ready to make a giant leap forward to actualizing your potential as a healer of the planet?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, this email is clearly getting through to you and the dynamic, up-coming three-day training seminar in the Parent Talk System is definitely for you!

There is still time to qualify for the early bird discount. To register or find out the July 27-29 program specifics, click here.


8. Schedule

June 13, 14, & 15 -oncurrent Sessions presented by Chick Moorman, IGS, Madison, WI. For information contact Ed Pino at 303-805-1893 or e-mail parkerigs@earthlink.net.

June 13 - Saginaw, MI
7:00 am - Radio interview with Reese Haller, The morals of each book of the Fred the Mouse series, WIOG 102.5, Saginaw, MI.

June 13 - Saginaw, MI
8:15 am - Radio interview with Reese Haller, The morals of each book of the Fred the Mouse series, WHNN 96.1, Saginaw, MI.

June 14 - Saginaw, MI
12:00 pm - 1:00 pm, How to Inspire Children to Write presented by Reese Haller, Saginaw Children's Zoo, Saginaw, MI. For information e-mail Reese at reese@reesehaller.com.

June 14 - Saginaw, MI
2:00 pm - 4:00 pm, Book signing with Reese Haller, Saginaw Children?s Zoo, Saginaw, MI. For information e-mail Reese at reese@reesehaller.com.

June 19 - 23 - Davison, MI
8:00 am - 3:00 pm, The 5 Voices of Classroom Discipline, Hahn Intermediate, Davison, MI. For information contact Mindy Winter at 810-591-1157.

June 27, 28 & 29 - Wausau, WI
9:00 am - 4:00 pm, Concurrent Sessions presented by Chick Moorman, IGS, Wausau, WI. For information contact Ed Pino at 303-805-1893 or e-mail parkerigs@earthlink.net.?

June 28 - Wausau, WI
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound, Children's Service Society of Wisconsin, Wausau, WI. For information contact Linda Salzman at 715-845-6747 or e-mail linda.salzman@cssw.org.

June 30 - Naperville, IL
8:30 am - 4:30 pm, Teaching for Respect & Responsibility presented by Chick Moorman, Academy of Behavioral Consultants, Great Lakes Conference, Naperville, IL. For information contact Sarah Knapp at asksarahnow@aol.com.

July 1 - St. Louis, MO
9:30 am - 11:00 am, Self-Publishing 101: How to Turn Your Experience into a Published Work presented by Thomas Haller, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Annual Conference. For information go to www.AASECT.org.

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 1-877-360-1477 (toll free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at?989-667-5654 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.


Copyright 2006 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

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