www.personalpowerpress.com October 12, 2006
The Response-Able Parent Newsletter #57

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.






Mission Statement
Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

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IN THIS ISSUE

1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: Is Your Child's Homework Worth Doing?
5. Parent Talk Tip
6. We Get E-mail
7. Make a Difference
8. Schedule of Events


1. Quote

"Work is not always required there is such a thing as sacred idleness, the cultivation of which is now fearfully neglected."

George MacDonald


2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What is your grandest vision of yourself as a parent? Why not act as if you already are what you would really like to be as a parent?


3. Bumper Sticker

Spotted on a burgundy Chevy Silverado truck in Santa Barbara, CA:

My parrot can talk.
Can your honor student fly?


4. Article: Is Your Child's Homework Worth Doing?

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

The drive to assign more and more homework to children at younger ages is in full force in some schools. The homework binge threatens to cut into prime family time, extra-curricular activities, and rest and relaxation. It also increases conflict over scheduling and completing the ever-increasing number of assignments.

But is that homework worth the time and effort you and your children put into it? Is it worth the hassle of deciding when, where, and how to do the homework? Is your child's homework worth giving up prime family time that you could be using to read to each other, play checkers, have a discussion, go for a walk together, or participate in creative or recreational activities?

Maybe you are one of the growing number of parents who resent school personnel deciding how you will spend your family time. Perhaps you have noticed a severe drop in your child's love of learning. Or maybe you have simply noticed a repetitive nature to your child's homework and wonder, is it worth it? Let's take a closer look.

Here are some criteria to help you determine if your child's homework is worth the effort. Keep his or her latest homework assignments in mind as you review them.

1. Beware of the long assignment. Homework that takes a long time to complete is not useful homework. This usually means the homework is repetitive, boring, or above your child's skill level. Set a homework time limit for your child in these cases and allow her to quit when the time limit is reached. Research shows no value of homework in elementary school and none after an hour or an hour and a half in high school.

2. Does the homework ask the child to think? Simple recall questions where children have to search notes or textbooks for the one correct answer do not ask for thinking. Being asked to recall dates, names, historical events, and capitals of states or countries falls into this category.

Questions that ask for opinion or positions that can be defended require more thinking. The more the homework involves comparing how things are the same or different, analyzing, evaluating, ranking, drawing conclusions, summarizing, or predicting, the greater the opportunity your child has to think.

3. Does your child have any choice in the homework? Did he pick the topic, the country, the person, or the amount of work to do? The less choice a child has in determining the homework, the greater the likelihood it will appear boring, unrelated to his real life, and more like a chore than a learning opportunity. The more choice a child has in homework, the greater the chance he will find it meaningful and will strive to learn more.

4. Was the assignment individualized? If everyone in the classroom gets the same homework, you can be assured that it is too easy for some and too difficult for others. Thirty unique children should not be given the same homework assignment. This one-size-fits-all approach to homework is not effective in helping children to learn.

5. Was the homework designed by the teacher? Homework that comes out of a workbook, a packet of worksheets, or a textbook is less likely to be meaningful than if the teacher put some of her thought and energy into designing the assignment herself to meet a specific objective. Teacher-designed homework also increases the odds that the assignment is designed specifically with your child in mind.

6. Does the homework involve the family in meaningful dialogue? Arguing, nagging, and bribing creates frustration, anxiety, and resistance that is not healthy for family communication. Meaningful dialogue occurs when family members are interviewed, share their life experiences, or bake, build, or create something together.

7. Is the homework going to be graded? Homework assignments hold more meaning when they are shared among students the next day. In those cases, exploration, explanation, and questioning abound. When homework is simply checked off or graded, it communicates to students that the real reason for doing the homework is evaluation, not learning the concepts. If learning was the real intent of assigning homework, there would be no need to grade it.

8. Does the student pay a price for getting things wrong on homework? Homework that allows children to make mistakes and learn from them is more valuable than homework that penalizes the child for incorrect answers and incomplete knowledge.

9. Does the homework call for transfer of skills or knowledge? Knowledge is not wisdom. If the homework is all about knowledge, facts, reasons, and memorization, the chances are that it has low-level value. Does the homework ask the child to use the material learned in real life situations? Does it ask her to take what she learned over here and put it to use over there? Real learning is knowledge applied. Does your child's homework ask her to apply the material covered?

10. What kind of study habits are being reinforced by the homework? If the homework is such that the child procrastinates, resists, surface-skims, and does sloppy work so he can get done, be advised that those are precisely the study habits being learned. If the homework is anticipated and done thoroughly and neatly with a positive attitude, then those habits are being reinforced. What kind of habits is your child's homework encouraging?

11. Does the school or the teacher have a set policy for when homework is assigned? Homework is often less beneficial when it's assigned in accordance with a policy determining when it is to be given. This holds true for teachers who set up a system in advance and inform the parents and students that homework will be assigned on Tuesdays and Thursdays, for instance. This announcement that there will be homework on given days is tantamount to the teacher admitting that the homework is not dictated by the lesson or by your child�s need, but rather by the schedule. In these cases there is a greater danger that the homework is being assigned not because it is necessary, but simply to fill the previously announced schedule.

12. Does the school have a policy governing how much homework is assigned according to grade level? Some schools, for instance, have a policy that students will do 10 minutes per night of homework for each grade level they represent. In other words, 10 minutes for first grade, 20 minutes for second grade, and so on. This method of assigning homework insures that some homework will be given each night whether or not it's appropriate or needed. Once again, the so-many-minutes-a-night commitment increases the chance that homework is filler, repetitive, and meaningless. Pay special attention to the amount and type of homework if your child's teacher announces a schedule of this type.

When schools impose activities that squeeze out your family interests and desires, it is appropriate and helpful to ask if those activities are meaningful. No one knows your child and your family's needs better than you do. You get to decide the role that homework will play in your family's life. Do your homework and examine your child's homework using the criteria above. It might be the most important homework done in your family this school year.

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of
The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your family, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com.


5. Parent Talk Tip: Treat Every Offense as if It Were a First-Time Occurrence.

"That's the fifth time I've had to speak to you about this."

"This is the third time you've done that this week."

"This makes three times you've been late for dinner since Sunday."

This type of Parent Talk reveals mental scorekeeping. When you keep track of the number of times a behavior has occurred, you take archeological garbage from the past and drag it into the present. The weight of numerous incidents creates strain that prevents you from dealing cleanly with the situation at hand. Scorekeeping builds stress, magnifies the situation, and interferes with the process of communicating clearly and directly.

To step out of the role of scorekeeper, choose Parent Talk that speaks as if each situation were new and different. Ask as if you had never asked before. Remind as if you had not reminded previously. Discipline as if it were a first-time occurrence.

From Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Child in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility, by Chick Moorman.


Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Children in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW BOOK.


6. We Get E-mails

Hello Chick,

I just want to thank you for your Parent Talk the other night at our school. You made it fun and interesting and my husband stayed awake, so that was a good sign. Also, I bought your entire parenting kit. Thanks.

I have one question and I thought you might be able to help. My son was diagnosed with ADD in second grade. He is now in 3rd grade and I just wondered if all your Parent Talk applies to children with ADD as well?

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Appreciative Mom

Dear Appreciative Mom,

Wow. Your husband stayed awake the whole time? This is good!

Yes, the Parent Talk material applies to ADD kids as well as others. Obviously they have special needs and you will need to use the skills often and with consistency. If there is one thing ADD kids need it is structure and consistency. These materials will help you create that for him. Have fun using all of them.

Warmly,


Chick Moorman

___________________________________________________________________


Hi Thomas,

I've a 6 year old son who is bright but is able to rebut when challenged. Recently I noticed that he needed extra attention from external parties especially when either my husband or I are engaged in a conversation with our friends or relatives. He insists he needs to show his aunt or uncle his latest toys or tell where he has been. He was a very polite boy until these recent episodes. My husband and I are embarrassed when he insists on taking the attention for himself.

Best regards.

Need help in Singapore


Hello Mother from Singapore,

To a 6-year-old child, the world does revolve around them. They are into the I, Me, My stage. They have strong egos and need to tell and share and get lots of attention. This is developmentally appropriate. You may be asking your six-year-old to be nine. Remember, he is not nine, but six.

Teach him how to get himself attention. Teach him how to do that appropriately. If you want a behavior, you have to teach a behavior. Teach him the words to say to get in on an adult conversation. Teach him how to ask if someone is interested in hearing his story or seeing his new toy. Teach him what to do if the person says yes or no.

"I have a new toy, would you like to see it?"

"I'd like to tell you about my trip to the zoo. Would this be a good time?"

"Would you like to hear me play the violin?"

Young children do not have these skills. They only develop them when adults take the time to teach them.

Have fun with this.

Sincerely,


Thomas Haller


7. Make a Difference

  • Do you feel called in your soul to help parents consider the possibility that there might be a better way, an enlightened way, to parent?

  • Are you interested in helping parents move from a fear- and shame-based parenting style to one that is love-based?

  • Would you consider helping the parents in your community make a shift in perception that would allow them to become the change that will change our world for the better?

  • Are you ready to make a giant leap forward to actualizing your potential as a healer of the planet?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, the dynamic, life-changing Parent Talk System training of trainers is definitely for you!

Register now and qualify for the early bird discount! To register or find out about the February 8-10 program specifics, VISIT www.chickmoorman.com UNDER SPECIAL EVENT.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION.


8. Schedule

October 12 - Traverse City, MI
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Grace-Full Parenting, Children's House, Traverse City, MI. For information contact Nadine Elmgren at 231-929-9325 ext. 34 or email nlglass@chartermi.net.


October 16 - Mobile AL
The 6 Traits of Writing: A 5th-Graders Perspective presented by Thomas Haller and Reese Haller, International Reading Association Conference, Mobile, Alabama. For more information contact Carolyn at charris@reading.org.

October 20 - Anaheim, CA
Mark Victor Hansen Speaking Seminar presented by Thomas Haller and his son, Reese, live on stage with Mark Victor Hansen at The Mega Speaking Seminar, Anaheim, CA. For more information visit www.markvictorhansen.com

October 19 - Manchester, MI
7:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Parent Talk Two: Raising Responsible Children presented by Chick Moorman, Manchester Public Schools, High School Auditorium, Manchester, MI. For information e-mail Julie Green at Jewels3500@aol.com.

October 20 - Grand Rapids, MI
Morning Keynote, Motivating Students Through the Power of Your Words presented by Chick Moorman, Michigan Association of Non-public Schools, Van Andel Arena, Grand Rapids, MI. For information contact Glen Walstra at 517-372-0662 or e-mail gwalstra@m-a-n-s.org.

October 21 - Detroit, MI
Closing Conference Keynote, Recognizing the Spirit Whisperers presented by Chick Moorman, American Association of School Personnel Administration, Detroit, MI. For information contact Terry Serbin at 734-265-3020 or e-mail serbin@monroe.k12.mi.us.

October 27 - Detroit, MI
8:15 am - 12:00 pm, Strategies for Reaching "At Risk" Students presented by Chick Moorman, Charter Schools of Detroit, Detroit, MI. For information email Carolyn Ayers at carolyn@issaproperties.com.

October 27 - Detroit, MI
8:15 am - 12:00 pm, Classroom Behavior Management presented by Thomas Haller, Charter Schools of Detroit, Detroit, MI. For information email Carolyn Ayers at carolyn@issaproperties.com.

October 27 - Detroit, MI
1:30 - 3:00 pm, Moral Building and Verbal Skills for Administrators presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, Charter Schools of Detroit, Detroit, MI. For information e-mail Carolyn Ayers at carolyn@issaproperties.com.

October 31 - Flint, MI
11:30 am - 2:30 pm, Celebrate the Spirit Whisperers, Kearsley Public Schools, Armstrong Middle School, Flint, MI. For information contact Martha Davis at 810-591-7640 or e-mail mdavis@mail.kearsley.k12.mi.us.

November 3 - Jackson, MI
Advanced Training Associates presentation, Stress Management 501 presented by Thomas Haller, approved for 1 contact hour of CEU's for Social Workers, Jackson, MI. For more information contact Phyllis at prmyers@dmci.net.

November 3 - Jackson, MI
Advanced Training Associates presentation, Social Work Ethics presented by Thomas Haller, approved for 5 contact hours of CEU's for Social Workers, Jackson, MI. For more information contact Phyllis at prmyers@dmci.net.

November 4 - Midland, MI
8:40 - 9:45 am, Keynote Presentation by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, Enlightened Parenting, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 4 - Midland, MI
10:00 - 11:00 am, Developing Your Child's Inner Authority presented by Chick Moorman, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mcesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 4 - Midland, MI
10:00 - 11:00 am, How to Get Your Kids to Do Homework presented by Thomas Haller, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mcesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 4 - Midland, MI
11:15 am - 12:15 pm, The 5 Voices of Effective Parenting presented by Chick Moorman, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mcesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 4 - Midland, MI
11:15 am - 12:15 pm, Creating a Culture of Accountability in your Home presented by Thomas Haller, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mcesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 4 - Midland, MI
12:30 - 1:30 pm, How to Inspire Children To Write presented by Reese Haller, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mcesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 4 - Midland, MI
1:45 - 2:45 pm, Eliminating Negative Behaviors presented by Chick Moorman, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mcesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 4 - Midland, MI
1:45 - 2:45 pm, Ending Morning Madness/Banishing Bedtime Blues presented by Thomas Haller, Together For Kids Conference, Dow Midland High School, Midland, MI. For information contact Tonya Coty at 989-631-5892 or e-mail tcoty@mcesa.k12.mi.us. Click on http://togetherforkids.homestead.com/TFK_Conf_Brochure.pdf for a full brochure.

November 9 - Clinton Township, MI
7:00 - 9:00 pm, Parent Talk: Words That Empower, Words That Wound presented by Chick Moorman, Montessori Children's Academy, Clinton Township, MI. For information contact Daniella DeMichele at daniella76@hotmail.com.

November 11 - Dearborn, MI
9:00 am - 3:00 pm, Classroom Management presented by Chick Moorman, Michigan Montessori Society, Henry Ford Community College, Dearborn, MI. For information contact Catharine Calder at ccalder@meadowmontessori.org.

November 11 - Saginaw, MI
10:00 am - 11:00 am, 10 Best Things to Say to Your Partner presented by Thomas Haller, About Women Expo, Ryder Center, SVSU. For information email�tweighman@thesaginawnews.com.

November 11 - Saginaw, MI
1:00 pm - 2:00 pm, How to Inspire Children to Write presented by Reese Haller, About Women Expo, Ryder Center, SVSU. For information email�tweighman@thesaginawnews.com.

November 17 - Lansing, MI
Advanced Training Associates presentation Social Work Ethics presented by Thomas Haller, approved for 5 contact hours of CEU's for Social Workers, Lansing, MI. For more information contact Phyllis at prmyers@dmci.net.

November 20 - Monroe, MI
Literacy Day Celebration, The 6 Traits of Writing, presented by Thomas Haller and Reese Haller, and evening parent presentation, How to Inspire Children to Write, presented by Thomas Haller, Waterloo Elementary School, Monroe, MI. For more information contact Lisa at mclauch2@monroe.k12.mi.us.

December 4 - St. Charles, IL
10:15 am - 12:30 pm and 2:15 - 4:30 pm, The Sounds of Spirit Whispering presented by Chick Moorman, Raising Student Achievement Conference (RSAC), Rock Island Regional Office of Education, Pheasant Run Resort, St. Charles, IL. For information contact Maxine Russman at 309-736-1111 or e-mail mrussman@riroe.k12.il.us.

December 4 - 8 - Santa Barbara, CA
Writing celebration with Thomas Haller and Reese Haller, author visits to several elementary schools in Santa Barbara, CA. For more information contact Ivonne at idelaflor@cox.net.

December 10 - Bay City, MI
1:00 pm - 5:00 pm, Book Signing by Reese Haller, Studio 23, Downtown Bay City, MI. For information contact Thomas Haller at thomas@thomashaller.com.


Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 1-877-360-1477 (toll free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-667-5654 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.

Copyright 2006 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.


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