Response-Able Parent Newsletter #67

September 18, 2007

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.


Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

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In This Issue

1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: 10 Ways to Create Sibling Rivalry
5. New Book Launch
6. We Get E-mail


1. Quote

"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation."

Plato


2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What is calling you to be started today? Is it time to start playing with your child? Is it time to start confronting? Would beginning to search for solutions be the thing to start? Perhaps you could start by thinking about it.


3. Bumper Sticker

Spotted on a blue Chevy Tahoe in Malibu, CA:

Play the Lottery
Let the World Know That You're Bad at Math.


4. Article: 10 Ways to Create Sibling Rivalry

By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

The Wilson's two children don't like each other. The Archer girls publicly put each other down. The Gonzalez boys pout if they aren't first, don't win, or don't do better than the other. This condition is called sibling rivalry and in each of these cases it was unconsciously created by the parents.

Do you want to make sure you don't inadvertently encourage sibling rivalry in your family? Do you want to avoid the ways many parents promote tension among their children? If so, read on and consider the top ten ways parents promote sibling rivalry without even knowing it. Then, if you decide sibling rivalry is not something you want to encourage in your family, do the opposite.

1. Compare your children to one another and let them know you are doing it. Say things like, "Your brother never acts that way," and "If your sister can do it, why can't you?" Holding one child up as the model and using that model to encourage better behavior on the part of the sibling is a sure way to create resentment and divisiveness among your children.

2. Put one child in charge of the other. Having to watch a younger brother while the parent runs out to the mailbox or convenience store can create resentment. Making the older child babysit during the summer while you are working is asking for sibling conflict. The older one will resent the fact that he has to do the sitting and the younger one will resent that he has to be watched by, in his view, a peer.

3. Allow humorous teasing or gentle and loving putdowns. There is no such thing as a loving or gentle putdown. Teasing is not funny! Making fun of someone or having a laugh at someone else's expense, no matter how small, still hurts. Teasing is never appropriate in loving families. A joke is not a joke if it is not a joke. When teasing occurs, someone ends up the recipient. That person often finds himself in a defensive position and feels he has to attack back to create balance and save face.

4.
Always give the younger child hand-me-downs. This ritual, if done often, can create a feeling of being a second-hand person or less than the other child, who gets the new things. When this occurs, the younger one often strives to be first or to get more attention. Yes, the economics in some families make hand-me-downs a necessity. In these cases, make sure the younger child gets something new occasionally and the older one gets some passed on clothing as well.

5.
Reward tattling. When children tattle, follow up by punishing those that were tattled on. This is a sure way to promote sibling rivalry. Refuse to listen to both sides of the story to further increase sibling rivalry. Create an atmosphere where the first person to get his story out is in the right. If you want sibling rivalry to grow in your home, do not invest time teaching your children when it is important to tell (health and safety issues) and when and how they can handle the situation on their own.

6. A
sk your kids to spy. Tell your son, "I want to know if your sister uses the phone while I'm gone." Inform your younger one, "If he splashes you again, let me know." Tell one child, "The computer is off limits while I am gone. Your sister is going to be watching you to see if you follow the rules."

7. Buy and play many competitive games designed so there is one winner and many losers. Focus strongly on the importance of winning, and downplay the process of playing, learning, and having fun. This way your children who have lost can fight back by playing a new game that no one else knows is even being played. The new game is called "Getting Even."

8. Create even more competition in your family. Design artificial competition to manipulate a desired behavior such as seeing who can get ready for bed first. Use lots of competitive Parent Talk, including, "The last one up the stairs is a rotten egg," or "The first one with their coat on gets to pick where they want to sit."

9. Attempt to be fair. Make sure everyone has the same amount of orange drink in their cup or the same number of French fries on their plate. Did you cut equal amounts of cake? Even when you do, children don't always see it that way. An effort to be consistently fair will create an atmosphere where the children are constantly checking to make sure they have the same or slightly more than the other child.

10. Run your house like a democracy. Put every decision to a vote. If two of the three kids always like to eat out at a pizza place and the third one likes Mexican food, the one who likes Mexican food will get outvoted every time. Resolving all disputes by voting does not protect the interests of the child in the monority.

Put these ideas to work in your family today and it won't be long before sibling rivalry will be firmly installed in your family dynamic. Once you have it thriving, call up your brother or sister and brag about how competitive your children are. Challenge your own sister to a contest. See which one of you can win by creating the best rivalry within your respective families.You just might win, but don't be surprised if your sister gets mad and pouts or attempts to get even.

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com.


The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose

CLICK HERE TO VIEW THE 10 COMMITMENTS BOOK.

5. New Book Launch

The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need:

Essential Tools for Busy Parents

Just released, this book by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller teaches parents how to discipline effectively in the following situations.

Ray is a teenage boy who cusses at his mother.
Brenda is a two-year-old who bites others.
Thirteen-year-old Carmen engages in sexual flirtation with her stepfather to get what she wants.
Herman throws tantrums in the toy store.
Latice has learned to create elaborate excuses for not following through with her commitments.

Each of these children's parents used one of the strategies presented in this helpful book to eliminate the inappropriate behavior.

R.J. talks back to his parents.
Chauncy whines frequently.
Three-year-old Gabriella hits the dog.

The parents got the kind of results they were looking for by employing one of the only three discipline strategies you will ever need.

Find out what to do if . . .

R.J. talks back to his parents.
Chauncy whines frequently.
Three-year-old Gabriella hits the dog.
It's all covered in The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need.

CLICK HERE TO ORDER NOW!

6. We Get Email

Hey Chick and Thomas,

My daughter won a cool award at her school already this year. I know the accomplishment itself should be the reward. Still, I want to do something to let her know how proud I am. I want to celebrate in some way. Any tips on how I might go about this?

El Dorado Hills Mother

Dear El Dorado Hills Mother,

That is exciting. We see a small family celebration that honors your daughter's accomplishment as worthwhile. Perhaps take her out to dinner to acknowledge her award.

A few things are important to keep in mind here. First, during that celebration, lead a conversation that helps your daughter examine the connection between her behavioral choices and the award. In other words, what does she attribute it to? Help her see that it has to do with her effort, perseverance, attitude and behaviors. It was not an accident, good luck, or something she had no control over. She created it in some way. Help her get in touch with that.

Make sure you communicate that you are proud for her rather than proud of her. This is a subtle concept, but being proud for her keeps the focus on her. Being proud of her is about you.

Do a lot of listening. Let her talk about the award, telling all that she would like to share. Then ask questions about it and let her talk some more. Remember, this is her celebration and it is her turn to be the focus of attention.

Be careful not to overdo it. Remember, awards are not a measure of your daughter's worth as a person. She is loved and valued with or without the award. The award is merely a celebration of someone else's recognition of what you already know and appreciate.

Sincerely,

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman


Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 877-360-1477 (toll-free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.

Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-686-5356 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.
Featured Product: Parent Talk System Coffee Mug

This coffee mug has the Parent Talk logo on one side and several important Parent Talk phrases on the other. Holding it in your hand serves as a useful reminder of how you want to speak to your children.

Phrases on the cup include:

Next time . . .

Please make a different choice.

You decide.

Check yourself.

I love you.

Act as if . . .

Check it out inside.

Use this device to help you stay conscious of your language patterns.


CLICK HERE TO ORDER.

Featured Workshop: The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need

This seminar contains two hours of essential skill-based training for busy parents. In it you will learn:

* The One-Minute Behavior Modifier for eliminating whining, teasing, hitting, cussing, back talk, pouting, and other inappropriate behaviors.

* The Dynamic Discipline Equation to help you hold your children accountable for their actions and behaviors with love and consistency.

* The Positive Anger Explosion, a technique that will allow you to communicate annoyance, irritation, and frustration in a way that lets your child know that you are clearly angry, yet refrains from attacking character or wounding the spirit.

Bring this important and impactful session to your school, church or community this fall. Thomas Haller and/or Chick Moorman stand ready to schedule a date for your group now.

If you are one of the first ten organizations to schedule a seminar on this helpful topic, Thomas and Chick will bring 15 free books to be given away to the first 15 families who arrive (one per family).

Call today to make sure your date gets locked into our calendar. Some October and November dates are still available. Call 877-360-1477 or e-mail Thomas at thomas@thomashaller.com or Chick at ipp57@aol.com.



Schedule

Sept. 19 - Villahermosa, Mexico
6:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Business Success presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, Villahermosa, Mexico. For information contact Yessica Escobar at 011-52-998-880-5777, 011-52-998-874-0892 (cell phone) or email vigilesc27@hotmail.com.

Sept. 19 - 21 - Villahermosa, Mexico
9:00 am - 1:00 pm, PTS Intensive presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, Villahermosa, Mexico. For information contact Yessica Escobar at 011-52-998-880-5777, 011-52-998-874-0892 (cell phone) or email vigilesc27@hotmail.com.

Sept. 20 - Villahermosa, Mexico
6:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Spirit Whisperers presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, Villahermosa, Mexico. For information contact Yessica Escobar at 011-52-998-880-5777, 011-52-998-874-0892 (cell phone) or email vigilesc27@hotmail.com.

Sept. 21 - 22 - Villahermosa, Mexico
6:00 pm - 9:00 pm, Law of Attraction presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, Villahermosa, Mexico. For information contact Yessica Escobar at 011-52-998-880-5777, 011-52-998-874-0892 (cell phone) or email vigilesc27@hotmail.com.

Sept. 22 - Villahermosa, Mexico
9:00 am - 1:00 pm, Parenting Adolescents presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, Villahermosa, Mexico. For information contact Yessica Escobar at 011-52-998-880-5777, 011-52-998-874-0892 (cell phone) or email vigilesc27@hotmail.com.

Sept. 28 - Troy, MI
8:00 am - 3:30 pm, Celebrate the Spirit Whisperers, School House Montessori, Troy, MI. For information contact Sherri Roberts at 248-649-6149 or email sroberts@ schoolhousemontessori.com.

Sept, 27 - Indian River, MI
Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day Presented by Thomas Haller, Inland Lakes Elementary, Indian River, MI.

Sept. 28 - Harbor Springs, MI
Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Thomas Haller, Blackbird Elementary School & Shay Elementary School, Harbor Springs, MI.



Links

Contact

Personal Power Press
P.O. Box 547
Merrill, MI 48637
1-877-360-1477


Copyright 2007 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.






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