Response-Able Parent Newsletter #72

March 6, 2008

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.


Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.



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In This Issue

1. Quote
2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: Ten Rules for Talking to Your Children about Grades
5. Humor
6. Did You Know?

1. Quote

"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement, and mystery of the world we live in."

Rachel Carson

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Have you taken time to be quietly with yourself today? Will you give your children the same opportunity to be quietly with themselves?

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a maroon Ford pickup truck in the parking lot of the Scottsdale Arabian Horse Show in Scottsdale, AZ:

Create a stable family.
Buy your kid a horse.

4. Article: Ten Rules for Talking to Your Children about Grades

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller 


·         My teen came home with a poor report card. How do I talk to her about it? 


·         I want to praise my son for his recent grades but I don’t want to go overboard. How should I handle it? 


·         What do you say to a child who has a decent report card but you know they could do so much better?


These are just a few of the questions we have received in recent weeks via email, at workshops, or from clients. These parents, who place a high emphasis on grades, want to know what to say and how to talk to children about the grades and the comments teachers place on their report cards. To that end, we offer the following ten rules for talking to your children about grades. 

1.  Begin early.
Talk with your children about grades before report cards come out. Clearly define what you think about grades and what expectations you have for your children regarding grades from the beginning of their school experience. Don't wait until you hold a report card in your hands before you begin this important communication. 

2.  Remember, your children are not their grades. Grades are only a partial reflection of who and what they really are, know, and are capable of becoming. Grades measure only what your child's particular school defines as smart. That narrow definition of intelligence does not measure emotional intelligence, spontaneity, integrity, trustworthiness, fortitude, sensitivity, creativity and a host of other important characteristics. 

Rewards are ineffective if a love of learning is your goal. Paying kids ten dollars for each A, treating them to ice cream if they bring home a good report card, or buying a new video game if they get on the honor role promotes only short-term results at best. What getting rewards for grades really teaches children is that you don't study so you can learn and grow, you study so you can get a treat or special concert tickets. You are teaching your children that learning is not the goal; grades are. 

4.  Move up in consciousness before you move in with action. Take three deep breaths or count to ten before you say anything in response to a report card. Talk to yourself before you talk to the child. Remind yourself that he or she is not his or her grades. He is love and light, a child of God. Remember that what is, is. You cannot change these grades. They are what they are. It is where the child goes from here, what she does with the information that is on the report card, that is important. The next step is the only one that can be taken now. When you have all that in mind and you are emotionally under control, move to action using the following rules for discussing grades. 

5.  Listen more than talk. When discussing a report card, ask lots of questions. Ask your child: How do you feel about these grades? What do you attribute them to? Were there any surprises on this report card for you? What are you most proud of? Are there any disappointments here for you? What is one goal you have for next time?  

6.  Be descriptive rather than evaluative
. Evaluative words like "good job," "excellent," "superb," "lousy," "pitiful," and "poor" are not helpful. Evaluation does not teach or give the child useful information. Describe what you see and leave the evaluation for the child. "Looks like you're a bit down from last time." "Two teachers mentioned missing assignments." Children who receive a positive report card need affirmation, not evaluation. Affirm what they have accomplished with descriptive comments. "I notice you went up in two classes." "Every one of your teachers said they enjoyed having you in class."

7.  Separate the deed from the doer. "I love you and I don't like this report card" helps the child see that it is the results you don't enjoy, not the person. Help your children see that they are not their report card. Likewise, stay away from comments such as, "I love you so much when you bring home a report card like this." This style of communication obviously tells the child that your love is linked to high grades, so if the grades go down so will your love.


8.  Focus on solution seeking. Dwelling on what you have defined as a problem brings negative energy to the situation and keeps you stuck in what is. Attention to solution seeking infuses the discussion with positive energy and helps you concentrate on moving things forward to a different ending. Fix the problem rather than fixing blame by searching for solutions.


9.  Punishments don’t work. Consequences and natural outcome do. What are natural consequences of poor grades? Having a tutor work with you on Saturday mornings. Going to a learning specialist three days a week after school. Investing part of your summer retaking a class. Explain to your child that "opportunity equals responsibility." When the responsibility stays up (a satisfactory report card), so does the opportunity to choose your own activities on Saturday mornings. When the responsibility drops, so does the opportunity.  

10.  Communicate positive expectations. One of the best things you can do for your children is to expect their success and communicate that to them. Use surprise talk when presented with a negative report card. "Wow. This is surprising" and "I never expected this" are ways to communicate that you hold higher expectations of them than the report card reflects. When they bring home a positive report card, use surprise talk in a different way. "Knowing you the way I do, this type of report doesn't surprise me." "This doesn't surprise me. Not after the way I have seen you study and prepare for tests. Congratulations."

Report cards come home several times a year. You will have more than one opportunity to use these rules with your children. When you do use them, keep in mind that your relationship with your child is more important than anything written on their report card.

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are the authors of Teaching the Attraction Principle™ to Children: Practical Strategies for Parents and Teachers to Help Children Manifest a Better World. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs visit their website today:

Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children

CLICK HERE TO VIEW Teaching the Attraction Principleā„¢ to Children

5. Humor

One young mother reports that her four-year-old son, Stephen, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell her he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So she fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Stephen stood there thinking for a moment, then ran back to the bathroom and came out with his mother's toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."


6. Did you know?

A.) We have a winner in our 10,000 subscriber sweepstakes. A young mother from Antelope, California, signed up at just the right time to win $200 worth of merchandise from Now we have our sights set on 20,000 subscribers. Thank you for helping us grow.


B.) The Korean language rights to The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose have been sold to a subagent in Korea. That edition of this classic book will be available within the year.


C.) Every day in America 1,540 babies are born without health insurance.


D.) The workshop "Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children" will be offered in Ann Arbor, MI on May 17, 2008. Site, price, and time will be decided soon. Watch this space for further information. This will be a great opportunity to see Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman live. Mark your calendars now to save this date.

Is Ann Arbor too far for you to go? Ask us about bringing this important message to your community and family. E-mail us at


Copyright 2008 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Featured Video Clip Opportunity

See Thomas Haller live in a three-minute video clip. 

As the chief parenting correspondent for NBC 25 , Thomas regularly records parenting tips, helpful reminders, and insightful perceptions. This month we offer you an opportunity to hear Thomas talk about the issue of spanking. If you think you are quoting the Bible by stating, "When you spare the rod, you spoil the child," you'll be in for a surprise. You won't want to miss this informative three-minutes.


Featured Product

Teaching the Attraction PrincipleTM to Children, by Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman


We know that millions of people are currently using the Attraction Principle to produce their ideal mate, create a meaningful job, build wealth, and attract health, but few are purposefully teaching this valuable life-changing concept to their children. This phenomenon occurs not because parents don't want to teach the Attraction Principle to children; it occurs because they don't know how.


Teaching the Attraction Principle to Children contains practical strategies for parents and teachers to help them and their children put this significant principle to use immediately. It contains a wide variety of ideas to use with tots to teens. Read how other parents are actually helping their children live the Attraction Principle now. 


Featured Training

The Parent Talk System
Training of Trainers

July 31 - Aug. 2
Spring Arbor University
19855 West Outer Drive
Suite 300 E
Dearborn, MI 48124


The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training

This facilitator training is designed to prepare local trainers to skillfully present the Parent Talk System to parents in their communities. Based on Chick Moorman's legendary book, Parent Talk: How to Talk to Your Child in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility, this three-day skill-based training helps local facilitators teach parents how to raise responsible children.

This valuable training includes techniques participants can use to assist parents in learning communication strategies that build love and trust within their families. Participants learn training strategies that allow them to teach the Parent Talk System with expertise and confidence. Ongoing technical assistance is provided to all graduates.

Early bird special price is currently in effect.

This workshop is limited to 35 participants.

·  Download the brochure


·  Click here for more information


·  Click here to register online


March 8 - Livonia, MI
Concurrent Sessions, Turning Your Daughter into a Solution Seeker and Developing an Attitude of Gratitude presented by Chick Moorman, Schoolcraft College, Girls Matter Conference. For more information contact Kimber Bishop-Yankee at

March 8 - Livonia, MI
Concurrent Sessions, Helping Your Daughter Get What She Wants and How To Move in When Things Go Wrong presented by Thomas Haller, Schoolcraft College, Girls Matter Conference Livionia, MI. For more information contact Kimber Bishop-Yankee at

March 10 - Santa Barbara, CA
Educator in Residence presented by Chick Moorman, Crane Country Day School, Santa Barbara, CA . For information email Joel Weiss at

March 10 - Mt Clemens, MI
AM Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Reese and Thomas Haller, Clinton Valley Elementary School, Mt. Clemens, MI.

March 10 - Clinton Township, MI
PM, Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Reese and Thomas Haller, Cherokee Elementary School, Clinton Township, MI.

March 11 - Clinton Township, MI
AM, Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Reese and Thomas Haller, Miami Elementary School, Clinton Township, MI.

March 11 - Clinton Township, MI
PM, Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Reese and Thomas Haller, Erie Elementary School, Clinton Township, MI.

March 12 - Macomb, MI
AM, Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Reese and Thomas Haller, Cheyene Elementary School, Macomb, MI.

March 12 - Macomb, MI
PM, Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Reese and Thomas Haller, Ojibwa Elementary School, Macomb, MI.

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 877-360-1477 (toll-free) or e-mail him at


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-686-5356 or e-mail him at




Personal Power Press
P.O. Box 547
Merrill, MI 48637

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