Response-Able Parent Newsletter #74

May 30, 2008

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.


Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.


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In This Issue

1. Quote

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3. Bumper Sticker
4. Article: Guess Whose Children Are Deprived
5. Humor

6. Mom’s Choice Award

7. We Get E-mail

1. Quote

"Love is not only something you feel. It is something you do."


David Wilkerson

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

What parenting solution is failing to come to you today because you assume you already have it?

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a red Honda Fit in Calgary, Canada:



The Toughest Job

You'll Ever Love

4. Article: Guess Whose Children Are Deprived

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller


Robert White and Ernesto Gonzalez live on the same street. They work for competing insurance companies and earn approximately the same salary. Both men are married and have two children in elementary school. Both men attend school conferences and have regular family dinners.


Robert White employs a lawn service to take care of his yard. This frees him up to play golf on Sundays.


Ernesto Gonzalez has a push power mower and is teaching his children how to operate it safely, mow the grass, edge the lawn, and clean and put away the equipment when the job is finished. He doesn't golf.


Mr. White takes his car to a local drive-through car wash. It only costs him eight dollars for the deluxe treatment, which takes less than ten minutes of his valuable time.


Mr. Gonzalez washes the family car every other Saturday in his driveway. His children help. Occasionally they have water fights and get soaking wet. Washing the car together takes over an hour.


Mr. White bought a TV for his children to keep in their bedroom. Now, if there is a disagreement about what to watch, different shows can be seen at the same time.


Mr. Gonzalez has one TV in the family room. He and his wife created boundaries about how much and what type of programming is allowed. They enforce the boundaries.


Mr. White bought a sandbox for his children. It has a swing set and slide attached. He assembled it himself.


Mr. Gonzalez bought boards and nails and built a sandbox with his children. They took turns hammering, sanding, and leveling. Minor injuries occurred: two slivers had to be removed and one smashed thumb required a Band-Aid along with ten minutes of nurturing.


When Mr. White's son was bullied at school, he told the youngster, "If he threatens you, smack him. You hit him first."


When  Mr. Gonzalez's son was bullied at school, he taught his son to use words, telling the bully, "I don’t like it when you threaten me. I don't respond to threats." He also taught his son how to communicate to school personnel if the problem remained unresolved. He role-played each scenario with his son several times.


When Mr. White's children choose inappropriate behaviors, he puts them in time-out. When the time limit is reached, his children can end their confinement if they apologize.


When Mr. Gonzalez's children choose inappropriate behaviors, he invests time teaching them the preferred behavior. He helps them create a plan for what to do differently next time and has them communicate their plan to the person affected.


Mr. White bought some books for his children at the airport on his last trip out of town. He figured they would like to read about motorcycles.


Mr. Gonzalez took his children to the library. He picked out two books on topics of interest to him, as did each of his children.


Both Mr. White and Mr. Gonzales love their children. Both think they are giving their children a great upbringing. Both are pleased with their parenting efforts.


One set of children is deprived. The other is not. Can you tell which is which? What about your own children? Where would they fit in these scenarios?


Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how their forthcoming Internet radio show can help you transform your parenting style, visit their website today:

The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose


5. Humor

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the ladies burst into shrieks, grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and asked, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

6. Momís Choice Award

We're celebrating! The Just For Mom Foundation  has presented Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller with a prestigious Gold Recipient Mom's Choice Award for their recent book, The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Strategies for Busy Parents. The Gold Recipient award is designed to honor excellence in family-friendly media, products, and services.

To mark this exciting award we have created a special way to invite you to join the celebration and get this important book into the hands of more deserving parents. In June, order one copy of The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need and we will send you a second copy absolutely free. That's right, two for the price of one! You can donate one to the local library, pass it on to a friend or relative, or give it to your child's teacher as an end-of-the-year appreciation gift.


7. We Get E-mail

Hello Thomas and Chick,

My daughter has a query she wondered if you could answer. She has a 16-month-old son, very bright and quite forward in his development and reasoning skills. He has lately started to have some tantrums when he is not allowed to have something, which we know that all kids do at some point, but my daughter is wondering what is the best way of dealing with it? 

Distraction doesn't help. Removing him from the scene doesn't help. The only thing that seems to work is to give him whatever it is he wants. She says these 'tantrums' can go for anything from a minute to 20 minutes. Sometimes, she can move him away and give him something else to play with and then after a few seconds he goes straight back to wherever she moved him from and starts having the tantrum all over again. When he is in the throes of bashing something (like the TV), he seems to go 'deaf' as if he is in a trance. She's at her wits' end to know how to deal with this in the most appropriate and productive manner.

The other problem she is having is that he seems to be going through a 'bashing' phase in which he bashes the coffee table, the TV, even other children. If she tells him no when he is bashing an inanimate object, he might come back and bash her instead. If it is a child, he listens, stops bashing that child, but then moves on to the next child and 'taps or hits' that child instead. She says she doesn't believe he is doing it in anger, or resentment, or frustration. There doesn’t seem to be any bad feeling or malice aforethought attached to it when he is doing it to other kids. It just seems to be something he does almost idly.

On the whole, apart from these two things, he seems to be a happy, healthy, bright kid. If you have any insights or suggestions to offer for dealing with these behaviors in such a young child, we all would be most grateful.

Best wishes,

A regular reader from abroad


Hello Regular Reader,


It is so difficult to give suggestions concerning a situation that we have more questions about answers. But here goes.


At 16 months this child needs the voice of nurture, the voice of structure, and the voice of teaching more than he does the voice of discipline.


The voice of structure: What is it that he keeps going back to? An electric socket? An expensive vase? If so, the environment needs to be restructured to be made safe for the toddler. Put the vase up. Put covers on the sockets. It will be easier to rearrange the environment than to keep him out of everything. He is 16 months old. His main job is to explore. He is doing his job.


The voice of teaching: Why does he keep going back? What is it that he wants to learn or needs to learn? Sounds like he needs to learn how to touch others gently, for one thing. His parents need to use their teaching voice here. "Practice touching my face. Now do it gently. Touch it real soft. That's how we touch other people." Practice regularly. Give appreciative and descriptive (not evaluative) praise when he touches appropriately.


A 16-month-old does not have the motor skills and hand coordination to touch things the way they need to be touched sometimes. Watch how he pounds his hands on the high chair. That is normal. And you can teach him to touch gently if you are persistent and patient and remember to be the teacher rather than the punisher or criticizer.


If he wants to be rambunctious, get all the pans out and bang them together and make noise. Pans are for making noise and hitting. People are for touching gently. Practice both. Teach him how to pat softly.


If he is doing a temper tantrum until his parents give him what he wants, he is outlasting them. If he can do that he is learning that temper tantrums are how you get what you want. They are teaching him that temper tantrums work. When behaviors stop working, kids stop doing them.


What is needed here is time out. Any child in tantrum mode is in a lower part of the brain. The child can do no problem solving, listening, or caring in this state until he gets back in the frontal lobe where problem solving occurs. Nurturing is appropriate here or the child can have relaxing music in time out . . . not time out as punishment, but time out as it is meant to be used: to collect oneself, to relax. This will help the child get back in the frontal lobe of the brain.(Note to subscribers: You can view our article Time Out for Time Out by clicking the link below.)


After the tantrum is over, teaching and practice can occur.


Hope this helps.




Thomas and Chick


Summer Reading Fun for Kids

Parker Haller (age eight) and Reese Haller (age eleven) are publishing a FREE NEWSPAPER called the Haller Gazette, by kids for kids. To sign up simply email your child's name and postal address to the Hallers at U.S. residents only please.


Copyright 2008 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Featured Video Clip Opportunity

Want to know how to handle kids when they beg? See Thomas Haller explain this concept live in a three-minute video clip.

As the chief parenting correspondent for NBC 25, Thomas regularly records parenting tips, helpful reminders, and insightful perceptions. This month we offer you an opportunity to hear Thomas talk about the issue, How to Handle Kids When They Beg. Learn how caving in teaches children to beg. Find out how to help your children get what they want without begging.

See the video clip here: How to Handle Kids When They Beg

Featured Product

Animal Facts: Mini-Books for the Early Reader

by Parker Haller

Paperback book ($9.95)

Children are moved and inspired to read with this collection of twenty mini-books written and illustrated by seven-year-old Parker Haller. Each mini-book is eight pages in length, with one animal fact sentence and a picture to color on each page. This mini-book collection includes over 140 hand-drawn illustrations. Simply remove each mini-book from the main booklet and fold into a 2 ½ x 4 inch book. Perfect for young readers.


Special Event

What makes life worthwhile?


Having passion, mission, and purpose in your life and being able to make a difference in the lives of others—that’s what makes life worthwhile. And getting paid while you do it? That's the frosting on the cake.


Are you passionate about raising children? Do you take your parenting role so seriously that you constantly look for ways to improve?


If you are passionate about the importance of parenting (your own children—as well as other people's) AND you would like to earn money helping others raise responsible, caring, confident children, you will want to read further.


This is a sincere invitation to check out an opportunity to become a certified trainer in the highly acclaimed Parent Talk System.

Make a Difference in the Lives of Parents and Children in Your Community, Church, or School.

·         Do you feel called in your soul to help parents consider the possibility that there might be a better way, an enlightened way, to parent?

·        Are you interested in helping parents move from a fear- and shame-based parenting style to one that is love based?

·         Would you consider helping the parents in your community make a shift in perception that would allow them to become the change that will change our world for the better?

·         Are you ready to make a giant leap forward to actualizing your potential as a healer of the planet?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, the dynamic, upcoming three-day training seminar in the Parent Talk System is definitely for you!

Program Specifics:

The Parent Talk System Facilitator Training

Facilitated by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

Limited to 35 participants

A Rewarding Experience Awaits You.

By attending this training and becoming a Parent Talk Facilitator you will join the growing cadre of over 200 facilitators now practicing throughout the world. This select group is working diligently to improve family life in their communities.

You might be thinking, "But I don't have any experience presenting to people."

I promise you that if you take this training you will leave at the end of three days with the skills, tools and confidence to present this life-changing material to others. You will learn:

1. The Parent Talk System, including the 6 two-hour modules that teach parents the verbal skills necessary to raise responsible, caring, confident children.

2. Strategies that allow you to teach the verbal skills with expertise and confidence.

3. Promotional and publicity skills/tools to attract interested participants.

You will receive:

·  A facilitator's manual
·  15 parent workbooks (starter kit)
·  1 supplemental CD
·  Parent Talk book (hard cover)
·  Graduation certificate
·  Access to the Parent Talk facilitator's section of my web site
·  Special monthly trainer's newsletter
·  Ongoing technical assistance


June 9 - 10 – Cancun, Mexico
5:00 pm - 9:00 pm, The Teacher Talk System presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, LaSalle Auditorium, Cancun, Mexico. For information contact Jessica at 998-874-0892 or email

June 9 - 11 – Cancun, Mexico
9:00 am - 1:00 pm, The Parent Talk System presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, LaSalle Auditorium, Cancun, Mexico. For information contact Jessica at 998-874-0892 or email

June 11 – Cancun, Mexico
5:00 pm - 9:00 pm, The Law of Attraction presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, LaSalle Auditorium, Cancun, Mexico. For information contact Jessica at 998-874-0892 or email

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 877-360-1477 (toll-free) or e-mail him at


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-686-5356 or e-mail him at




Personal Power Press
P.O. Box 547
Merrill, MI 48637

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