Response-Able Parent Newsletter #78

October 30, 2008

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.


Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

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In This Issue

1.  Quote

2.  Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3.  Bumper Sticker
4.  Article: Bailout Plan for Parents
5.  We Get E-mail


1. Quote

"Nothing we will ever do measures up to the accomplishment of raising a decent child."

 

Becky Kapsalis


2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Can you expand your vision to see more in your child than she is presently showing? How can you communicate that vision to her and to her siblings?


3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a white Ford Crown Victoria in Columbus, OH:

 

I'm not a nag.

I'm a motivational speaker.


4. Article: Bailout Plan for Parents

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

 

Bail out Wall Street. Bail out the banks. Bail out the people and institutions that got us in this financial mess to begin with. Is that a good idea?

 

Who knows? Certainly not us. We do not know enough, nor do we claim to know enough, about the current economic crisis facing our nation to be telling people what to do about it. We do not have sufficient understanding of all the interlocking ramifications of doing or not doing a financial bailout. The situation is outside our area of expertise.

 

What is not beyond our level of expertise, however, is what to do about the issue of bailing out our children. We firmly believe it is not helpful to rescue, save, or bail out children for their inappropriate choices or actions that result in natural consequences that would not be a health or safety risk to them. If fact, it is harmful. When you do so, you teach your children they do not have to be responsible for their choices and actions. You show them that the cause-and-effect relationship that is at work in the universe does not apply to them because someone will always be there to save them from experiencing the legitimate consequences of their actions.

 

Do you bail out your children? Are you inadvertently teaching them they do not have to act responsibly because they will not be held accountable for their choices? Consider the following.

 

  1. If you are running lunch, homework, gym shoes, band instruments, or other forgotten objects to school, you are bailing out your children. You are not giving them a real reason to remember the forgotten object next time. Your job is to teach your children a system for remembering. Their job is to use the system. 

  2. Do you return home to get forgotten shin guards for soccer or a teeth guard for karate? Again, teach your children a system for remembering. If they forget, allow them to experience the natural outcome of their behavior. Give them a real life reason to remember in the future. Why would they ever have to remember if someone keeps bailing them out? 

  3. Do you give advances on allowances? If so, you are rescuing. One of the reasons for allowances is to help children learn that if they spend it all the first day, there is no more until next week. You are depriving children of the opportunity to learn an important lesson when you bail them out. Allow them to deal with the outcomes of their spending, saving, or budgeting choices. 

  4. Are you a rescuer with your child's homework? Do you care more than they do? To step out of the rescuer role, be available to help with homework, set a study time and create a study place. Once again, your job is to create the structure. Their job is to use it. If they come to you at 9 p.m. and inform you they need a poster board for a project, resist the urge to jump in the car and drive all over town trying to find one. Procrastination on their part does not necessitate an emergency on your part. Allow them to experience the consequences. 

  5. When your teen gets in over her head with a cell phone bill, parking tickets, or lack of gas for her car, rejoice. She now has the opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about the importance of keeping control of her spending behavior. Allow her to learn the lesson. If she doesn’t learn it now, she will have to learn it later when the stakes are higher. Debrief the situation with her and help her create a system for keeping track of her spending. This will come in handy when she goes off to college and someone offers her a free T-shirt if she accepts a credit card. Better to learn this lesson now rather than later. 

  6. Did your son visit an inappropriate Web site on your computer? If so, it is time to remind him that opportunity equals responsibility. When responsibility in using the computer goes down, so does the opportunity to use it. Hold him accountable so he can experience the consequences before he gets another opportunity to use the computer. Then increase your level of monitoring and reset your Internet safety programs. 

  7. If your child accidentally breaks a neighbor's window with a football, help her create a plan for paying for it. Help her learn that her actions produce results and that she is responsible for the results she creates. If you bail her out by paying for the window without having a payment plan in place, you teach her that she doesn't have to be responsible for her actions.

Resist the urge to bail out your children regardless of what you see modeled in our culture or government. When you regularly hold your children accountable (with an open heart), they will learn to see themselves as the cause of the results they produce. As you help them experience the direct relationship between cause and effect, they will become more empowered and view themselves as both capable and responsible. We could use more of that attitude today in our government, in our businesses, and in our world.

Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. They are two of the world's foremost authorities on raising responsible, caring, confident children. They publish a free monthly e-zine for parents. To sign up for it or to obtain more information about how they can help you or your group meet your parenting needs, visit their website today: www.personalpowerpress.com


The 10 Commitments: Parenting With Purpose

CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE 10 COMMITMENTS.

5. We Get E-mail

Hello Thomas and Chick,

 

I am a divorced dad and have a seven-year-old daughter with visitation every other weekend. I try to get along with my ex and work with her on most things, including discipline. If my ex takes away TV, then there is no TV here. But recently I have seen consequences become severe punishments, in excess of what I feel is reasonable. For example, my daughter woke up in the middle of the night and watched TV at my ex's home. She got caught and my ex gave her one week of no TV, no friends, and no computer. I feel this is way too harsh for a seven-year-old.

 

Then she resisted taking a nap one day and spoke disrespectfully to her mother. For that she received a punishment of two weeks of no friends and one week of no computer. By the time my daughter is fourteen, what is my ex going to do, ground her for a year?

 

What is the best way to approach my ex about this? I don't want to undermine her discipline system but I am feeling these punishments are unreasonable. I thought about giving her one of your books, maybe The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need, but I don't know.

 

Please offer some advice.

 

Sincerely,

 

Weekend Dad in Seattle

 


Dear Weekend Dad,

 

You have a complicated situation here with your ex.

 

Your daughter spends time in two households. No two households are run the same way, as no two classrooms are run the same way. You can have different norms and different expectations at your house. That is permitted and even desirable at times.

 

What your daughter does at the ex's house is between her and your ex. You only have her for two weekends a month. If you have to spend all your time disciplining, you will have no special connecting time with her. We suggest you allow your ex to handle her own discipline problems and you handle yours. It is not your job to take care of your ex anymore. If she can't handle the child in all the time she has with her, maybe you should have some more time.

 

Although it is helpful for divorced parents to be working out of the same book, it is not necessary that they always be on the same page. You do not have to follow through on any harsh punishments. Yes, it would be nice if you and your ex could communicate about these issues and agree to operate in similar ways. However, you are under no obligation to follow through on what you deem as inappropriate punishment.

 

Punishment does not work, as you know from reading "The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need." What works is when children experience the natural or legitimate consequences of their behavior. If they choose not to handle responsibility well, they choose to temporarily lose the opportunity to have that responsibility. It is not the severity of a consequence that makes this work. It is the certainty.

 

Tell your ex openly and honestly about your discipline concerns. She may be willing to move closer to your beliefs.

 

Best wishes,

 

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman


Copyright

Copyright 2008 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.

Featured Parent Program

How to Parent Like No One Else

So Your Child Can Grow Up to Be Like No One Else, With Thomas Haller or Chick Moorman

This session will help you to become an uncommon parent in today's world. You will learn to talk like no one else, discipline like no one else, think like no one else, and commit to your children like no one else. You will learn to become the parent you always wanted to be. The program is practical and motivational.


Haller and Moorman are now booking fall and winter programs at affordable rates. Call today to arrange for a date for your school, church, or organization.

Thomas Haller
989-239-8628
thomas@thomashaller.com

Chick Moorman
989-643-5059
ipp57@aol.com



Featured Video Clip Opportunity

The Four-Question Discipline Challenge

See Thomas Haller live in a three-minute video clip, The Four-Question Discipline Challenge. See if your favorite discipline strategy passes the four-question challenge.

Most parents pick a discipline strategy one of two ways. Some people parent just like they were parented. Others parent the opposite of how they were parented.

As the chief parenting correspondent for NBC 25, Thomas regularly records parenting tips, helpful reminders, and insightful perceptions. This is your opportunity to see Thomas Haller in action and invest three minutes in learning how to raise responsible, caring, conscious children. Use the four questions Thomas poses to consciously choose a discipline strategy that meets the needs of you and your family.

·         To view this valuable video clip, click here: Test Your Parenting with the Four-Question Challenge



Featured Product

The Only Three Discipline Strategies You Will Ever Need: Essential Tools for Busy Parents

by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

Soft-cover 120-page book ($14.95)

Finally, a book that cares as much about your children as you do...

The successful parenting workshops, trainings, and seminars led by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller and the incredible success of the Parent Talk System have garnered worldwide attention and praise from mothers, fathers, grandparents, and professional educators for only one reason. This stuff works. It gets the kind of results parents are looking for.

Finally, a book that delivers practical discipline techniques for busy parents...

The three practical, skill-based strategies presented in this useful book will help you to:

• Eliminate whining, back talk, and procrastination.
• Gain cooperation without nagging or yelling.
• Hold children accountable without wounding their spirit.
• Communicate anger in a respectful way.
• Design consequences that are reasonable, respectful, and related to the misbehavior.
• Become the parent you always wanted to be.

These three amazingly simple strategies are verbal skills that will work with your children. Appropriate for use with tots to teens!

 


CLICK HERE TO ORDER THE ONLY THREE DISCIPLINE STRATEGIES YOU WILL EVER NEED.

Coming Attraction

Reese and Parker Haller have finished their new book, 101 Success Tips: By Kids, for Kids.

  1. It is appropriate for all middle-school-age children.
  2. It will help them succeed in school and in life.
  3. Readers will gain interpersonal skills, develop self-responsibility, and stay safe.
  4. It is coming in time for the December gift-giving season.
  5. It will blow your mind and increase your expectations of what your children can accomplish.
  6. It is the greatest dinner-table conversation piece ever created by children for children.

Stay tuned for the prepublication special offer. This special offer will be sent to you via e-mail within the next week. You won’t want to miss this fantastic opportunity to share this life-changing information with your children.



Schedule

Nov. 3 - Portland, ME

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Nov. 4 - Providence, RI

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Nov. 5 - Hartford, CT

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Nov. 6 - Newburgh, NY

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Nov. 7 - Long Island, NY

Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or www.ber.org.

 

Nov. 10 – Livonia, MI

Catching the Writing Bug Literacy Day presented by Thomas and Reese Haller, American Montessori Academy, Livonia, MI.

 

Nov. 11 – Ann Arbor, MI

7:00 P.M. The Discipline Strategy Every Parent of a Middle School Student Needs presented by Thomas Haller. Forsythe Middle School, 1655 Newport Rd, Ann Arbor, MI 48103. 734-994-1985.



Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 877-360-1477 (toll-free) or e-mail him at ipp57@aol.com.


CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHICK'S WEBSITE.

Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-686-5356 or e-mail him at thomas@thomashaller.com.


CLICK HERE TO VISIT THOMAS' WEBSITE.

Links

Contact

Personal Power Press
P.O. Box 547
Merrill, MI 48637
1-877-360-1477

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