Response-Able Parent Newsletter #85

July 8, 2009

Welcome! This is a free newsletter on becoming a Response-Able parent raising Response-Able children.

Mission Statement

Our mission is to strengthen families and improve parent communication skills (including our own) by helping parents learn practical, usable verbal strategies for raising responsible, caring, confident children.

In This Issue

1.  Quote
2.  Spirit Whisperer Contemplation
3.  Bumper Sticker
4.  Article: "You're not allowed to play with him anymore."
5.  Blogaroo
6.  Managing Your Subscription

1. Quote

"A problem is only a problem as long as I call it a problem. Problems can be welcomed opportunities, pregnant with solutions. Reality follows my point-of-view."

Barry Neil Kaufman

2. Spirit Whisperer Contemplation

Welcome challenges today. Know that they have arrived for everyone's benefit, yours and your children's. Remember, the real teaching you are offering your children lies in how you react to the challenge, not in what you do about it.

3. Bumper Sticker

Noticed on a red Chrysler PT Cruiser in Jefferson City, MO:
I'm all that's left
Of a bizarre childhood.

4. Article: "You're not allowed to play with him anymore."

By Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman

"You're not allowed to play with I'm anymore."

"I don't want you going over to his house again."

"You'll have to find different friends."

"She's not a good friend to have."

"You can't associate with him in the future."
The statements above are examples of Parent Talk designed to control your children's choice of friends. While this degree of control may be possible up to the age of eight or nine, your control stops there. After fourth grade you lose the power to choose your children's friends. Why? Because at this time in your their life it is no longer possible to enforce your desires concerning this issue. If you can't enforce a command it makes little sense to send it.
While you lose your ability to control your children's choice of friends at that age, you do not lose your ability to influence who they choose as friends. If you accept the fact that your child is choosing her own friends, which she actually is, and assume that posture as you talk with her, you can have a positive impact on her thinking and her choices by using well constructed Parent Talk.
"I like the way your friend Ramone shares appreciation" and "William always helps pick up the messes you guys make" is Parent Talk that points your child to positive character traits in his friends. These kinds of comments help him to appreciate that you see the good side as well as the other side of his friends.
"Tell me what you like about Clarissa" and "What strengths do you see in Lynda?" are examples of Parent Talk that will help you understand the positives your child sees in her friends. Use a loving and interested tone as you pose these questions. If you fail to comprehend the strengths she sees, she will be less likely to take a serious look at the weaknesses you see.
"I hope some or your manners will rub off on him" and "Maybe your positive attitude can influence how he looks at the world" are ways to reinforce the strengths you see in your own child as well as to invite him gently to look at what you see in his friend. These examples reflect Parent Talk designed to get your child to think rather than to instruct him what to do about his friend.
Other Parent Talk phrases that invite your child to think include:
"I wonder if Marie makes fun of you when you're not present."

"I'd be kind of worried about feeling pressured to drink if I was with Kyra."

"Do you ever worry that people might think you feel the same way about Jews (Blacks, Hispanics, Italians, women, Christians) as Justin does?"

"Is it difficult for you to stick up for your other friends when Kevin starts to bully?"

"Why do you think there is a difference in your study habits?"
Advice children have not asked for will fall on deaf ears. Orders will hit a brick wall. Non-judgmental information has a chance to get through and help your them think through an issue. Offer information free of judgment, ridicule, or sarcasm and you may develop the influence you desire concerning your children’s friends.

Thomas Haller and Chick Moorman are co-authors of The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose. Visit their blog at:

10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose


5. Blogitus

In response to your requests to hear from us more often, we continue to blog away. Sometimes we blog two or three times a week. And considering the feedback we're getting, we’re not going to stop anytime soon!

Recent blog posts you might have missed include:

Please join us at and become a regular reader and a responder on our new Web site. Sign up today on the right-hand side of the home page. And while you're there, check out some of the informational articles we've posted.

6. Managing Your Subscription

A. If you are receiving the newsletter as a forward and would like to insure that you get your personal free subscription, e-mail and request that you be added to the parent newsletter list.

B. To remove yourself from this list, e-mail and ask to be deleted from the parent newsletter.

C. Back issues of the Response-Able Parenting Newsletter can be found here.

D. Are you interested in receiving our educator newsletter? If so, e-mail and request that you be added to the educator newsletter list.

E. Please recommend this free e-newsletter to any parent who is interested in adding tools to their parenting tool box.

F. Please notify us if your e-mail address is about to change. Send your name and new e-mail address to Be sure to let us know your old e-mail address so we can unsubscribe it.


Copyright 2009 Chick Moorman Seminars and Thomas Haller Seminars, all rights reserved. Share this with your circle.


He's Still Number One

Listen to Thomas Haller's  #1-rated radio show, "Life Answers with Dr. Tom," on WIOG, Thursdays from 7-8 a.m., FM 102.5 in Mid-Michigan.

Special Event

The Parent Talk System Training of Trainers
July 30 – Aug. 1, 2009
Spring Arbor University
23400 Michigan Ave.
Suite P20
Dearborn, MI

Book of the Month

Parent Talk: How To Talk To Your Children in Language That Builds Self-Esteem and Encourages Responsibility.

by Chick Moorman

Paperback, 291 pages ($15.00) [Add to Cart]

This book contains the verbal skills that parents need to raise responsible, caring, confident children. To be an effective parent you must be able to use words and language patterns that discourage resistance, reluctance, and resentment. You must learn language that empowers, nurtures, and uplifts rather than language that criticizes, shames, and wounds.

PARENT TALK will tell you what to say so you can communicate more effectively---and peacefully----with your child. Learn the most effective words for the right situation.


Get-a-way to Cancun, Mexico

Like this view? Find out more at

Our Charity, Healing Acres

Does this sight sadden you? This is why we started Healing Acres Equine Retirement Ranch and made it our on-going charity project. Find out more at


July 9 - Kansas City, MO.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
July 10 - Minneapolis, MO.
Motivating the Unmotivated presented by Chick Moorman, 8:00 am – 4:00 pm. Contact Bureau of Education & Research (BER) at 1-800-735-3503 or
July 30 - Aug. 1 - Dearborn, MI.
Parent Talk, Training of Trainers presented by Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller, 8:30 am - 4:30 pm. Spring Arbor University. Contact Chick Moorman at 989-643-5059 or email

Chick Moorman

Contact Chick at 877-360-1477 (toll-free) or e-mail him at


Thomas Haller

Contact Thomas at 989-686-5356 or e-mail him at




Personal Power Press
P.O. Box 547
Merrill, MI 48637


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