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 The View from Here. . .
December 2018
Change Your Story, Change Your Life!
Have you ever noticed how humans tend to be story tellers? We love our stories! We relate to life through story, which is why we enjoy books, television, movies, plays, operas, soap operas, and other forms of conveying the foibles, challenges, and meaning of life through story. We enjoy humorous stories, who-done-its, and dramas—the higher the drama, the better! We tell stories about ourselves and each other and love them all.
Some stories are true, some are exaggerated for affect, and some are made up entirely. Some have morphed beyond recognition through years of retelling. Stories put our lives and life lessons in context and give us a broader perspective and better understanding. We bond over our stories. Sometimes we find common ground through our stories and sometimes we find a way to feel superior through the stories that we tell.
Stories can really enhance our lives. Unfortunately, though, our stories can morph over time from amusing anecdotes to self-definition or self-fulfilling prophecy. We begin to define ourselves, and sometimes our futures, by our stories. We tell the same stories about ourselves—or others tell them about us—so often that they begin to define who we are. We begin to believe those stories are who we are, rather than events (often fluky) that happened to us or things that we did, perhaps in an unthinking moment or when we didn't know better.
The main problem with this "self-definition-by-story" is that, most often, the stories we tell about ourselves or others are not happy stories of joy and triumph, they are stories of mistakes, defeat, humiliation, and shame. Think about gossip, the most viral and malicious form of story-telling. Gossip is seldom about something wonderful that happened to someone or something amazing that someone did. It is usually a story shared to humiliate, discredit, or put someone down (so the teller of the story can feel superior—"I would never do anything so stupid!").
These Stories and Their Abbreviated Forms
Think about the stories that were told about classmates in high school or college. Some of those stories might have been funny—poking fun at someone—and often bullying and shaming. And most of those stories “stuck” to those classmates for many years, and probably had a deep impact on them. Sometimes the stories were distilled down to their essence in the form of a label, usually funny and derogatory at the same time, that the person “wore” until leaving the school. If you escaped being the object of humiliating stories in school, you were one of the lucky ones.
Families, too, have a way of retelling stories about each other. With siblings, it’s often the stories that make the other look bad or stupid, making them the brunt of an enduring family joke. These stories get repeated at family gatherings, evoking derisive laughter at the subject, over many years, and they form the identity, value, and role of each member of the family over time, sometimes for generations. It keeps the family members in their "place" and role in the family.
People love to label things and other people and put them in pigeon holes, so it is no wonder these things quickly catch on and "stick." It makes life easier, because we have things "pegged," and we don't have to keep thinking about them.
What Stories Do You Tell About Yourself?
What do you tell new acquaintances about yourself? How about a new person you are dating? Or family or old friends? What about the stories you tell yourself over and over in your head?
Do you talk about times of joy and triumph or about failures and times when you have been betrayed? Do you portray yourself as a winner or as a victim or loser? Do you ever actually hear the stories you tell about yourself, or do you rattle them off out of habit, without even hearing what you're saying anymore? When you see a friend after a few weeks have passed, and you catch up on events in your lives, do you talk about betrayals and traumas or about fun and happiness?
Far too often, we regale people with the sad stories of our lives, and we repeat them over and over again, reliving the events that traumatized us—sometimes years or even decades before—creating deeper neural pathways for that memory and pain, re-energizing the event, and triggering our post-traumatic stress each time we tell the story.
Sometimes we—and others—end up actually defining ourselves by these events over time: our difficulties and traumas as children, the bullying we received in school, the humiliating fumble or defeat in sports, the promotion(s) we didn’t receive at work, the illness we have or had, the deep betrayal by a lover or friend, and/or the "awful" thing that happened last week.
By doing this, we define ourselves by our pain, hold ourselves in the role of victim, and prevent ourselves from healing our wounds and moving on with our lives to enjoy better circumstances.
So why do we do this? On some level, when we are the ones repeating these stories (often in abbreviated form), we may think we are somehow explaining—to ourselves and others—why we somehow ended up the way we did ("I was beaten as a child," that's why I'm a chronic underachiever), or how heroic we have been in carrying on in the face of these traumas ("I was a single mother," so I must be a strong, wonderful, heroic woman).
While it superficially may have that effect, we are doing ourselves great harm. We are unconsciously condemning ourselves to the perpetual role of the victim as a way of relating to ourselves and others, defining ourselves by the worst or hardest times of our lives, and setting ourselves up to expect no better. Even worse, repeatedly churning up our old wounds and evoking that pain again and again also sets up an energy field around ourselves that literally attracts more of the same!
It is always a good idea to pause and listen to the stories we tell about ourselves and to analyze why we feel we want to define ourselves by those stories, and what we feel we achieve by repeating them.
Constantly Retelling our Traumas Takes Us Right Down the Rabbit Hole
If you find yourself stuck in repeating patterns of situations that are painful, you might want to take a look at the stories you continually tell yourself and others about yourself. Has the repetition of painful events put you in a place of feeling that these things “always” happen to you? Do you feel that “nothing” ever goes well (and you have all those examples to prove it)? Are you telling yourself that? Have you convinced yourself that one or two unhappy incidents are the norm?
This type of repetitive story telling is not to be confused with occasionally venting to a friend about a situation that distresses us. We all need to do that once in a while: talk it through, get another perspective or validate the perspective we’ve reached, and vent those feelings so we can shake it off, let it go, heal, and move on. That’s just normal and human, and usually helpful.
But when we fixate on certain painful events in our lives and repeatedly tell those stories, as if they are the only events or the only important events in our lives, that’s when we have a problem. If it’s a story about someone doing us wrong, that person probably moved on long ago, while we are still re-inflicting that pain and outrage on ourselves over and over again by continually talking about it, and never letting ourselves chalk it up to experience and move on, ourselves. In the end, who has done more damage to us? The original perpetrator or ourselves?
As with everything in life, what we focus on, grows. When we focus on the trauma and drama of life, we get more of that. Is that where you want to be? Is that where you want to stay? Is it making you happy?
Change Your Story, Change Your Life
The good news is that there is a pretty simple fix! It may not be an easy fix, because as we know, old habits die hard. But it is definitely simple!
We merely have to change our stories to change our lives! Imagine meeting friends and, instead of giving a recitation of all the bad things that have happened to you in your past, or in the past week, you regale them with stories of all the joys and triumphs in your life?
The more we talk about, and focus on, the good things in our lives, the more good things we have to talk about! When we talk about the things we are grateful for, the more opportunities we have to express gratitude!
But we have to be vigilant in observing the stories we tell about ourselves, both out loud to others and inside our own heads. Especially until the old habits start to lose their grip and fall away.
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude, focusing on the good things that happen in our lives—both big and small—and sharing those stories with our friends lifts us up, shows us repeatedly that we do, in fact, have wonderful things happening in our lives, and brings us more of them.
You May Have to Change Their Stories, Too
And yes, if our friends and families have that habit of repeating embarrassing stories about us, we may just have to exert ourselves and say, “No more!” Instead of laughing at ourselves along with them (while inwardly wincing), we can hold a hand up and say, “You know, I really don’t want to be defined or remembered by that story of something dumb that I did when I was 7! I’d like to hear you tell a story about something I did that was amazing, or smart, or kind, instead!” That will either shut them up, or encourage them to remember your better stories, and then everybody wins!
This might be a good strategy to remember as we get ready for the upcoming Holidays. Pay attention to the stories that you tell and the stories told about you. Make sure that all of them are positive and life-enhancing!
And if you find that you're not that happy with what you hear, make some wonderful New Year's Resolutions to change your stories and change your life! 
Here are some articles from past issues of Tunnel Vision that you might find interesting as companion pieces for this issue’s articles and for the Holiday Season:
HOLIDAY SEASON 2017—Includes Remember to BREATHE!
DECEMBER 2014—Includes Peace on Earth, Goodwill Toward Men & more 
APRIL 2014—Includes Forgiveness is the Ultimate Act of Self-Love and The Next Step is Gratitude
 Wishing you all joy and peace and love
for the Holidays, and throughout the coming year!
Thank you for being part of my
Tunnel Vision family!
 All content copyright © Ellyn Dye, 2018.
In this issue:
Change Your Story, Change Your Life!
Which Should be Our Defining Moments? And Who Should Decide?
Time for a Breather!
NEW on My Website. . .
Like What You See? Why Not Give Something Back?
Who Is Ellyn Dye?
Which Should be Our Defining Moments? And Who Should Decide?
When Others Choose Those Moments For Us
I tuned in to the idea of how stories about us— especially those told about us by our families and friends—can define us within those circles (whether that was the conscious intention or not) decades ago, when I sat at the Thanksgiving table and listened to my nephew tell a story about something I had done long before he was born! The story had been told so many times, that the next generation was repeating it!
That had apparently become a defining moment for me as far as my family was concerned and, frankly, that explained a lot about how I was treated in the family!
I felt the need to express my displeasure at having that be the only story told about me at family gatherings and, fortunately, my family "got it." They wouldn't want to be defined, decades later, by something they'd done when they were 9, either! (And I could have done that for them, and they knew it!!)
Most of these stories are merely told from habit—we tell a story and get a laugh, so we do it again. It's done unconsciously, without malicious intent (generally), and it's often good to shine a light on the impact of what's being said.
When We Choose Our Defining Moments
The issue of how we define ourselves by the stories we tell about ourselves really hit home in the last month as a result of two wildly different scenarios.
I saw a friend that I hadn't seen for some time, who regaled me for hours with stories of betrayals and hurts she'd experienced in the past year. Some I had heard several times before, some were new. We then had dinner with another mutual friend, and the same stories were repeated.
This friend had a number of really good things going on in her life, and yet it seemed that all she could talk about were these hurts and betrayals.
I was struck by the fact that she seemed totally focused on her pain and disappointment, rather than on her triumphs. And by continually repeating these stories about herself to all her friends, she was choosing those painful times to be her defining moments. By her own telling of it, her life was a series of hurts and betrayals. And I'm sure she had no idea that's how she was portraying herself!
In huge contrast, I recently heard of a young man who recently suffered an extremely traumatic accident and sustained horrendous injuries to his spine and legs. He has recently started studying metaphysics, and he understands the concept of how we choose, before we are born, what major events, challenges, and directions we will have in our lives.
Within days of the accident, when he was still grappling with the news of his difficult prognosis and lengthy recovery—and dealing with the reality of great physical pain—he was focused on the future with optimism. He accepted that, as a soul(not in his human consciousness)—he had agreed to endure this challenge, and he anticipated that the experience would be preparing him for whatever he was here to do in the future!
Is it simply an issue of optimism vs. pessimism?
When faced with such dramatically different ways of integrating experiences and defining ourselves by them, you have to wonder what it is that makes some of us over-focus on the bad and makes some of us focus more on the good? While some of us revel in the many miracles and wonderful things in our lives, it seems that many more of us appear to revel in our misfortunes. Either way, we literally set ourselves up for more of the same.
During this time of the Great Shift and the many changes that are happening and being required of us, it is always a good idea to look at all of our thought patterns, habits, and beliefs—to make what has been unconscious, conscious. To turn the auto-pilot off and drive the vehicle manually.
We create our lives in every moment by what we think, do, and allow others to do, whether it's done consciously or unconsciously. And we are in times of amazing "ripeness", when manifestation can happen in an instant.
So go, and be careful out there... and be conscious!!
Time for a Breather!
If you think 2018 was hard, especially the second half of the year, you're not alone. And there's good reason for that: starting last June, we had a series of unrelenting planetary retrogrades, including all the personal planets, which affect us the most intensely in our daily lives. In the early summer, we had 7 planets retrograde, and they have continued to roll out through the fall: Mars started in June, followed by Mercury, then Venus, then Mercury again!
YIKES! The planets were determined to force us to review everything in our lives and, frankly, sometimes it wasn't pretty!
The good news is, once Mercury goes direct on December 6, we'll have a breather for a few months before Mercury heads backward again in March, and Saturn and Jupiter go retrograde in April. And Venus and Mars will give us a break by staying in direct motion throughout 2019. Granted, Uranus will linger in retrograde just into the new year, until January 6, but we don't feel the affects of his retrograde as up-close-and-personally as we do the retrogrades of the inner planets.
So, forward motion is finally fully supported in the next few months and, hopefully, we can use those energies more wisely, after all that reviewing, revising, and introspection we did over the last six months. PHEW!
NEW on My Website. . .
I've posted three new presentation videos that were live-streamed to Facebook: A presentation to the Edgar Cayce Forum; a two-hour presentation about my NDE to the Williamsburg IANDS group (that gave me time to really get into the details of what happened and what I learned); and an updated 2-hour presentation on The Great Shift (aka, WTF is Going on Out There?)
Still Time for Holiday Giving.....
My 2019 travel photo calendars are now available! There are 7 of them, from Alaska, Bermuda, Cathar Country, France, Grand Canyon & Sedona, Ireland, and Jamaica.
And, of course, my metaphysical fantasy novel, The Search for the Crystal Key, is an adventure for all ages about believing in yourself and the power of love, with tools for living and information about how life works that I received during my NDE. Available now in paperback, EPub, and  Kindle! This is a great life "primer" for those "new kids" ages 10 and above! 
 Downloadable mp3s of my Journey Through the Tunnel presentation and guided meditation to go through the Tunnel of Light, feel the unconditional Love of Home, and bring it back to planet earth. 
And you can still...
FIND OUT about my new Intuitive Life Coaching (by phone and Skype) and my Reconnective Healing Services, offered long distance and in Virginia Beach
And FIND FREE for your information: 
My new article, The Times Are (Still) A-Changin'!, from the November Predictions for 2019 and Beyond issue of The Sedona Journal of Emergence, as well as my articles in past Predictions issues, can be found on the Other Articles sub-page under the Tunnel Vision Newsletter tab. You'll see that the message continues to be: Change, change, and more change!
Videos of Presentations and recordings of radio interviews, with discussions of my NDE, what I learned, and what's going on "out there" due to the Great Shift.
The complete list of "What I Learned from Dying." 
The Archives of all past issues of Tunnel Vision! 
Like What You See?
Why Not Give Something Back?
If you enjoy reading Tunnel Vision—feel empowered or enlightened by anything you read or watch here or on my website— please let me know! Drop me a note at and tell me if I've said something that speaks to you or provides a different perspective! And please send me topics of interest!
Donations are always helpful and gratefully appreciated, because I use my own time and resources to provide this information to you through my website and Tunnel Vision. You can send a donation to me at via PayPal, or use a Donation link on my website. Thank you so much for your support!
Who Is Ellyn Dye?
I am an Intuitive Coach, Public Speaker, Author, Reconnective Healing® practitioner, and a Practical Mystic.
A Near-Death Experience (NDE) in 1985 expanded my psychic abilities and created an ongoing link with some very loving—and humorous—Guardians of humanity and the ancient wisdom, who gave me a huge amount of information about life and the evolution of mankind, and continue to guide me.
I bring this knowledge and connection to my clients and audiences, along with over 30 years’ accumulated wisdom and understanding of metaphysics, life on earth, and Who We Really Are.
I am the author of the metaphysical fantasy novel, The Search for the Crystal Key—an adventure about believing in yourself and the power of Love; and I am currently writing a new book, Creating Heaven on Earth... One Soul at a Time; A How-To Manual from the Perspective of a Near-Death Experience.
Find out more at
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Ellyn Dye's Lion Magic  •  4880 Cypress Point Circle  •  Virginia Beach, VA 23455

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